How to deal with a rebellious teenager.

[Parenthoodfailure]

My son is 14 years old. When school started in September, he was doing great. He has only one activity, which is hockey, and he was doing fine there, too. But recently, he has become addicted to Snapchat and Roblox. He comes home and goes straight to playing Roblox without changing his clothes, skipping meals, and getting really lazy with personal hygiene, like showering and brushing his teeth. His school grades are just getting worse. I'm becoming really upset, so I've said some words that I shouldn't have. I have been limiting how many hours he can play and have even turned off the internet on his phone and in the whole house. We argue a lot about the internet because he hasn't been able to use it, and he got really upset. Now he's not even talking to me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Stick with it. Of course he’s not going to be happy about it but if he’s not able to self regulate if you don’t now it will be impossible later.

I picked him up early from school yesterday to talk to him, but all he said was that there was nothing to talk about. It's affecting my whole family too because I have another child who can see his attitude, and he sometimes encourages his son to misbehave.

Wha tis he doing now the games are gone?

You are absolutely doing the right thing to limit those apps.
My sd became horrifically addicted to those apps. Cold turkey four years down the line was not enough to save her.
Hide all other screens, she thought nothing of stealing others to get back online
( my story is very extreme so I won't go into it here but I'd also go through the apps, every message and every bit of them)

@socks1107 sending 💐 it sounds like you’ve been round the block a bit and then some.

Home from school. Snack. Does all homework. Gets changed. Helps with chores. Has dinner. Then he can have 45 minutes of a screen based game. It's a reward, not an entitlement. You are the parent.

Can he stay and do homework at school or is there a library club? I think once they get in it's hard to break habits of TV/screens, especially when they start getting big. Something he like homework club that he can do before getting in that becomes routine would help.

@socks1107 Thank you for sharing your experience and advice. It sounds like you've been through a really difficult situation. I appreciate your support and am taking steps to ensure a healthy balance with technology.

His just been staying on his room

@NordicwithTeen he has been staying after school to do homework but he seems like his in hurry just to get home fast and play.

@MeThinksTime i have been telling him that as soon as he get home, but he wouldnt listen at all. It goes to his ear then out to to the other ear right away. He just ignored me at times even if I tell him 10 ten times

With the constant telling him, pick your battles, he comes out of room at x time to eat, he showers daily. Make small things a priority.

He sounds like a typical teenager, my 13 year is exactly the same. I switch my Internet off all the time until he has done everything I have asked him too. Stick with it, it's not personal, I guarantee every parent with a teenager across the globe, is going through the exact same thing.

@SwanSong1 Thank you! I have a nephew who went through the same thing but got over it. When I asked him about it, he said that every teenager is the same and that he will eventually get over it. However, I’m worried about what if he doesn't overcome this and becomes even more absorbed in Roblox and Snapchat. Then I would feel like I failed even more.

Sympathies Op I have a 13 yr old and I understand this

the screen thing is horrible, I would just look at some complete bans for a while so he learnt to do other things

do you think he is doing anything dangerous online? Or talking to strangers/ being groomed/ ? could be on either roblox or snapchat

or watchign porn?

@waterrat sxtually none of those stuff, but thats where he is getting the swearing more on constantly playing. Non stop

I developed a very thick skin and ignored the name calling. The router was already unplugged by the time my DS got home.

He would have to do his homework before supper, then eat, shower & clean teeth before I plugged it back in. And he had to be in bed by midnight.

I threatened to cancel his phone contract if he didn't co-operate. And he isn't allowed phones upstairs either.

I can be far more obstinate than he can. But you have to be or they get horribly addicted. The trick is not to blink first. Definitely don't get upset. Your DS is a child. Whatever he says, he doesn't mean it.

The swearing and shouting on the game is a hard boundary. Make it very very clear the moment the language becomes in tolerable and too loud the router goes off, maybe one warning to be fair to both sides.

You need a win win solution. Give him a list he has to complete before screen time. So showered that day, teeth brushed first thing and last thing, room tidy, homework complete, dirty clothes in the laundry basket, polite manners, respect WiFi turn off at night.

What Meadow said. Detach completely. Think about this like having a very strong wicked toddler. You can't reason with them, so you need clear, consistent boundaries, do not negotiate, do not get upset or cross, make a rule and stick to it at all times.