Do they just do their own thing now? 13 11 10

[ForBlueBird]

I've got 4 girls aged 13 11 and 10 and 4. At the weekends before we would spend our days doing art and craft, watching movies, library, visiting grandma and homework. Now the older ones I never see any more. In their rooms mostly. Screen time on their phones has limits. They come down to eat mostly. 10 year old plays with 4 year old sometimes. They hate going to grandma's. Just want to go shopping. Or maybe out to eat. Sometimes they make a meal of their choice. I guess I just feel at a loss after an intense childhood where I was doing lots with them to hardly anything now. They show little interest in hobbies especially 13 and 11 year old or chose really expensive stuff to pursue like horse riding. 13 year old was doing guides but stopped. 10 year old does swimming. The older 2 do a teens club on Sunday for 2 hours but that's it. How do you spend weekends with teen girls? Should I ley them enjoy their own company and concentrate on my 4 year old. The age gap is difficult too as thry find her stuff boring ofcourse so don't necessarily want to be involved in library or park trips.

What do they do in their rooms all day? Usually the reason is screens.
My older children have some screen time(videogame) in their rooms but won't stay there for long once that is finished.
My older children would still be doing crafts,knitting,art,sport.
Still up to watch a movie and visit family friends with children of similar ages.
They would organise to meet friends either at home or shopping centre.
I find it sad especially for your 10 year old to spend most of the time in her room.

Thanks. Yes the reason is primarily screens but 13 year old also does hw and is an avid reader. The 10 year old has most variety in occupying herself as no phone so she will make posters read or do other arty stuff. She also plays with her younger sister.

I guess I'm asking is it normal to let them to thier own devices for longer periods of time when they get older. They do sometimes meet friends as well but usually holidays more.

If they're not on screens a lot then I wouldn't mind,they are occupying themselves in good ways.
You can use the time to give attention to the younger one

I think it's normal and if they're not always on screens I wouldn't worry about it too much so long as they still join in meal times etc. Bear in mind how much time you spent with just them when they were 4 and congratulate yourself on raising kids who can keep themselves entertained!!

I limit screens with my teens. And miraculously as soon as they stop being on their screens they start doing other things. It's the only way.

Screen time
Trying out make up and hair ideas
reading
listening to music and dancing
Homework
napping

We sometimes manage a movie together but our tastes are very differnt so it's difficult. Sometimes board games or we bake.

Going out is boring unless we do something specific like an exhibition DD also wants to see but a good old walk, no way.

She has hobbies, at that age quite a lot but only riding on weekends, the rest was all under the week.

Yep my 12 Yr old isn't keen on family time or plans ! Will do ocassiobal walk with moaning. After school would probably watch TV for a bit with me or younger siblings

Different as mine is v sporty and if sunny would be out in park with a ball.

But I say ..it's natural and well done if they aren't on screens for all their leisure time you are winning at parenting !

It’s normal for them to be more independent but I don’t think it’s inevitable that they spend lots of time alone in their room. Mine tend to be downstairs with us unless they are out with friends or doing homework. Homework becomes a big time drain as they get older.

i don’t allow watching movies on devices in rooms but offer to rent and download a good movie all together one evening each weekend. The older teens are often out on weekend evening but if they are home they watch.

I also try to suggest activities they will like so if they join me on a dog walk we get coffee and a pastry.

I also try to make time for 1:1 activities focused on something I know each likes (e.g my 17 year old loves art galleries so we sometimes have a day out together, my 15 year old loves coming to the gym with me, my 12 year old loves watching our local football club all together).

We eat weekend lunch and dinner together unless they are out. I often call them down to help cook and we eat slowly and chat and then clear away together.

I guess I’m saying I’ve had to develop strategies to keep them engaged.

My girls started to disappear into their rooms aged around 10 or 11. Normal for some kids. My dss's also do it, though theirs is screen related and dh refuses to take it in hand.

Limit screen time until after GCSEs.
Things my dcs still do as a family or with parents even though they are older -
Shopping for clothes and shoes
Visiting family
Holidays and trips
Cinema
Meals out and at home
Sometimes breakfast
Watch TV. Rewatched a lot of good shows with dc like The Office and Breaking Bad.

You shouldn't be needing to entertain children all day long anyway, it's quite normal past the preschool stage for children to occupy themselves for part of the day, I certainly let mine do what they wanted only intervening if arguments broke out, they were making too much mess (put away one thing before getting another out) or if they watched a film /2-3 episodes of a programme to suggest something non screen related (no tablets or smartphones then thankfully). Going out was generally met with groans by 10+ quite normal, but was non negotiable - the flip side of me being laid back at home is when I did say we were doing something we did!

As for hobbies, both were musical, plus choristers that sucked up significant time, unlike most hobbies they got paid to sing so were always happy to go!

As a teen your room is your fortress and refuge. Normal.

My teen DD is in her room most of the time. It's perfectly normal at that age. She's either reading, gaming online with friends, chatting with friends, doing homework, napping or just chilling. Fine with me. We enjoyed years of activities together. I'm glad it's all over to be honest! It was expensive and meant I didn't get much down time. It's great now.

Aside from screens, Dd will read, paint her nails, practice makeup, or mostly spend hours working on art.

we entice her out with family movie nights with real popcorn, not microwaved. Sometimes she and I do a craft project together.

Sounds fine! I spent a lot of time alone in my room from the age of ten. No screens or phones back then.

my teen girls have got into sport and that’s a good antidote to lying on their beds! Try getting them into an active hobby.

the only thing that is a bit sadly missing here is any mention of kids over the age of 11 just going out and about together or making independent plans.

children are capable of this and I think as a society we have forgotten. screens make it easier for kids to laze about at home rather than go to the park/ into town/ swimming whatever with friends - or in the good old days what woud have been 'playing out'

I found there was a huge shift in behaviour after Covid.

DD was 12 and went out lots before lockdown, shopping with friends, hanging out with friends after school broke for the holidays, meeting up on Saturdays but during the lockdowns, they learnt how to intereact remotely.

She still does things with one friend but otherwise it's Snap chat or WhatsApp mostly.

It got better recently when she re-connected with some at a drama group and they will hit McDonalds afterwards sometimes or meet beforehand at Starbucks/Costa.

She is definitely not the only one. We always said that our house is open for her to bring friends but it doesn't seem to be the thing anymore, maybe more for girls than boys though unless you have gamers who often interact online.