16yr DD - is this normal?

[Northernlass1234]

My 16 yr is lovely to everyone else but me! She has loads of friends and all her teachers and my parents (her grandparents) all think she’s an angel!

At home she’s a complete nightmare- she literally screams at me from the minute she gets in and i often have to go upstairs to avoid her!

More hurtful is the fact that she never apologises, never does anything nice and even though i constantly tell her i love her - she never says it back!

she has no empathy towards my feelings- and it’s something that’s bothered me for a long time.

I worry she will go off into the world and literally only call me when she wants something and it’s not the relationship i want.

should i just prepare myself for this?

even though i constantly tell her i love her - she never says it back!
this stood out to me. I have a 14 yo DD and if I did that to her constantly I think she’d get really frustrated and not want to me around me. Maybe ease off the love declarations a bit.

she constantly screams at you from the minute she comes home? That’s really odd. Do you know how she’s getting on at school? Any issues there that she’s venting about once home?

😂not that constantly - literally only at bedtime!

You stand your ground and repeat over and over, you do not speak to me like that. Then you ignore. Do not hide away but stay calm. It will pass.

I'd say it's not necessarily normal and you need to start to make clear to her that it is also unacceptable.
Stand up for yourself and set a few boundaries.
No lifts for someone who is rude, don't pander to her likes if she is rude about your food.
She'll have more respect for you I think and that should translate into better behaviour

Some of it is normal. She's a teen and using you as a safe person to get rid of her emotions/ frustrations etc. some of it I would ignore (and do with my own teen), but there's a certain line I don't accept and that's extreme rudeness/ name calling etc.
I just say 'I can hear you're angry/ frustrated etc. I am going to leave you to calm down as I will not accept being shouted at etc. I will be downstairs if you need a cuddle/ chat'. Then leave the situation.

No it is not normal and being a teenager and using hormones or any other justification does not make it so

She is rude and petulant and no one should put up with it, she needs help

I don't think it is normal. 16 year olds can be hormonal and sometimes it does feel like they are lovely to everyone else but the most my 16 year old DD has done is given me the occasional eye roll. She has never even raised her voice to me at all.

However I think this is down to the type of relationship we have. Is this a big change in her behaviour OP and did you always have a good relationship before? If so could there be something going on you perhaps don't know about?