Do any other parents feel like this!

[MrsW1234]

I have an amazing daughter! She is 14, well behaved and works hard at school! Since leaving her tiny primary she has had a few ups and downs but is doing ok now! I just really struggle with letting her grow up! Whenever she goes out i feel frozen wondering if she is ok! I worry to a point that I can’t function! I did have postnatal when she was born and it felt similar I was just so in awe of my much wanted and waiting for baby that I couldn’t believe it and became over protective! I want to be a mum who gives her roots and wings I just can’t stop this overwhelming anxiety! I am open with her so she knows this is my problem and I am working on it! We have a very close relationship and talk about everything and we have a lot of trust and honesty between us!!She is going to the USA next year with school and I am desperate to find ways to prepare myself! Is it just me? I see other parents who struggle but not to this extent! I am exhausted! I have tried counselling and it worked for a bit!

I am similar. Our eldest is thinking of getting a motorbike as his girlfriend’s family is really into them. I find motorbikes terrifying (after witnessing the aftermath of a motorbike accident coming out of school) to the point I tried to tell the kids just don’t get them when they were young enough to still value my opinion!

I had a chaotic and frightening childhood. Counselling and then EMDR helped me but I still ended up with stress related illness (eg IBS, stomach ulcers with no H Pylori bacteria present). And then in my mid forties, suddenly my coping mechanisms and self awareness weren’t enough. I actually went ping and ended up in hospital for a few weeks. I had been to GP a couple of times over the years but I under-complain (consultant roasted me for being there for an endoscopy based on my symptoms - no apology when they found multiple bleeding ulcers. Thankful for a wonderful GP!). In hospital they gave me the right medication and worked on a personalised wellness plan. Overthinking and tiredness fries my brain. I have accepted I need more rest than most people and also I need techniques to stop me thinking. They worked with me to formalise mine but it was mostly what I was already doing, I just wasn’t prioritising it enough as it made me feel “lazy”.

That was a very long winded way of suggesting maybe medication would help you? I totally recognise counselling helping for a bit. For me, thinking about it leads to overthinking and therefore counselling in traditional form is too much of a re-trauma (they phrased it better than me!) It’s changed my life to be on a mood stabiliser. I still get overanxious but I no longer feel like I’m heading towards the edge of a cliff in slow motion. The brain is an organ of the body like any other and sometimes medication helps it function better.

I have three teenagers and I think the kind of anxiety you are experiencing is very extreme. As long as I know where they are and the time they are due home or need picking up I generally don’t worry. You cannot be there to stop anything going wrong, only be there to support them when they do.

It’s important for teenagers to be given increased freedom and independence in order to become fully functioning adults. I would try to not project your anxieties onto your DD and try breathing exercises, distraction techniques or therapy if anxiety is getting the better of you.

Thank you for kind advice and for sharing personal experience, it is lovely to know that other mums feels this way! I think deep down I know I need to get some help! I believe in medication it’s just I thought I could cope without it. I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety and started taking mirtazipine but I struggled to wake up and put on 2 stone. I cannot get along with ssri’s so sometimes I feel like nothing can help me! However I think I will get some advice!! The only thing that ever calmed me down is diazepam I just wish there Was a similar medication that you could safely take daily.

I too do think it's a bit extreme. My 17yo regularly goes out with friends I haven't met and often it's to the pub. You have to trust them. I always think that you're growing adults. She'll. Evan adult much longer than she was a child and a lot of what we do with them as DC will be preparing them to hopefully make the right decisions and how to recover if they don't.

Have you seen a psychiatrist or just your GP? Might be worth asking if there is any reason stopping them being able to refer you if they haven’t already. The psychiatrist would have much more experience of people with similar symptoms to yours and many more drug options that a GP can’t prescribe. I had recurring UTIs a while back that came back with clear, no infection found urine samples. GP (different practice back then) didn’t consider blood test and referral to urology but when I asked what was stopping them doing that, a blood test had be quickly referred and the urologist said he saw cases like mine all the time. Sorted me out with one visit.

Is she your only child? I think that makes it harder to let them go.

Yes she’s my only child! You are right and it’s interesting how you knew she was my only child :) I struggled with having a baby before and after her so it might be a big contributor to how I ended up like this!

I don't think being open with her about this is good tbh. She doesn't need to know you are frozen and unable to function wherever she leaves the house. If you really do want to help her get on in the world don't let her end up feeling like she can't do anything for fear of worrying you.

I do empathise. It's hard to let them go, but I think this is a situation you should not be sharing with her.

I feel like this and my children are 7 and 4 🙈😂
I hate the thought of them growing up and letting go. Being a parent really is just SO intense isn't it 🙈