Teen on holiday

[FakeFlowersEverywhere]

Urgh, someone tell me that this is how it is and I won’t bother again.

Me plus DC on holiday, all week they’ve either been on their phone, or in their room whenever we are in the place we’re staying, including going to bed ridiculously early (7pm - presumably to spend all evening on their phone).

19, their choice to come, helped choose the location. Different sort of holiday for us but chosen together. Cost £2k for two for five nights.

I’ve had a word and said you know you are old enough to recognise that I count/deserve a bit of consideration and respect. Not sure if I’m being unreasonable but I’d expect them to actual sit in the same room as me in the evenings. Watch a film etc., currently feels like I’m doing solitary confinement away from home.

I guess I’d like to know whether I’m BU, or is this just how it is.

Sounds expensive and like you're having a rubbish time.

What things / fun are you doing together?

I think maybe you need to chalk this up to an expensive error. I think at that age they really don't see you as a companion. They probably just thought chance of a nice trip for free. They are not thinking about being a good companion to you.

Shopping, live music cafe they wanted to go to, walking, been to a city, nice lunches out instead of dinner (because I don’t want to drive at night).

I think you’re right @cansu . I don’t think I’ll be repeating it. I think I was thinking of my own trips as a teen with my parents. Maybe things have changed, but we cooked and ate/drank together, watched films, played cards.

I think that”s very rude of them and they are old enough to treat you more respectfully. I would accept they need a bit of downtime in the evenings if you have spent all day together but it’s not ok to spend the entire time on their phones or in their room.
If you have a few more days left ask them what activities they would like to do. Even if it’s just one thing a day, you can then leave them to their own devices and do what you enjoy for the rest of the time.

I would expect a lot better from a 19 year old.

I stopped going on holiday with my parents when I was 18. Next time, I'd leave them at home and have a lovely time without them.

How did they respond when you said that to them and have they changed their behaviour since?
If not, I’d remind them again.
Also worth reminding them this may be your last holiday together so might as well enjoy it together!

Thanks all, home on Saturday. Every day has included something of their choice. I’ve deliberately not arranged anything where we need to leave before 11am, today was out from 1pm-7pm for instance.

I won’t be doing it again. Far too much effort and expense on my part for this.

@MiddleagedBeachbum slight modification of behaviour, I’m past it now tbh.

It sounds like you're done for the evening quite early. With my kids ( teen and tween) we tend to head back to the room and all have down time from 5 -7 they can be on phones, I can have a bath, basically time to chill. Then we all head out for dinner, shopping, shows etc so we end up back about 10 / 11 pm. Would that work better maybe?

That's very rude. Our 18 year old son came abroad on family holiday in the summer and joined in with us. Had time separate too.

No, back at 10-11pm doesn’t work on this trip as I’d have to drive again in the evening and it involves driving during the day. DC can’t drive my car and I didn’t want to do a long trip in their small car.

I would never ever have treated my mother like this.
So sorry OP. How horribly selfish.

My 19 year old would defo have her face in her phone alot of the time but she'd sit beside me with a film or we'd play cards, some music and have some wine and snacks or something.

Thanks, 🙏. I’ve had to say, “can you please put your phone down, I find it incredibly rude” in restaurants this week.

I wouldn’t treat my parents like this either.

Onwards and upwards, I’ll consider a nice break solo next time.

Am away eith my teenager and we just had the spending too much time on the phone chat as well. In a beautiful part of the world but she would rather chat to her mates.
Yours are def old enoigh to pay towards their trip op.

It is tedious @Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead . It’s not about the money (DC is a student and works a day or so a week), I don’t expect them to contribute, but I do expect them to have a bit of respect.

Is this usual behaviour at home ? Do they have their phone out during dinner?
Id find that incredibly rude also. Sorry you’re having a bad time, but why has this gone on all week? Have you said something before now? What is there to do in the evenings?

Of course. Aarrgghh so infuriating.

@Beautifulsunflowers IME a 19 year old is a fully fledged person/adult. ‘Why has this gone on all week?’ - because whilst you can set your expectation/let them know that you find their behaviour disappointing etc., you can’t actually make a 19 year old do something in the same way you can a child.

IF you do it again book somewhere where you can walk to places. I think I'd be a bit bored with your timings.

We decided on the place and how our days would look together, the problem really isn’t the timings.

We’d planned our evenings, films, in the sauna, reading/relaxing, wine, food and chat.

Sounds similar to our experience but I do think unfortunately the phone thing is a shift and here to stay. We were in a reasonably expensive hotel restaurant in Asia and were at the older end of their clientele. The younger diners had phones pinging left right and centre throughout their meals and tbh it spoiled the experience somewhat for me. One large group of male diners must have spent a small fortune on their dinner and they were all on their phones at times throughout and one chap had two phones! Our teen stayed in the room on his phone as he didn’t want dinner. I suppose what I’m trying to say is it’s a very different world now to how it was when I grew up.

I think going somewhere where you're limited on evening activities because you don't want to drive and their car is too small (?) is not a great location. Book somewhere that's not so restrictive next time. It seems like yours and their expectations were just different. Personally if I go on holiday I never turn the tv on. I can do that at home. I want to explore places.

That's great if that's what you want to do @stanleypops66, however, the point of the trip was specifically for a restful week. DC has an autoimmune condition. I don't have the urge to explore endlessly, I'm generally knackered when I take leave and want a break. If they wanted to do that they wouldn't have chosen me to go away with.

They knew the score and helped to choose the break.

My issue wasn't with the location, accommodation or timings of the break, merely that they chose to spend most of the week on their phone and didn't bother being present in the evenings, particularly after I specifically booked somewhere with our own sauna because they expressed an interest in it. I planned really nice things during the day but not too much to wear them out.

@Fififizz , I think you're right, it is an issue for me in a restaurant tbh.

Anyway, last day today thankfully.