How do you cope with DC driving?

[LinManuelMirandaIsAGenius]

DD turns 18 in a few weeks. She passed her driving test in the summer, first time. She doesn’t have her own car, as she really doesn’t need one. She’s insured to drive my car and uses it a couple of times a week, mainly to go to her hobby (very local, within 10 miles). She’s had the odd longer drive, up to about 25 miles. I’ve been in the car with her a lot, she’s a really good driver, very calm and sensible and enjoys driving.

Obviously, the first few solo drives were worrying (terrifying, really) but I’ve got used to it a bit.

Today she has gone out for the day with two friends, involving a 40 mile each way drive, coming back after dark. The road is one I dislike myself (and I’ve been driving for 35+ years). There are a couple really tricky bits and I am so scared for her.
It wasn’t too bad when she went this morning, as it was light, but this road is awful in places in the dark. I wanted to beg her not to go, but know I can’t do that. I know they arrived there without issues, so I’ve been ok today, but as the time approaches for them to set off home I’m starting to get so worried.

How do you cope with things like this? I know there are many things to worry about as parents, but this seems to be something I particularly struggle with. Does it get easier?

My DS passed 6 months ago and has just returned from a road trip to Cornwall- honestly I tried not to think about it as it would have sent me crazy. I tend to pretend he is in his room 😆

Maybe organise a Pass Plus or similar, and do a few long drives with her, to increase both of your confidence.

You just have to trust them but it is so stressful. Ds17 has today driven 3 hours away for sports training and i stress until i know he has arrived.

DS has been driving for 3 years now and I still worry about him sometimes. He’s very good at indulging me though and lets me know when he sets off and when he arrives, especially when he’s heading back to uni. Stupid really as he’s a much better driver than me. He’ll happily drive into London and big cities whereas I’d be straight on the train.

It's difficult, but you have to believe that they are sensible and will drive carefully.

I remind myself that it's better that they are driving rather than doing what I did at eighteen, which was get lifts home from pubs and clubs with completely pissed dickheads I fancied, or lads who crammed 7 of us into something that had an MOT they'd bought of a bloke in the pub. Or blokes we had never seen before, but someone we vaguely knew told us they were heading back through our village at 3am...

(That was my 80s teenage life).

I think we’ll always worry about our ‘children’.

My oldest is 31 and I still worry when he rides his motorbike. My middle one drives over 100 miles a day commuting and I worry when I hear motorway accidents.

Take comfort in knowing she’s a good driver.

Yes, I try hard not to think about it. And then remember that when I was 3 weeks past my driving test I drove about 4 hours with just a map on my lap, to somewhere I'd never been, to trawl likely streets for a b and b (remember when they had signs outside) to stay the night before a horse exam. And then drove back the next day. Somehow we survived, and these days our kids have cars with so much more safety stuff, sat nav, phones to contact in emergencies etc. The odds are stacked in their favour.

I sometimes get them to share location just for the journey so I can see how it's going without them having to remember to message when they arrive etc. And I figure if it shows them making progress in the right direction everything is probably ok.

Mine have all driven from 17 (rural necessity) .. as did I. You have to just stop the worrying . Sad to say nothing else . They can be hit by a bus crossing the road .. attacked in a night club .. get a sudden and fatal disease.. (I know it's unbearable to think about ) BUT ..

Anxiety is proved to be inter generationally transferable.. so please don't let her know how worried you are . Driving has been and always will be one of my favourite things in the world . It's independence, freedom and fun all in one. Don't make it something she is unhappy to do because it makes you anxious.

My MIL still worries about my DH driving- he is 41! She is a nightmare passenger!

@Bobbybobbins that really made me 😂

I've yet to experience this as my eldest DD (18) is still doing lessons. But I do dread her going out driving once she's passed her test.

Its just like anything. 1st time they walked home from school you probably worried by the 10th time not so much but never truly happy until they walked through the door. Its the same with driving.

Yeah you just have to suck it up and do your best not make it their problem as much as possible!

Ds2 passed last Nov and hadn't driven since. In late Sep he got a car as he started work 1 Oct.
I was a bit of a wreck at first, and the time he went out and then stayed at his dad's so when I got up the next morning having expected him to have come home whilst I was asleep and his car wasn't there I was frantic (he says he told me he was probably staying at his dad's).
Mostly I don't even think about it now, and it's only been just over a month.

Thanks everyone for your replies, they’ve really helped put things in perspective. It was the effort of not letting her know how worried I was/am that’s made it worse, I think. DH been at work all day, so I’ve been home with DD2 (11) and I obviously couldn’t let her know how I’ve been feeling.

My experiences being a teenager in the 80’s was very similar to some of yours. I was driving 3 hours on motorways to see my then boyfriend at Uni within weeks of passing my test (at 19). And spent many an evening being driven around in the backs of random’s cars younger than that, so it’s good to be reminded of that!

Lots of good, practical advice too. Pass Plus is definitely something we should look into, and sharing locations would be a good idea too.

Honestly, thank you all so much.

I won’t relax until I hear the car pull up on the drive, though. Until the next time….

At the age of 54, (and driving since they were 18) I still ask my child to text me when they set off from wherever they are. It's a pact I made with myself. If I knew when they'd set off, I'd know, approximately when they'd get home. The time between them setting off and getting home was my "no worry" time.

My child says it makes them.smile that I still do this, but they understand my worry, so it's easier and kinder for them just to do the texting thing.