DS and girl from work

[Orangesandlemons77]

DS (19) is working part time and living at home as a university student. He's met a girl at work, they are friends and he's been giving her lifts etc

The girl has some problems with her parents and recently not been going home, seems to be staying with a friend of DS's due to this.

DS seems to go running if she needs a lift / any support with anything and has been staying out really late (e.g. till 4am) with her and is worrying about her and he's struggling to get up for work and university

Thing is he is over 18 now and I guess it is up to him but would you say anything get involved?

Leave him to it- he won't listens to you anyway and he's an adult. If he was living away for uni you wouldn't even know what time he was getting home etc

Yes I would talk to him, and remind him that he needs to be looking after himself as well. It is not a bad thing that he obviously cares/ has feelings for her, maybe, but he will be no use to anybody if he runs himself into the ground. What parent would just stand back, and watch their child fall apart, without saying a word. I never understand those who think that you should never say anything.

If you think that having a sensible conversation with your child about something like this is hyperbole, then it would be optional to do it.

Does it matter? It could have been a niece, or nephew that the OP was talking about, and my advice would still be the same.

Course I’d say something. He’s my kid, living in my house and I’d be worried about him cocking up college.
Bit in MN land young people are totally independent adults on their 18th birthday who’s privacy and autonomy we mustn’t impinge on… whereas in most families I know we get up in their kids business until they leave home ( and then we still get up in their business because we care!)
Id fall apart if I went to bed at 4 am every night. Just have a chat to him op no need for conflict or drama.

He wants in her pants. We've all been there.

It would kind of be easier if he was away for university really

DH really worries over it but I think he needs to deal with it himself really. Tricky. I might try asking how it is going and see if he wants to talk about it.

Spot on OP. He is clearly her support person and you are one of his. Tell him you are proud that he is helping his friend and remind him you are there if he needs anyone to talk to.

I would do this too and I have an 18 year old. I find he's pretty good at at listening to what I have to say and then making his own decisions. Sometimes he's swayed by me and sometimes he isn't.

I don't think he's 'falling apart' that is a bit dramatic. He seems Ok in himself.

Just have a gentle word about his studies and not being too available for this girl. That's all you can do , try and steer him in the right direction.

Thanks, He can get a bit sort of defensive if I try and advise, I will try and approach it sensitively.

At nineteen, burning the candle at both ends is an actual possibility. Oh, to be young again!

No idea why @LadyKenya is getting a hard time. I have a similar age DC and I’d be concerned and say something if this happened in my house. Of course I know that when they’re away at uni or living elsewhere independently they might be doing this and worse and I’d be none the wiser but he’s living at home so it affects the OP more and we don’t stop caring for our DC when they reach 18.

That's normal , just lay out your concerns and then you'll have to leave him to it.

I'm with @LadyKenya.

You don't have to lay down the law or be a twat. But a reminder that he could lose his job and his uni work will suffer if he doesn't get at least some sleep wouldn't go amiss and a chat about what's going on with the girl and if there's anything you can do to help or advise.

My own same age DS is having some life issues and problems at the moment; we quite often sit and chat about what's going on and I'll give him my perspective and wisdom. And sometimes he takes it on board. Because, you know, been there, done that, got the T Shirt.

My own parents would always stand by silently and let me fuck up and I quite often wished they'd said something.