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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Tricky situation with DDs boyfriend

6 replies

PomegranateKernals · 20/10/2024 09:16

My lovely dd is 15, and going out with a boy who has just turned 18. She will be 16 at xmas.
I've never really warmed to him, but she's smitten. Spends as much time as
possible with him. She's in yr11, so it's a busy school year. He is at the local college doing A levels.
The other night she was in floods of tears. Told me they'd had an argument becaus she'd said he couldn't come and watch her training. No body goes to that particular evening's training to watch.
Then she told me that he has a short temper.
But she doesn't see this as a problem.

I've been in an abusive relationship or two, and it all starts with a short temper.
She was sulky againg this morning (the sulkiness is new, but I keep reminding myself she's 15 and that's to be expected) while I was taking her to a different training thing. I asked her what's up. She said it's becaus you don't like my bf.

I told her I didn't and I think he's unkind to her, she shouted at me a lot.

I know that telling her she can't see him is going to be counter productive. So how can I make it all ok?

She's not talking to me now.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 20/10/2024 09:27

Could you rephrase it? It isn't him as such, it is some of the things he says/does and the impact on her that concern you? That relationships at her age should be light and you are concerned that this one isn't?

PomegranateKernals · 20/10/2024 09:31

Exactly! They should be just having fun. He seems to be very demanding of her time, and she has school work to do. Her grades are not too bad so far but her whole demeanour has changed since she started seeing him.

I know they change and push boundaries at this age, but I'm definitely concerned.

OP posts:
Runskiyoga · 20/10/2024 09:37

I would say 'I'm not telling you you can't see him, I am telling you that you can talk to me at any time, even if we argue I am still here for you, I'm telling you that you can expect better from him, that you can end this relationship for any reason or no reason at any time. I will be honest about what I think is best for you, and I will step in if I think my under 16 is at risk at any time, even if that leads to an argument. I wish I didn't know how to spot red flags in a relationship, but unfortunately I have been in abusive relationships and I wish I knew then what I know now and stopped it sooner, so my words come from a place of wanting better for you. Now let's have dinner/watch a movie/make friends again, so you can feel like you.' I would be concerned about their ages and would be more likely to step in if further concerns because of this.

PomegranateKernals · 20/10/2024 09:44

Oh that's so lovely and much better than the crap I was spouting those morning!
I will send her something like that, thank you!

OP posts:
Runskiyoga · 20/10/2024 12:13

I thought you did good, you backed her and said what you thought. I think her being sulky was because she realised you were right (she didn't like what he did, and you confirmed it wasn't ok) and now has to think about what to do. Hope it goes well for you all.

PomegranateKernals · 21/10/2024 09:33

Things are not brilliant this morning. She git back from her day out late last night. One of her problems is that she is always very glum when she's tired. She didn't speak to me at all. Then this morning, barely said a word.
I wonder whether I just just leave her to her own devices for a while.
I'm sad, feeling glum myself!

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