Future fears

[Wellington79]

Does anyone have any advice for dealing with a dd16 who really doesn’t know what she wants from life?
She is at sixth form doing a levels- two subjects she is interested in and maths because she is good at it and it is a good career choice. she is bright and likely to do well at a level.
However, she really doesn’t know what she’d like to do as a career- she has considered law, psychology, architecture and many other things. She is now saying she doesn’t want to go to university (that’s fine by us) but equally doesn’t know what she would like to do instead. We’ve talked about taking a year out after a levels to consider her options and possibly even do an art course for one year.
this is really getting her down and I’ve no idea how to help.
she is even saying that she doesn’t want to become an adult and she is dreading turning 18.
I know sixth form will have a career advisor but it seems deeper than that.

It's not uncommon for teens to feel this way.

Education up to this point has been free and largely not needed any choices that really close things off - a levels often still allow lots of uni courses.

The prospect of getting into debt and choosing only one subject can be very overwhelming for some teens.

A gap year might be a good idea. Time to get her thoughts in order.

My DC is currently doing a one year Art Foundation course prior to doing an art degree. Is your DD doing Art A level (or have GCSE Art?) My DC has both and whilst they are doing well, those without these are not and struggle. I’m NOT suggesting you would, but Art foundation is not just a filler. It is a pre requisite for many very decent degrees and, depending on location, highly thought of.

Edited to add that if Art might be a route then your DD will need a portfolio.

I think the real issue here is tackling the fact that uncertainty - which is completely natural at 16! _ is getting her down. Where does she get the belief she should know what to do with her life now?

I would try and just pick that apart with her, tell her it's normal to not know til adulthood/ til you leave uni/ til your mid twenties!

I have friends who trained as doctors in their twenties and even one in their mid 30s.

She is a child still - I think you should just not respond too much and tell her that it's okay to even just work in a cafe for a couple of years if she isn't sure which path to take.

I do feel sorry for young people - they are pushed thorugh an education system that constantly prepares them for 'the next thing' - so in year 5 its 'oh you are nearly year 6 now! you better grow up!0 - then in Year 6 they go on about secondary and sats - then that continues all through secondary and the huge stress of GCSEs -

We aren't teaching them that life is just to be lived moment by moment - it's actually not surprising she dreads being an adult - thinking she has to now go to the 'next step' so clearly

tell her it's time to switch off and recover from the education treadmill!

I am now a senior professional - but some of my happiest memories of my early 20s (I'm now 47 ..!) - were working in pubs and cafes, I loved it - wasn't for me for life but it was very enjoyable at the time.

It sounds like your daughter is feeling overwhelmed with the pressures of choosing a career path, and that’s completely understandable at her age. It's important for her to know that it's completely normal not to have everything figured out at 16. Many people don’t settle into a career until later in life, and it’s okay to feel uncertain. Reassure her that not having a set plan doesn't mean she's falling behind.

Encourage her to explore different interests without the expectation of making definitive choices. This could involve job shadowing, internships, volunteering, or even casual conversations with people in different fields. Exposure to different environments might spark an interest that she hadn't fully considered.

If you find the issue deeper than just career uncertainty, it might be helpful for her to talk to a counselor. The feelings about adulthood, combined with the dread of turning 18, suggest there may be anxiety or deeper concerns. A behavioral counsellor can help her work through these feelings.

My DS16 is going through exactly the same thing. He can't seem to see anything positive in his future and is anxious that life is only downhill from here. He is academically very capable, but isn't very enthusiastic about the subjects he's doing (maths, physics, chemistry) and has chosen them on the basis that he's good at them. I think he feels that his peers all know exactly what they want to do and achieve, are passionate about their subjects, and are ambitious about future careers and he feels he doesn't have any of this.

Is your daughter open to the idea of counselling or even a casual chat with someone at her sixth form who can reassure her it's ok to feel like this? It's very hard to keep coming up with positives and reassurance as a parent, I know. Maybe someone else's perspective could help her? Good luck! It's so hard, this age.

Yes she got a 9 in gcse art and is always doing art projects at home.
She was torn between doing more ‘acadmic’ subjects at a level which is the path she’s chosen and art/music and I think she is still conflicted between the 2 career paths. This is one of the reasons we suggested architecture as a possible career. So art is definitely not a ‘filler’ but a chance to possibly help her decide if she wants a more creative career.

I’m glad it’s not just us with this issue, so much of what you’ve said resonates.
She seems to think it’s all downhill and is academically very capable but not really passionate about her a levels. She seems to be going through the motions (but thankfully doing ok).
Im also struggling to be positive and reassuring and I’ve suggested she ask to speak to the careers team.
good to know it’s not just us- thank you