Screen time and moody teen

[Screenrules101]

After realising that there's been a clear link between my 13 year old son's recent screen time increase and his mood, I have decided it was time to limit screens again.
I had given him more freedom around screen time thinking that the limits before (2 hours a day) would help him make good decisions for himself after turning 13. But some weekends he's between 3-6 hours. I'm not including screen use for homework, so purely games, TV etc. He's also been increasly moody (yes I know hormones don't help with that), bickering, picking minor arguments, straight away asking when he can go back on the devices and just sitting around until the screen free time passes. We do help entertain them in this time but really some boredom is good for kids. He has plenty of board games, books, toys, park nearby. He attends 3 clubs in the week and not interested in a weekend one nor can the other be moved to a weekend.

How long is your teen allowed screens (particularly weekends)?
What do they do when screens are off?

My son is that age snd yes addicted to the phone. I've tried to block but the apple controls just don't seem to block tik tok

I would say the difference in our case is that my ds does go out a lot more and has a lot of football over weekends and chooses to go to the park more regularly

I thinknof course they need limits the phone and apps are addictive.

I feel sick tbh at how much time my son spends on it it feels very difficult to control

No screen time for games allowed

@waterrat might be worth trying Google Family Link to control time on TikTok? It works on iPhones. It's very good.

I use 'screentime' controls to limit TikTok to one hour a day. It seems a lot to me, but she still moans daily about it 😩🤦‍♀️

Having this problem too.. esp weekends. Seems like there are few alternatives (not sporty) I away between acceptance / resignation & fear/panic.. & just hope he grows out of it. Unlikely I know.

My teens (13 and 16) get 2-3 hours of gaming each non school day (until lunch) and they have to do something else in the afternoon. They aren't allowed tictok or instagram or any social media that connects with stranger (not school friends) so that means they are not so addicted.

@Bridgetoo thank you - I actually really need practical tips! I have spent hours googling why iphone controls don't work properly!

@wazzuppa my new theory is they will moan WHATEVER you do / whatever the rules are

so you might as well be strict!

At one point my son had hours of tik tok because I just could not get it blocked and he still moaned. so now it's set to 10 minutes and he can moan about that instead!

@driedapricots101 I hear you on how difficult it is when they are not sporty.

the loss of youth clubs in the UK is tragic as part of this.

I found when they are sitting around complaining and flopping until the screens are allowed again it means the screen time allowance is way too high and needs to be reduced.

I was a moody 13yr old and there were no screens then. My parents didn’t even allow a television in the house.

The screens are not causing moodiness, back talk or teen rebellion. It’s a perfectly normal for a teenager to be more hard work to parent than a preteen.

You are trying to use the screens as a means to regulate his behaviour because it is something he likes to use as a window onto the world.

When he has 3 clubs, he’s gets his exercise and education done, then why limit what he does for enjoyment and to destress? I would only restrict screens if they were causing distress- ie cyber-bullying or grooming or serious addiction type situations.

3-6hrs of screen plus TV on a weekend is not an addiction.

They aren't allowed tictok or instagram or any social media that connects with stranger (not school friends) so that means they are not so addicted.

This is sensible, limits should be blocking off things that are harmful, rather than clock watching.

DD year 7: phone and ipad are unlocked 7am - 9pm weekdays.
DS year 8: phone unlocked 7am - 9:30pm weekdays.
They are allowed to read for half hour after phones off.

DS year 2: ipad goes off at bed time which is anywhere between 8-9pm. (He wakes up at 7 on weekdays but sleeps until 9ish on weekends).

We're not particularly bothered on weekends, they usually fall asleep watching their TV. If they start to get grumpy then we'll make them come off earlier but they're pretty good with it really. I have blocked tiktok though so they're only using YouTube or streaming.

Not as a means to control behaviour. It's more there has been an increase in negative behaviour since allowing more screen time. I never said he has an addiction but it is affecting his mood. Even my son has said before that he's noticed he is more irritable when knowing he has to come.
We already ban SM so that's not an issue.
He is keen to reduce his screen time, but I wanted ideas from other parents on how they have helped their own children do this.

The 'screens' in question here is a VR headset.. he's on it for up to 2 hrs at a time sometimes if we're not on the case (which is draining).. he's having a great time, laughing, chatting & being physical (comes off dripping in sweat) so I feel there are def positives. He's not into any sm apps but does get sucked into YouTube shorts.. mainly about gaming.. I guess this is teen life now. I have nothing alternative to offer him really.. but anyone else have a teen obsessed with VR games? Not sure how it affects their brains?!

Coincidence isn’t necessarily correlation or causation.

Kind of like parents noticing their kids developed autistic behaviours after their MMR jabs, you are noticing he is being more of an irritable teen since allowing his screen time to increase.

As you have said he is not accessing any material that is known to be harmful,and his usage is really about the same the average teen spent on video games, and watching TV before smartphone, I don’t see any evidence of a causal relationship.

13yrs old is well known for when hormones are raging, social pressure among peer groups spikes. It isn’t easy being a teenager day to day. It is far more likely the behaviour and mood changes you are observing are due to his entering the teenage life phase.

It is a phase I would treat with empathy and not a project to cure.