DS(13)"friends" tease him a throw his stuff around.

[Moominmamma73]

I'm not really sure how I can help my son as it is his so called friends that upset him. He is a sensitive boy and quite shy. His friends take his stuff at school and throw it around. They also call him gay which I really think in 2024 why is this an insult still!! He had long hair in year 7 which he really liked but was obviously teased about this. He has big blue eyes with very long eyelashes and so he got called a girl. Even our dentist who he'd been to his whole life said come on young lady! This all knocked his self confidence when he started high school. This year he has had his hair cut short and now they are calling him trasgender 🤷🏻‍♀️
I'm just really looking for Some advice for on how to help him. I think his dad wants to talk to the school but I think this will cause further issues. He is such a kind and lovely boy I don't want him to become like his friends. Are they just being boisterous or is it bullying? Mostly my son just copes but occasionally it really gets to him.
He isn't at all sporty but prefers reading and computer games so I guess doesn't fit in to that crowd.
I have said he should talk to his friends and let them know he doesn't like this behaviour. Set some boundaries but I'm not sure he has done that. I tried him at a self defence class but after 2 sessions he decided it wasn't for him. Any other tips on how to help? Thanks in advance and sorry for long post!

It’s so hard to know what to do, but fundamentally these children aren’t his friends and he needs new ones.

it sounds pretty horrendous for him so I would be asking the school to intervene (know this will be the end of these ‘friendships’). You could consider moving schools. I would also be looking to get him involved in extra curricular clubs where he can build solid friendships with people with similar interests.

Keep talking to him about it, telling him it isn’t acceptable, giving him space to think about he feels about it and give him options for things to do about it.

They are not his friends; friends don't call you names and throw your things around. Can you help increase his social circle outside of school? How about Scouts, cadets, etc.? I would speak to the school; they need to know what's going on here.

I had a few friends like this in school. They would take my things and chuck them around or write things about me on the blackboard, making out it was all a big joke. I tried to brush it off like I wasn’t bothered, because they were my ‘mates’, but looking back it was actually a form of bullying I suppose.
I remember coming back one lunchtime to the classroom and they had written a big list of things on the board that I talked about and were all laughing about it. Not nice really.
As I gained confidence I started giving back as good as I got, which probably wasn’t the way you are meant to deal with it, but it worked.

Has he got any other friends he can move more towards?

It is tricky. Some of it probably started a messing around and joking but there is probably one or two kids in the group that are now using this so called banter to bully him. He needs to stand up for himself and be assertive or he needs to phase these friends out and find new ones. Can you work with him on how to do this? Practise being assertive. If he can't do this then you will need to speak to the school.

I think extra curricular clubs is a very good idea and yes I think these kids aren't true friends if they continue with this. I just know that he finds it difficult to make friends but outside school could be different. I will ask him how he feels about scouts. Thank you

This is why some schools are beginning to ban all types of “banter”. Because it’s actually bullying!

At first I thought it was overkill but I’m definitely agreeing with the movement now and wondering if more schools will bring it in!

Hope your DS is alright. Do what it takes to help his confidence grow!

Are there any other options for schools nearby- we have lots of options close around us which is why I ask. If so I think a fresh start can be really beneficial sometimes.

I would absolutely go in and tell the school. Poor lad, this is bullying.