Sleepovers

[40mumof2]

How does everyone navigate sleep overs with their teens ?

Do you just let your ( 13 yr old ) DD do this?or is it a no in your household ? Does it depend on the situation?

Bit of background my daughter has found secondary school life very difficult since year 7
Developed an eating disorder less than a year ago but is on the road to recovery now
Had had endless bullying and now seems to be doing really well since starting year 9

She is under CAMHs and is getting support but it's been a rough ride ( hospitalised in January for a month due to the ED)

Anyway sleep overs were out while she was going through her hard times and she didn't have a strong friend network - hardly any friends at one point sadly

She does now but she does bounce between best friends for weeks at a time then new ones and the old ones are no longer her friends

Very happy for her that she's recovering well and making friends but this new girl has been in her life 3 days - she met her on the school bus and she asked if she could see her after school at the park to which I agreed

She's come home and said this girl has asked if she can stay at her house this weekend ?
The girl has also just been dumped by her girlfriend of a year and my DD told me she is in year 11 and my DD is year 9
She said this girl sent her a lovely message saying she was a ' great listener and don't worry she doesn't fancy her in that way! '

What would you do? I'm battling between letting her be a 13 yr old girl and having fun with her friend but honestly this year has left me/ us as a family scarred
But I know it's important to not let this affect her childhood and wanting to do normal things!

(She was self harming and suicidal at one point )

Back in my day it was never as hard as teens have it now, I had school friends of years and my sleep overs I did my mum knew the parents !

Is this just the norm now ?

Advice much appreciated please

I would be concerned about this particular friendship to be honest, knowing a random girl on a bus for 3days who’s in year 11, so potentially 16…. Ugh, giving me 🚩

Do they go to the same high school?

It’s so hard to navigate isn’t it. My dd is just 14 but I’ve not really had this issue as so far sleepovers have only been with established friends. Given she only met this girl this week (plus every thing your dd has been through) I’d be inclined to suggest she can go round, but set a time (I’d say 9 or maybe 10?) that you collect her. Assuming all goes well, they can plan a sleepover next time. I really don’t think I’d be keen on a sleepover with someone she barely knows.

There's no way on earth I would let my DD go on a sleepover with someone she hardly knows.

Exactly what my thoughts are - these girls come and go with my DD and I just worry she's vulnerable it's like she's looking to fit in so desperately

I've already said no to the sleep over I just wanted some real life parents advice 😊

My husband is exactly the same opinion

The way she was looking at me when I told her no was like I was a crazy mad lady

Good idea - I did say she can come over and I think I'd rather the friend come to mine
Just with all she has been though and not knowing this girl

Thanks all

I think considering her history, I'd be pretty worried about that happening. Year 9 and 11 friendship happening randomly and having a sleepover is quite strange as they are not even in the same year. My teen daughters are allowed to pretty much manage their own sleepovers but that's because they always do it with close friends. I personally think a sleepover should happen after there's an established friendship.

I agree with inviting the friend over to hers instead and seeing how it works then. If her friend refuses that, then just don't let her go.

It would be a no from me. Too risky.

DSD is 13 and goes to sleepovers all the time as well as hosting them at her mum's and dad's houses BUT this is with a friendship group she's known for at least 2 years, and many of them for longer, and all the parents are known to mum and dad. There's no way she'd be sleeping over at the house of someone she met on a bus this week!! Her mum even "chaperoned" her first date with the new boyfriend even though he was a friend of a friend she'd met in a group before.

Another dilemma regarding this bloody sleepover ! Advice needed

I've stated no for the time being and said
Just get to know people before wanting to do sleepovers and she's accepted it ok

Since this post she has seen this girl a handful of times, she's gone to her house after school for an hour and she's been here once. She seems nice/fine

She's also coming over for Halloween

Anyway...I'm separated from her dad and we are very much amicable
She goes there every other weekend and yep you've guessed it, she's asked her dad if she can sleepover there and yep he's said yes! So now they want to arrange it

What do I do? Obviously what goes on under his roof is his rule and vice versa
For ex's we are pretty amicable, rarely clash ( been split 11 years ) both married to new partners and he's a good dad

Her step mum has said to my DD comments like what's your mum's issue ? How mean ? Your poor friend, we don't understand etc
I don't bite to her comments - she's done it for years and seems very bitter that I used to be married to her husband for some reason so I always ignore

However her dad has just officially asked me so I've obviously replied saying no and my reasons
I'm waiting for the backlash

😕