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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Would you leave them yet?

3 replies

Merinaz · 02/10/2024 20:28

I know there’s no specific ‘legal age’ and it’s the parents’ duty to ensure their kids are safe, and it depends on the child, etc. I’m just interested to hear what others would do, because I’m naturally high anxiety and worry a lot, and I’ve had a few surprised comments lately that we still don’t leave our kids. I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be lovely to be able to go out for a spontaneous meal (walking distance) as a couple, or even just a nice peaceful walk. But I always base it on worst case scenarios, eg. how would they cope with a house fire or if someone choked, which is why I still don’t feel like we can leave them. However, by that logic, I’ll still be wanting to keep an eye on them when they’re adults, and know I will have to let go eventually.

We have four kids. Eldest is almost 17, but not responsible - puts his headphones on and ignores everyone. Second is almost 14, very level headed and responsible, good with his younger siblings. Then an almost 12 year old (sensible but young for his age), and a 9 year old who can act up but I expect would behave well in this situation.

We do leave our eldest home alone (but not overnight) now, and our second eldest for shorter periods. But not yet at the stage where we feel we can leave all 4. I was babysitting other people’s kids from the age of 12, but we live in different times now. I lean towards thinking that the time may come when our youngest is in secondary, but would like to hear other views and experiences.

OP posts:
Hye000 · 02/10/2024 22:09

Definitely depends on your kids, and if you say that the eldest is not very responsible with regards to keeping an eye out for everyone else if he has his headphones on, then you have to specifically designate your 14yo as the ‘Boss’ or person in charge as it were. Go through the rules with that child, no cooking, no answering the door etc etc, ensure they have a phone to hand that’s on loud. Start off with a walk around the block etc to ensure the younger one is doing as they are told and they get used to being told what to do by the other sibling (that’s usually the issue leaving multiple kids at home, my brother and sister used to fight like cat and dog every time we were left home alone, I basically looked after myself and kept well away!!)

JazbayGrapes · 03/10/2024 16:53

I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be lovely to be able to go out for a spontaneous meal (walking distance) as a couple, or even just a nice peaceful walk. But I always base it on worst case scenarios, eg. how would they cope with a house fire or if someone choked, which is why I still don’t feel like we can leave them.

Sounds like you need to address your anxieties. Your kids are more than old enough to "let" you go for a walk or a meal.

workplaceshenanigans · 03/10/2024 17:30

Start small. Go for a half hour walk a couple of times a week, or pop to the local shops or something. See how you feel after that.

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