Tik Tok post

[2pacdads]

So here's the predicament

We have all lived together for 3 years now and although its been rocky at times and my eldest daughter havn't always seen eye to eye with my partner, things have settled massively. We have the children on a 40/60 split so we are all together for a lot of the time

So, a derogatory post was posted on Tik Tok by my 39 year old ex about my current partner. My partner has seen this to which we discussed at our age, just ignore and move on, we understand its just the way she is

However, it has been bought to my attention that my eldest teenage daughter had reposted this and commented on the post, in a supportive way

I now don't know how to approach this with her, and do i add fuel to the fire by telling my partner? Its all very pathetic in my eyes, but i cant help but think this two faced behaviour from my daughter is ok?

Please help

She's just a teenager though. And she's between a rock and a hard place if your ex is her mother.

I don't think it's 'two faced' and it's very hard to say if it's disrespectful because we don't know if the original video is specifically about your partner.

If it's a video about how doctors always leave their wives for nurses then that's one thing but it it's about how Norma Smith had an affair with Jim Jones that's a different thing.

Why didn’t you just keep your children’s home as their home rather than bringing in a new partner and all associated drama in to their family home and life.

FFS

but i cant help but think this two faced behaviour from my daughter is ok?

she doesn’t want to share her home, bathroom, lounge, family life…. with your boyfriend OP

And the parents can never move on and be happy? We're not talking about 4 year olds here ffs.

Right, let's have misbehaved teens rule the roost and dictate our future happiness and ignore the fact they're reposting nasty videos on tiktok.

No wonder the worlds full off entitled little shits.

Or just date your boyfriend and wait until you don’t have children / teenagers who have to start sharing their home life, holidays, living space… with their mum’s boyfriend

Are you ok nootcoffee? Im here to talk if need be

Let me clear this up a little

I split from ex 5 years ago, new relationship started a year later, we all moved into a new home together when the time was right and have been for the past 3 years. I make you 100% right M340 on the entitled little shits part haha

Anyway we digress.

The video was a direct attack with screenshots of usernames, theres no question here. And as petty as it is (the reason i left social media) it just feels like in life my partner and daughter are on a level and communicate, but online my daughter has been two faced

All good here

No unhappy teen daughter
No watching my boyfriend and teen daughter argue on and on
No childish ex posting tik tok videos of my boyfriend
and no mumsnet thread on the go wondering if my poor teen girl is two faced or not

🤷

you moved him in to the family home after one year of dating

ok

each to their own

but may explain why your teen daughter is behaving like this

The issue is your ex. You can't really criticise a child for copying a parent, nor for trying to stay aligned with a parent, or both parents (you by getting on with the new partner, your ex by commenting on SM).

Ask your ex to delete the post.

Have an honest conversation with your DD about what she really feels.

Ask her to delete her comment on the grounds that SM isn't the place for stuff like this.

Avoid involving your new partner in any of this, it is unnecessary drama. If nothing gets removed you may have to tell them. But don't blow it up, plenty of teens have written words to the effect of 'my mum/dad is an idiot' despite liking them really.

I’ve seen a whole lot of ‘dumb’ comments on MN but you definitely win a prize for this one 🙄

Let me guess… moved your boyfriend in soon after starting to date? 😆

Let me guess… sad singleton, claims to be protecting their kids but just can’t find anyone to tolerate them 🤭

single
two children
not even thought about dating tbh
children, work, exercise, friends, holidays… life is full and happy enough

I suppose i’ll join up to the apps when i do feel like something is missing. But never in a month of sundays would i ever move him in to my children’s family home until they were at least at uni

PS I won’t speculate about your unhappy situation with blending families @Hye000 . It’s all here on mumsnet according to threads you’ve started and posts. So i will hide thresd now , as it’s obviously all very raw for you and i don’t want to exacerbate 🌷

OP, you daughter is not "tow faced" - I guess she has to/ chose to behave and be civil in the house to avoid drama, but this post clearly shows what she thinks of your partner - she felt she has her parent (your ex) backing and could express how she feels.

I would keep your current partner out of it, and instead talk to your daughter in a non-judgemental way to see how she really feels about this situation. Moving house and having to live with someone they barely knows (and someone she might have a whole bunch of unpleasant and conflicting feelings about) can be a big stress for a teenager. And I would have a word with your ex about posting stuff like this (on tik tok, ffs - are they 15?)

But definitely not blame or punish your child.

edited - sorry, phone typing...

What’s the relationship with her other parent like ? Maybe she has to be supportive online so that she doesn’t become the target of her other parent’s posts ?
IME kids with divorced parents often tell their parents what they think they want to hear.