14 year old using school to blackmail me

[Canneversleep]

Arhhhh just when I think things are getting better. I’m rubbish at the parenting, it so hard.

Because of bad attitude and poor behavior I have limited my dd screen time today to 2 hours. She had extra earlier for getting her uniform ready for school and cleaning her room. She has now just come to me with her phone asking for more time on tik tok. I said ok 15 mins and that’s it. She is now saying she is refusing to go to school tomorrow unless I give her more time. What should I say to this? That her screen time will be less for the rest of the week? When Iv done this before she’s threatened to run away without her phone as there’s no point in taking it if she can only message and call me and the people Iv allowed.

She doesn't go to school she loses TikTok. Non negotiable

you are not a rubbish parent you are doing your best like we all are. I agree with above and have been in similar situation- the demands and threats will escalate do not give in as it just gets worse

If you’re going to make a screen time limit then that is the set limit - no negotiation or extra, especially for doing things that she should already be doing without reward like getting her uniform ready. I think that part of the problem is that you’re sending her mixed messages.

I’d be taking away screen time privileges for the rest of the week to make it absolutely clear that blackmail is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. If she does dig her heels in and refuse to go to school tomorrow then there’s no devices, no TV or WiFi etc. She’ll have a very boring day and learn her lesson.

It does seem like you're in a situation whereby your DD feels that she has more power than you. You do need to redress the balance and make boundaries clearer. She is still a child.

Say okay fine. Take the phone off her. She loses the 15 minutes and her phone for two days.

Just wanted to add that my daughter used to threaten me, saying she was not going to go to school. She knows I physically can't get her there. Once she left the house and didn't end up going. It was the first and last time she ever did it, as I was honest with the school that morning.
Rang them up and told them the truth. She had refused to come in. I ended up in a meeting with her head of year. She was mortified that I had informed the school and hasn't done it again.
I think when you decide on something, consequence etc you have to just follow it through.

Please do not let her blackmail you. She's a child and needs boundaries. If you give in to this, it's a slippery slope.

You're the adult, you're in charge, assert your boundaries. if you need her to have a phone for safety reasons (travelling to and from school) let her have it then and remove it when she's home.

Get that phone off her and laugh in her face. She doesn’t get to dictate terms!

Honestly I’d have the phone off her and tell her she only gets it at weekends now for an hour at a time.

Shed be so grounded for trying that on, so grounded

Just remove yourself from the equation.

Explain to her the legal requirement to attend school and that, if she doesn’t go in, you will be emailing the school to let them know why. I would have an e mail prepared and ask her if she wants you to hit send.

Tell her that, ultimately, social services will be involved and that she will be made to go to school one way or the other.

Take the phone and tell her that if she doesn’t go to school she’ll be having a meeting with the school leaders. Do not give in. She’s trying to take the power from you - it’s your house and you’re the one that has to try and keep her safe and make her behave. If you fold, she’ll never do as she’s told again.

Teenagers. Urghhh. Hopefully she will blush in a few years time remembering that moment when she tried to blackmail her own mother. Meanwhile try to keep smiling...

Buy a cheap Nokia and give her that to take to school for emergencies. Don't give in now or you'll be in for years of negotiations. Tell her she doesn't have the maturity to possess a phone if she thinks she's in a position to make threats with it and she doesn't get it back till her behaviour improves.