Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

17 Year Old Has No Direction or Drive

3 replies

FrustratedFrieda · 26/09/2024 10:10

Please help Mums. I am a first time poster here because I really need some advice/support from fellow Mums on this one.

My 17 y/o Son left school after getting his Nat 5s in 4th Year. He came to me to say he wasn't enjoying school and really wanted to do an apprenticeship. I supported him because he had a plan. The apprenticeship was 1 year long and then he would go to college.

He has now completed the apprenticeship and is in College but he says he hates it. He hasn't attended for 2 weeks and he just lies in his bed until 1pm. He has a 20 hour a week job that he does in the evenings.

I cannot physically force him to go. I also don't believe that education is the be all and end all. So whilst I would prefer he stick in at college, I think his overall happiness is the most important thing and only he can know how to achieve that - it isn't for me to say. If that means leaving college, so be it.

But, I've made it clear that he can't leave college without a plan. Lying in bed all day isn't the route to happiness, no matter how much it might feel like it is when you are 17.

He just doesn't seem to have any interests other than lying in bed, learning to drive and going to football with his pals at the weekend. His lack of drive and motivation is driving me up the wall but I am trying to remain understanding and supportive.

I feel stuck. Has anybody else gone through something similar? What did you do and what was the outcome? Did you manage to inspire drive in your teen?

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 26/09/2024 10:14

Does he like his job? Could it be made full time?

FrustratedFrieda · 26/09/2024 13:24

Needmorelego · 26/09/2024 10:14

Does he like his job? Could it be made full time?

He does like his job and it's within the realm of what his apprenticeship was and what he is meant to be studying at college however, there isn't any scope for them to give him more hours so he likely won't be able to continue with it. If he leaves college he is going to need to have a full time income.

I am just worried he's giving up too soon. I come from a world where sometimes you have to do things you don't like and you just get the head down and get on with it and a lot of the things I didn't enjoy when I was younger were important to move me along to the next thing and create opportunities for me. But I'm not sure if encouraging him to do things he hates because 'that's the way it is' is toxic so I'm trying really hard not to put that on him and encourage him to do things that make him happy instead. But maybe there is a fine line between pushing and supporting them and I'm just a bit lost in what the right move is here.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 26/09/2024 13:35

I think some teens just get to a "no more studying" point.
If he could get a full time job then he might be perfectly happy with that (and going to football).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page