15yoDd watching porn

[BadMoonSinking]

I'm so sad. She said she was curious.
How can I tell her how it rots people's brains, it's not real life, it's not real at all?

Don't be sad or shocked, or say it rots your brain. I don't think it does! Use it as a conversation starter. There is nothing wrong about being curious about sex at 15. Identify and direct her towards more suitable, age appropriate resources. Talk to her about the ethics of porn and the ways it can cause harm. Give her all the information and support you can to help her develop her sexuality with positivity. Don't make her feel ashamed of watching porn.

But porn is awful! It's not representative of a loving relationship! It persuades girls that boys get to do what they like without caring what the girl wants! It's all trafficked young women.
Where do I find age appropriate information? I wouldn't know how to search for that.

There is ethical porn made. Director Erica Lust makes films with consenting actors and diverse body types and a focus on women's pleasure. Yes, certain types of porn are exploitative. Maybe let her know there's more ethical choices out there. I know it must have been a shock for you so I understand your reaction.

So explain those things to her. But she was looking at it because she is curious and maybe has questions. There is nothing wrong with that! In my day we used teenage magazines for info. I am not sure what exists now. But have a Google of sex advice for teenage girls and see what is out there. Or just ask her what she was curious about and go from there.

I dunno - maybe she should be ashamed of watching probably trafficked women having sex filmed for profit?

Not ALL porn is awful for a start, there is ethical porn and especially now with OF etc there are lots of empowered women creating their own content for themselves (we personally have 2 friends who do this)! Porn does not automatically = awful.

Again, not all porn is a representation of a loving relationship but equally not all porn persuades girls that boys can do whatever they want. There is LOTS of porn out there with focuses on female pleasure, female dominance even, etc, it’s not as clear cut as you think it is. Is it the best way to learn about a relationship and sex? No. But then porn isn’t intended for that purpose or for her age audience.

I would definitely advise looking online for age appropriate resources but the more you force on her that porn is wrong/evil the more she will want to engage with it, and making her feel ashamed about this is not at all going to help your relationship long term.

She's 15, should she be watching porn at all?? Ethical or otherwise? I can't see how it can be empowering at all?

Of course at 15 she shouldn’t be, but to be honest at 15 she’s more likely looking at it because her friends are and she doesn’t want to be the “odd one out” or as a joke than she is to be watching it to learn about healthy relationships. Parental controls on phone & wifi would prevent her being able to access these sites anyway.

Honestly, nothing you see on tv is really indicative of real life or real relationships. Porn is just part of that package really.
Her friends and peers will be watching this too, so this is actually an excellent opportunity for you to discuss boundaries and consent with her. And of course the dangers of sending anything lewd to others as it could end up online, and once it’s there it is never fully deleted.

My DS is 23 and has opened up to me that he got addicted to porn at around 13/14 and it ruined him for multiple years.

He only realised himself in 6th form. He hates the hours he wasted away obsessing on it.