18 yo going travelling in Australia and SE Asia soon - how to stay sane?

[WhatNoWay]

Hi all, my 18yo DD is going to Oz (Melbourne, Brisbane, possibly other places) and then SE Asia (up to 6 months overall) with a friend soon and I'm finding it very hard to accept that she'll go to the other side of the world and live there in some hostels and flatshares and will face the dangers of these new countries she's never been to, without us her parents being near. I am finding it really, really hard. It's not much time left before she goes (she got money for 18th bday [not from us] and booked her flight one way and got her visa) and all i can do is cry (without her or anyone knowing). I don't know how I'm going to carry on, I have awful images in my head and just can't begin seeing anything good about her going there. She's not a mature 18yo in my opinion, she is not good at looking after herself and she's timid and quiet and is quite homely. Her friend suggested it and she jumped on it. There's a half a promise of a waitressing job in Melbourne but nothing firm and no family or friends anywhere in that part of the world. I'm worried she'll be robbed or assaulted or conned in some way and I just can't find the strength in myself to stop thinking that and to be positive. Does anyone have any advice please, am feeling desperate, I feel like I should find a way of stopping her from going but can't. I've tried talking her out of it before she booked flight. Please don't laugh at me or judge, I genuinely have no idea how to carry on, I can't sleep, I feel helpless, I don't know how to explain to her that this is too early for her to do this kind of thing - she wants to experience life there but is an incredibly naive person.

No judgement from me, OP - I'd feel exactly the same in your shoes! I have a young/naive 17-year-old and I have dark middle-of-the-night worries about her going off to uni next year, so I'd be pertified if she wanted to go to Oz/SE Asia.

However...with my rational hat on, I know that this is a path trodden by thousands of British teens every year (and lots from Germany, France etc too), and the vast majority of them are absolutely fine. It's good that she's starting off in Australia, because it's reasonably safe, she speaks the language and it's fairly similar culturally. By the time she goes off to SE Asia, she'll be a lot more streetwise. And she's with her friend. Talk to her about safety when out and about, keeping an eye on drinks to make sure they aren't spiked, eating before she goes out drinking, looking out for friends, not travelling in a car being driven by somebody who has been drinking/taking drugs etc (all of which she'd need to be thinking about even if she was just heading to uni in the town up the road). She will have a fantastic time and come back full of confidence and much more streetwise and capable - all of which will stand her in good stead if she then goes to uni or moves out of home in the future. Good luck to your daughter!

Thanks a lot FlowersOfSulphur. It does make me feel slightly better knowing many young people have done that before, my DH keeps saying the same (she has his full support btw). It certainly would help to have some kind of 'roadmap' of potential pitfals/issues in those particular places she goes to - I know this is a worried parent's talk but being so far away where she might potentially end up in trouble just worries me sick. If you know of any parents forums/chats dedicated to teens in Oz please let me know. I've searched FB but found more general travel groups. Thanks again.

Hi OP, my kids are younger but I think I would feel exactly the same as you! BUT I went to Australia at 18, I was in many ways very naive and sheltered (private girls school etc) but it was truly the happiest days of my life. Nothing bad happened. This was pre mobile phones so I occasionally emailed from an Internet cafe or called with a phone card, my poor parents! Honestly try not to worry, I truly expect this will be an incredible experience and with mobiles you will get regular pics and updates! Hugs to you! I will be you in some years and I will freak out!! Xxx

Have they booked somewhere to stay in Melbourne if that's their first destination, there is a great expat community which they could find help with, are the ongoing flights all booked.

We all feel apprehensive when our offspring first do these things but thousands of them have done it before and it is vanishingly rare for them to come to grief.

The countries she is travelling to are not intrinsically dangerous.

Focus on supporting her confidence not filling her with fear.

They need accommodation booked for arrival in Melbourne.

Make sure she has proper comprehensive insurance. A secure money belt. They stick together, stay away from heavy drinking, never get persuaded to do anything they feel doubtful about, do their research into any advice or recommendations.

Honestly: she is 18, you, and she, will find out just how very capable she is!

Ask her to send a text a day, and keep the price of a flight handy, just in case.

Have a look at The Broke Backpacker guide to Melbourne site. Make sure they gave access to money, health insurance, visa if they need them, vaccinations, it's a worry but they will have a great time if they are sensible and plan in advance.

@MissMoneyFairy , yes, they've booked a hostel for the first week with a prospect of then finding a flat-share. No other flights are booked other than the first one our to Oz.

Thanks @herbygarden, sounds amazing. Did you just travel or did you work as well? Did you do SE Asia too?

@WhatNoWay me and a friend just travelled Australia, no working. It was truly amazing and I wish now I had got a visa and a job and stayed longer, but then I probably never would have come back!

I see 😁😁! Well thankfully it's only a student holiday visa which is a year-long so I do hope she'll come back 😄 (is it really so nice there?? I personally never understood why so many people are so drawn to Australia)

@WhatNoWay yes, for me Australia was magical. I cried so much on the flight coming home the air steward came to see if I was okay 😂 I think it's the combo of the freedom when you are young and then the place is just beautiful and so exciting! Sounds like your daughter will have the best year Xxx

I could have written your message 12 months ago, only for me it was my GD and she had just been let down by the friend she had planned to travel with.

Bravely she still went and she had a fabulous time.

In the time she was away she managed incredibly well. Sure there were little hiccups but the maturity she displayed in coping and finding solutions was something I could only have dreamt of at 18.

Reading your message @WhatNoWay a few things came to mind.

• I would really recommend booking the first hostel fot two weeks rather than one. It takes several days to get over the jet-lag and the shock of being so far from home and alone. My GD met some great people at the first hostel and would have liked to be there a little longer rather than immediately travel on. Unfortunately by the time she realised that the hostel was fully booked for the following weeks.
• Be aware that finding flat shares may not be as easy as she hopes. Really read up and have a few preferred hostels in mind if she needs to use that option for a while.
• Also be aware that when it comes to working, employers want some stability. It will be easier to find work if she is staying in one location for a while. Not so easy if moving on regularly.
• Check out Homestay / Housesit options where she can offer work in exchange for accommodation.
• Although it sounds crazy, think about Christmas once she has been there a week or two. She will be away from home and Christmas may enhance any homesickness. A lot of older travellers start to arrive in Australia in December and hostel space can fill up fast. If she is still going to be hostelling then try to book her a spot in a really nice Hostel a.s.a.p. She can always cancel if it is not needed
• Buy her one of the smaller front or backpacks that cannot be cut away to keep her valuables in whilst at the hostel or travelling. They are useful when fixed to the hostel cages, but also fixed to a solid item when on a bus, train, or at a restaurant etc.
• Get her to sign up to one of the tracker apps that will let you know where she is at any one time. Obviously I am not suggesting you track her every movement but I found it comforting knowing my GD was back at the expected location every night.
• Make sure she has more than one bank account and that at least one of them allows transfer straight into A$. I think a lot of travellers use Monzo. Two accounts are useful in case one of the banks put a stop on your Debit card, which has happened to me more than once when travelling. If your DD is prepared to give you her bank details it will allow you to send emergency money or just treat money if you sense her mood is a little low.

I hope your DD has a fabulous time and that you can relax into it once you see how amazingly well she copes. She will and you will be stunned by the very mature young lady that eventually returns home to you !!

My 18 year old son (birthday in July so just 18) travelled to Bangkok solo. He was there for a week on his own before he joined an organised tour for a fortnight which ended up in Singapore. He had the time of his life.
Nowadays it's so easy to arrange accommodation as there is an app for hostels and you can see recommendations on TikTok. We bought him an e SIM card so he was able to keep in touch. He honestly had an amazing time and he learnt so much.
My daughter at 19 travelled to Costa Rica, Peru and Argentina solo.
As a family we are quite adventurous and I love the fact that they're curious about different cultures/people.
Your daughter will have an amazing time.

Thank you, @Fredsleftthebed , for this detailed list of useful tips. I've taken it on board. It certainly helps to read stories of other teenagers having successfully done it. It calms me a bit.

Yes, mine is a July born as well, @follygirl . Which company did your son join the organised tour with, if you don't mind me asking? I want to encourage the girls to have something similar, to join an organised tour rather than just travel to SE Asia without any plan.

They used g adventures. They had great time

There are gap year safety courses run by several organisations OP. Would you feel better if she had done one of those? They go through scenarios they might face and teach them what to do and how to stay safe. If my DC was going on a gap year they would definitely doing one! Just Google 'gap year safety courses'.

Apart from that - what insurance does she have? You need to make sure she has a really good, specialist policy for gap year participants. Read the small print and go through it with her. Ensure that whatever activities she wants to do, or thinks she might do (diving, bungee jumping, skiing, etc) are covered. She mustn't do anything that isn't covered. And I would honestly get her to agree not to rent or ride pillion on a moped or motorbike. Many insurance policies don't cover it anyway, but it's just so dangerous and the H&S implications are not ones you want to be contemplating.

Thank you @cheezncrackers . I've found one - pricey but think it's worth it. It'll be online, from what I understand they don't talk about Oz as much, it's more about SE Asia, Central America, Africa. It's going to be a sobering experience to attend one at least I hope, as things just seem so easy to her atm. Thanks!

Ask her what her plan is if her phone gets stolen. Has she got the phone numbers for you, her insurance, and her bank somewhere else/memorised? Some cash? Printouts of tickets? Etc

Has she got a phone sim that works in Australia?
Insurance?

My daughter has just got back from Canada/America. She put photos of what she'd seen on the family WhatsApp so we knew she was alive. If we didn't hear for a few days I'd put photos of our pets on and she'd respond, so I'd know she was alright.

Also, CBD gummies. For you, not her 😊.

A friend's daughter did this, had an amazing time, met a lovely guy and is working out there now. She just made sure her daughter had emergency numbers for places that could help for common problems, good insurance and money in case any plans fell through.

She found it hard too, but she said when her daughter came back to visit she had grown and changed so much that she now believes it was a good thing for her at that point in her life. She misses her terribly but loves how happy her daughter is.

Ah, thanks @JellyBabiesSaveLives ! Yes to most of your q's... Yes, was planning to get her an e-sim for Oz, saw some online, just don't know which one is good! Will sort it out. Great about your daughter! Glad she had an amazing time. And a great tip about family pets on WA... our cat will get photographed a lot then. :)

And CBD gummies - ha ha - on it!!! Thanks so much. Better then going for ADs which is what I considered :)

Thank you all so much, you're all giving me hope!! Feeling a lot more positive about Oz now (weirdly it now even seems safer to me than the UK at times). Still wobbly about SE Asia though 😬

My DC did gap year travelling at 18 (as did I). They had a wonderful time and came home noticeably more mature.
I personally think it's a mistake to ask for a daily text, or to track them, as you will just worry if they are unable to text for some (perfectly reasonable) reason or if they are not where you expect them to be. I also think it is better for them not to feel they are in constant touch with home. Half the fun is being completely away from home and parents and having to sort problems out for yourself. And not having to worry that your mother is worrying about you all the time.
I think my parents must have worried about me as I was travelling in the 1970s when it was much more difficult to keep in touch and even phone calls home were a real faff to make and very expensive. Fortunately my parents never shared their concerns and survived on a diet of random postcards and very occasional phone calls. I did do some unwise things at times but I learnt quickly how to look after myself.
As a result I was quite relaxed when my DC went off. Obviously I did worry about them but, after talking to them about basic how to stay safe guidelines, I made sure not to burden them with my worries and let them get on with growing up.

If it helps, my DC and their friends have all returned home from their foreign adventures without any serious issues (or at least none that they felt the need to share). On the other hand I do know young people who have been injured or involved in serious incidents on a night out in the UK. It's tough being a parent at this stage of their lives but we do need to let go and let them grow up. And it's lovely to see the adults they become.