Teen fractured hand in anger

[ADHDTeen]

We’re currently going through a diagnosis of ADHD. Part of this is regulating emotion, or lack of and impulse control without thinking about consequences. Teen (13) was frustrated they were not allowed out to meet a new friend in an area we don’t know well. Slammed the bedroom door and punched the back of it. Calmed down after leaving alone, acknowledged bad behaviour and reaction and apologised. The next day, hand was hurting at school, noticed it was swollen and started to bruise. Called home. Picked up and taken to A&E. X-ray revealed fracture.

I feel horrified. I’m thinking about some sort of counselling, cognitive maybe. Also embarrassed to school it wasn’t noticed in the morning but there is no painful symptoms. They spoke openly about the cause. Just looking for any experience or advice on positive outcomes with techniques to manage if anyone has experienced similar?

My 42 yo DH with ADHD did the same last year.

We've had multiple broken doors. I don't know what to suggest tbh. He's had 10 years of therapy and tried all sorts of meds. Never laid a finger on me, but has never found a way to control ADHD spirals.

He only has meltdowns that bad about once a year, but it still happens. Very stressful, I sympathise with you.

Thanks for your reply and sorry you have had the same. He is remorseful and says has learnt his lesson but I worry if this becomes a thing. He never gets this mad at school, only at home if we press boundaries. I feel mortified to the school though, like we are bad parents.

Has he looked at strategies to try and self regulate or have you?

Things like running, meditation reducing screen time can all help with trying to regulate.

Hi, he’s very active with sport. That helps. I’m thinking about CBT and that strategies from that might help. Meditation, no. Hard to get engagement on that. This is what I’m here doe though. Any suggestions. I’m also looking at supplements, just as an aside but maybe they might be of help for concentration and general health. Omega is mentioned online.

You are getting lovely advice on the ADHD side of things (totally agree with getting lots of structured exercise did wonders for my DS1 who is ADHD/Dyspraxic) I just wanted to reassure you that in my line of work I come across many many teenage boys and young men who have done the same, not as many girls but some. Don't be embarrassed it's not unusual.

You could even get him into boxing, knowing how to hit to protect his hand bones might not be a bad idea, the most common type of fracture from doing what he did is called a 'boxers' fracture!

My brother did this as a teen, it was a one off. Never did it again, is a respectable middle aged teacher now. If it is adhd then once he gets diagnosed meds might help. Alternatively he may have learned a lesson. You're not bad parents.

Thanks so much. It’s been such a horrible worry but he is very aware of the consequences and gutted about missing out. He’s taking it all in his stride, quite proud if that and I think because it’s self inflicted he’s being self aware. I’ll look at boxing, also keeping him active. He said when he’s able he’s going to come back a better footballer than before. I’ll keep researching and trying different strategies. Appreciate all the input here, it’s very reassuring.

DS who is 13 does the same. He actually was getting better at controlling angry outbursts but now puberty and hormones have really kicked in it's got worse again. I'm hoping in 6 months or so that will settle and it will start being more manageable for him again. I'm not sure at this point there is very much therapy or treatment that will work and he is still much better than he was a few years ago so I'm not getting upset about a few holes in the wall. If you do find the magic answer please do let me know though!

It’s hard not to get unset but I get you. The hand is really bruising now, looks horrible but healing. I almost thing it had to get so bad for him to realise. He’s feeling rubbish he caused himself the injury.

My AUDHD son punched a wall and fractured his hand as a teen several years ago.

It was definitely a day before we took him to a&e (he’d not have coped with it that night anyway)

It was a fucking stupid thing to do and our sympathy was limited. He has a very high pain threshold and maintains that it didn’t hurt but he’s not done it since.

im a firm believer that our children grow up and will be criminally responsible so I make few excuses for making holes in walls.

Yes agree they will be responsible. Would like to think a lesson has been learnt but I am concerned about managing emotions. It’s been a rubbish week and I feel ill with it.

I wouldn’t take a teen who punches things to boxing classes! You need more, not less, mental barrier to punching being ok. He’s going to be an adult soon…

Access to other physical outlets is a great plan though.

Read the book 'Stolen Focus' (Johann Hari). It's an eye opener about ADHD.

Just orders the book thank you. Reviews were interesting. Ordered Omega 3. That is supposed to be good too. Just doing what I can to keep him healthy. He’s not sure about speaking to someone like a counsellor and I’m not pushing yet. It’s been a big week so I’ve just broached around it all. He’s very active so we’ve let him play football with friends and he’s being careful given his hand. It’s definitely getting to him so he’s suffered quite a bit as a consequence which hopefully will mean no repeat.

Ah hope you find it interesting! I'm just on the last chapter. It will give you lots of things to think about.