Stealing

[amidsthaprospectpast]

Hi, need advice.

My son is 15, and is ASD and is socially developmentally delayed.

He is struggling at school and was suicidal some months back. His doctor put him on antidepressants.

Recently he has been taking my jewellery and putting it in his room as his latest obsession (ASD trait) is gold things. I have spoke to him about it and he said he wouldn’t do it again. Then when I was putting washing away I found his box that he keeps treasures in and again some of my jewellery. But worse still there was some I didn’t recognise. He confessed that he took it from two family members houses. he doesn’t know why he took it. He said it was stupid and he doesn’t understand why he did it.

Im completely lost as to what to do. He wants to just return it discreetly next time we go there. If I tell them he took it, it will tear the family apart. They will stop speaking to us I am certain. He doesn’t have any friends, only his cousins. It will not be a case of he apologises and returns it and is forgiven. We would be cut off completely from the entire family for good. He doesn’t understand how big a deal it is. Being that he is already dealing with suicidal thoughts I am worried losing our entire family would tip him over the edge.

i am going to speak to his psychologist about what to do. I don’t know if it’s the medication maybe. He couldn’t explain it. He apologised over and over to me and said he was so sorry that he upset me so much and won’t ever do it again.

i just don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep worrying about it and feeling so awful.

Anyone?

Don't tell your family. It will make things ten times worse. Let him put it back discreetly. The last thing you need is family drama whilst trying to navigate his needs. He may be doing it for attention or it's one thing he has control over. I have no idea. Speaking to his psychologist is the right thing to do. Check online if there are any support groups for parents whose children steal. It's probably just a phase and he'll grow out of it. Sorry it's another thing for you to worry about. X

Thanks for the advice. I feel so torn about the whole thing. One family member we see all the time and they are abit prone to losing / misplacing things so returning it discreetly will be ok I think. The other family member we see more infrequently and rarely at their house. I would need to make an excuse to go there - which just makes me feel sick. I also feel so guilty - what if they are stressed about losing them. They are expensive, sentimental items. It’s also possible they haven’t noticed them missing too. There is just no way to know.

we have an appointment with his psychologist this week. I’m also going to email his paediatrician and ask about the medication, I have seen something online about it causing this, but then other forums say it’s a treatment for stealing so I don’t know.

I haven’t told my dh either as I don’t know how he will react. Or my mother. I just feel I have no one I can talk to, to ask what to do.

I think it will be the medication. Would your family not understand that ?

I work with teenagers and have a DC with ASD. I would file this under adolescent risk taking, boundary pushing etc. As long as you have explained it (and perhaps said next time he will have to take it back and apologise himself) then I would draw a line under it. Young people have to find out what is and isn't acceptable and thankfully in your case you DS can do so within the safe confines of a loving family

There must be more to this OP. If I explained to my family that my son who has ASD and is developmentally delayed, was going through a phase of stealing stuff, they wouldn't cut us off. Obviously I'd return their stuff with an apology and ask them to keep an eye on their things while I was dealing with it.

I would contact the Autism Society for further help.

Is it fluoxetine he's on ? I had that prescribed when I was younger, and it made me really impulsive, like just spending all my money at the start of the month

I am autistic and if I did this (i don't), it would be because of the pleasure and stim of my gold collection.
Perhaps the medication has lessened his impulse control and that is worth talking to his psychiatrist about.
But, as gold is his current fascination/special interest, I would be finding ways in which he can collect it safely, without taking it from others. Can you take him to a junk shop regularly to buy some for his collection? Does it have to be real gold or will just gold coloured do? Is it the shine he likes? I would explore it with him safely.

Yeah he can find gold in old broken computers I believe

What happens if he gets caught putting them back? Or if the family members have reported to the police their gold is stolen?

Is he sneaking into bedrooms to do this? This is a HUGE invasion of privacy.

@AceofPentacles thanks I really hope so. It does worry me though that it was me being upset that worried him - I don’t know how much insight he has into how the others would feel.

@poppyzbrite4 they wouldn’t want to be around him I am certain. They wouldn’t invite us over again. One family member already doesn’t really like him and has been abit mean to him.

@Fimbledore thanks that’s really great inside. We have been going to garage sales and stuff but it’s real gold that he likes - he has bought fake gold and then looked into how to test it. Also been going gold panning.

@mycatsbestfriend yes it’s fluoxetine. That’s interesting that you had that response. I have read some reports in medical journals but then some say it’s used as a treatment for kleptomania. He said when he was apologising to me that maybe it’s the medication. I will also look into old computers I don’t think he’s thought of that.

@chickenbhunalambbhunaprawnbhunamuchroomrice no he didn’t sneak in to rooms. He found then I believe in the bathroom. It wasn’t a case of looking for anything I don’t think. It was just impulsive cause they were there when he used the bathroom.