Son’s puberty anxiety

[Mrsmagpie74]

Following on from my earlier post this evening regarding my 13 year old son having trouble getting to sleep… I looked at his google history and he has googled ‘what causes not being able to ejaculate’ and ‘what is being circumcised’ 😳 I’ve no idea how to talk to him about this! I’m a single mum and he has 3 sisters… what is he worried about? Is there something physically wrong? My anxiety is through the roof with all this 😢

It is nothing you should be afraid to discuss with your son. Stick to the facts and answer any questions honestly. If you are unsure of something he asks, just say so and ask a male relative or health worker.

Avoiding discussing puberty could give him more concerns as to what is normal maturing. I am willing to bet most boys and girls went through the stage of thinking they aren't normal. Reality is we all are 'normal' in our own way.

As for when boys start producing sperm is normally around early teens. But obviously every boy is different. At 13 it is highly likely he will have a nocturnal disacharge in the near future. Without being crude, you could watch out for evidence of that if you wish to know.

Circumcision as you know is not a normal thing among UK males. It is normally only done for medical reasons unless there is a religious aspect.

sounds like he is researching things he has heard about at school, i don’t think it’s anything to worry about?

I wouldn't worry. He's googling play ground talk I suspect. Just make sure he's got books on puberty etc

I'm hoping we are now past the stage of making sexuality and puberty a taboo embarassing subject. We really should be encouraging our youngsters to be able to approach adults with questions about what changes their body goes through. Even more so when us adults can tell them that some sexual activities come with different risks to your health.

Try to talk to him. He could have phimosis.

It is the prevalence of porn that makes it all the more important to educate. In generations past, our only visual stimulation was if some lad stole his dad's dirty magazine or if we were very lucky, one of the dad's blue movies did the rounds. These for the most part contained pretty vanilla sex. Go on to any of the adult sites now and you could find porn covering the majority of (legal) subjects. At 13 they really should be steered that while that is OK in consenting adults. It really isn't what young boys and girls should be considering.

If you bring this up and he realises you have been looking at his search history he will die of embarrassment and then probably never trust you not to invade his privacy again. He hasn't been googling porn FFS, as earlier poster suggests. He's obviously looking up things that he wants more understanding of, if he does have a problem I think you may have to wait for him to bring it up with you. Though I'd say it's more likely he just wants to know what these things mean.

That’s the thing he has been getting upset about puberty recently and saying he’s worried he’s not the same as his friends so clearly it is something troubling him. I’m beginning to think maybe he has a tight foreskin or something like that and he’s worried about it. I’m just going to try and continue the half conversation we’ve had before about it. It breaks my heart he can’t just ask me.

Gently, OP, you said you didn't know how to talk to him about it so your anxiety and uncertainty about the subject will be impacting on his willingness to talk to you. These conversations need to be normalized, preferably from a younger age. When I was growing up, there were series of wonderful books which explained all of these in age-appropriate terms and my mum used to read or to me. I think, the first book in the series was for ages 4-7 and went through the basics of human anatomy, relationships and how the body changes in puberty. Of course, there was also a customary section about dogs, birds and bees 😂
It definitely helped me great deal. When I had my first period at 10, I knew exactly what was happening and how to deal with it and happy to approach either of my parents for help because these conversations were normalized.
I noticed that people are uncomfortable with these conversations with children and often wait for the school to step in with the sex ed. Honestly, I think it's too late by that point.

This was my first thought too

Maybe he had a wet dream and he's worried something is wrong??? Mum to two sons here. I found being there if he wants to talk and asking any questions honestly is the best way. Please reassure him its normal for it to happen x my youngest one thought something was wrong the first time it happened to him

Get him a book to read.

Talk to him about hormones arriving in stages over several years

Make sure he knows him and friends will mature
on in these hormones at different rates reaching the same point in late teens

Tell him that teenagers might boast about sexual accomplishments but that it is not a race (and likely exaggeration)

Make sure he knows how to recognise unsafe people/ encounters and how
to tell you about anything concerning

Make sure he knows that males and females can speak with their parent or doctor if something physical and private is worrying. Things can get sore and it is not embarrassing to say something is sore or worrying as everyone has to do this at some point.

Make sure he understands consent

Impart this info/have these conversations in the car 😉

It definitely sounds like phimosis.

Does he have any male relatives he's close to?