DS17 - been out of education for 3 years - unsupported SEND - pointless EHCP - a horrendous experience in school for him over many years. I would say he was emotionally abused and isolated by multiple teachers.
DS15 - has PTSD from 2 consecutive, sudden and shocking events / bereavement. School said they couldn't support him, and started marking absences as "unauthorised" after 4 weeks of a part-time timetable (the timetable was recommended by our GP). He only actually missed 2 full days of school. They also started piling on detentions, isolations...etc, for minor uniform infringements at the same time, and it just wasn't helping him recover. He is now home educated because we had no other option - there are no other schools in our area.
So, shit has happened, and its not their fault. Which is why I have been endlessly patient with them.
But my days consist of them telling me how bored they are, and how pointless their lives are. They can get aggressive and rude when they are really low. They also fall out with each other. I tirelessly give them opportunities, ideas, we chat, we travel, they do have some interests, we live in a nice house, I don't nag them. They do chores, they are good kids. I've read a lot on home education and I am happy for them to follow their interests and I'll support them completely.
But ... school is a "no", college is a "no", working is a "no", they have both pissed off some friends, and their lives are indeed quite dull. When I give them other opportunities and ideas (including therapy) it is always a "no". I have also said I'm not their personal entertainer - they have to start do things for themselves, but it just comes back to them stomping around saying stuff like "I'm SO bored and my life is so pointless, I might as well kill myself". DS15 has started spending a lot of time in town with other kids who are not in school (more common than you'd think) and that's a worry too.
I had a very straightforward upbringing and a successful education to masters-level, which I think makes it even harder for me to get my head around all this. I am very much a do-er, and I believe we have the power to create our own futures (given that life does throw stuff at you whatever you do!).
In the background, DH (of 25yrs) is hugely disrespectful and lazy and talks to me like shit. Its like its a habit, he just doesn't think or care. He isn't involved in the home-ed side of things. I don't know how much more I can take from ALL of them TBH. Parenting wasn't supposed to be like this. I have always done my absolute best for my family but now I just feel like a first-class doormat and money-machine, and I'm kicking myself for letting it happen. Did I let it happen?
How can I tell them ALL to buck up and take responsibility for their own lives? Without me being unkind or mad/crazy at them?
Sorry for long post, I just feel very alone, yet I fantasise often about leaving them all to it and taking off on my own in a camper van!