Teenager walking friend home

remotecontrolowls · 2024-09-12T18:37:04+00:00

I don't know how unreasonable I'm being about this. My DS is 15, and he has a group of mates who all live nearby. They spend a lot of time at the house next door as he has a large house and plenty of space for them all to hang out. Because he's only next door, he doesn't have a very strict curfew over the weekends and holidays, although I'm trying to rein him in a bit. He argued that as he was only next door, it wasn't really any different to being at home, so he wasn't going to come to any harm staying up late etc. The thing is, there are also a few friends (girls) who live nearby, and he walks them home. Whilst I think it's lovely that he wants to get his friends home safely, I'm not happy about this as this means he is wondering around the streets in the early hours, not just nipping back from next door. I've said he has to start coming home earlier. So my questions are - what time is your 15 allowed out at the weekends? - AIBU for not wanting him to walk the girls home - AIBU for expecting their parents to make sure they get home safely not my DS. - I'd be horrified if anything happened to them, but it's also my responsibility to keep him safe. Something feels off here, or am I massively overreacting?

LaughingPig · 13/09/2024 16:41

I think YABU tbh. You say that it’s lovely that he wants to get his friends home safely, but then want to stop him doing that, which doesn’t make much sense.

There are far worse things he could be doing at 15 than hanging out in a friend’s house, so I would back off a bit.

helmettask · 13/09/2024 16:45

When you say early hours do you mean after midnight? If so then yes that seems late. Does his mate who lives next door also walk them home as it wouldn’t be so bad if they were coming back together.
My 15 year old has to be back by 11 at weekends and she’s not allowed to walk by herself after 9

Original poster

remotecontrolowls · 13/09/2024 19:25

Yes it's often 2am, which I think is too late to be out and about.

I'm happy for him to walk her home before midnight.

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Original poster

remotecontrolowls · 13/09/2024 19:26

LaughingPig · 13/09/2024 16:41

I think YABU tbh. You say that it’s lovely that he wants to get his friends home safely, but then want to stop him doing that, which doesn’t make much sense.

There are far worse things he could be doing at 15 than hanging out in a friend’s house, so I would back off a bit.

They are good kids and not doing any harm at each other's houses. I have no issue with that bit.

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helmettask · 13/09/2024 19:29

Yeah I think 2am is too late full stop for anything other than an occasional party. Especially in term time-they’ll be knackered!

OnAndOnAndonAgain · 13/09/2024 19:31

I wouldn't want mine walking them home at that time if he's then walking back on his own

LostittoBostik · 13/09/2024 19:32

2am is ridiculously late for a mid teen.

What's going on with the parents next door? Why are they allowing gatherings post midnight weekend after weekend?

Original poster

remotecontrolowls · 13/09/2024 19:34

I'm hoping it will all be knocked on the head now term has started.

But just want to be reassured I'm not being unreasonable that midnight is a respectable time.

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Rory17384949 · 13/09/2024 19:35

I think 2am is way too late for a 15 year old to be out full stop.
My teen DD stays up that late at sleepovers sometimes but that's different from being out walking alone.
I would be saying home by midnight at the weekends but no walking friends home after 10pm - you're right it's up to the girls parents to be making sure they're safe

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 13/09/2024 19:42

I agree with @Rory17384949. Home by midnight on friday/saturday nights. No wandering around/walking people home after 10pm. And home by 9pm on week nights. Even midnight is later than I was allowed out at that age (I was always home by 11pm)

Synchronisedwitches · 13/09/2024 19:43

I think YABU as if it's OK for him to walk home at 2am then it's OK for him to walk these girls home to nearby houses. I don't really see the difference.
If you were fine with it before I think you should he fine with it now if we are just talking houses in the same town under 30 mins away.
Tbh there's not much difference in him walking 30 mins at 11pm or 2am.
In fact on some nights it's earlier you would be worried about in a town. Pubs kick out at around 11. That's when anyone walking alone is most likely to encounter issues.
If you think he's a sensible lad and you were initially OK with him being at his friends house until 2am I don't see why you would change your mind about that now just due to him walking someone else home.

Altho personally I wouldn't have been OK with my own kids out till 2am wherever they were. I think I'd either want them home before 10. Staying overnight and walking back in the morning. Or if it were after 10 I'd be picking them up but obviously only for the occasional party as I'm not doing that regularly.

That being said when I was 15 I used to spend all night wandering down the cycle tracks on the outskirts of the city where I lived drinking warm cider..
From this experience I'd personally say that 2am is actually a safer time to be wondering about than earlier on.
The only violence I've encountered in my life from random strangers has been when I've been walking home from work at 11lm as an adult through the city centre.
It's drunks at chuck out time or people trying to mug drunk people.
Often we worry about murderers and rapists lurking in park bushes in the dead of the night.. but that's actually so rare.
The reality is that it's crowded areas at pub kick out time that are the most dangerous. And statistically you have more to fear from your own peer group than you do from complete strangers

Original poster

remotecontrolowls · 13/09/2024 19:51

Synchronisedwitches · 13/09/2024 19:43

I think YABU as if it's OK for him to walk home at 2am then it's OK for him to walk these girls home to nearby houses. I don't really see the difference.
If you were fine with it before I think you should he fine with it now if we are just talking houses in the same town under 30 mins away.
Tbh there's not much difference in him walking 30 mins at 11pm or 2am.
In fact on some nights it's earlier you would be worried about in a town. Pubs kick out at around 11. That's when anyone walking alone is most likely to encounter issues.
If you think he's a sensible lad and you were initially OK with him being at his friends house until 2am I don't see why you would change your mind about that now just due to him walking someone else home.

Altho personally I wouldn't have been OK with my own kids out till 2am wherever they were. I think I'd either want them home before 10. Staying overnight and walking back in the morning. Or if it were after 10 I'd be picking them up but obviously only for the occasional party as I'm not doing that regularly.

That being said when I was 15 I used to spend all night wandering down the cycle tracks on the outskirts of the city where I lived drinking warm cider..
From this experience I'd personally say that 2am is actually a safer time to be wondering about than earlier on.
The only violence I've encountered in my life from random strangers has been when I've been walking home from work at 11lm as an adult through the city centre.
It's drunks at chuck out time or people trying to mug drunk people.
Often we worry about murderers and rapists lurking in park bushes in the dead of the night.. but that's actually so rare.
The reality is that it's crowded areas at pub kick out time that are the most dangerous. And statistically you have more to fear from your own peer group than you do from complete strangers

It's different because his friend lives next door. It takes 20 seconds to get from his house to ours. He doesn't even have to touch the pavement.

The friends he is walking home live further away.

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