Daughter 17 wants to quit college

[Annonmum1974]

Just looking for some guidance and advice please. My usually happy bright 17 year old daughter has just started her second year at college - she did brilliantly in her GCSES without pressure from us she was completely motivated and then got into our college to study. Her choices for alevel are hard and I did try to persuade her to go for it but perhaps consider an easier one alongside the other 2. By December last year she was a different child - we knew that she was hating it so spoke to college as her attendance was poor and she also fell into a bad crowd so drugs became involved. Her reasoning for this was because it helped her cope. Mentally nothing has helped - college have been accommodating allowing her to switch a subject but everyday is a fight to get her in. She is upset and I feel beating herself up for making the wrong a level choices and now feels she’s not good enough and has let herself down - the ketamine and weed is still an issue but we are receiving support for that for her individually and as a family but her headspace isn’t coping with college - she has an amazing bunch of good friends and there are definitely no issues with that it’s just the couple of bad new friends and the academic side causing issues . I want her to be happy but scared if she drops out especially in such a poor frame of mind and perhaps not making sensible choices she’ll later blame me for not making her stick with it - my question is has anyone else’s child left and if so what did they do? She’s 18 in a couple of months but absolutely lost and I hate to see her wasting her potential so would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has been in a similar situation

Wow helpful comment - of course I’m worried we are all in therapy for help with this - didn’t realise I’d get flamed so quickly!!! The support have said she should try to have goals whilst she works through the issues she has as I’ve explained above!

Restart elsewhere y12 on a different course?

Does your girl have a suggestion as to what she will do if she quits? Could she apply for an apprenticeship as she is not into full time study? You definitely don't want her leaving with nothing planned as that could end up with her hanging out all day with other neets and not help with the drug issue.

Sounds tough all round. What would be her ideal route after a levels? Does she have a goal? That might help her keep going. She might not need super high grades. I’d be ringing round other colleges / schools to see if she can move and make that happen whatever the location.

Does she want uni? A particular career? Weed and ket is commonplace amongst youngsters, sounds like you're doing the right thing getting in early with disuading her for using it as a crutch.

Can she get a job until next September and restart again

I think personally you're looking at the problem the wrong way round, its rarely college that causes young people to seek out drugs to 'cope'. They get involved with people that feel its fun, so join in and then everything else crashes around them because thats what drugs do.

Thank you all so far … literally I am so proud of her for being open and honest with us and allowing us to get her help - she desperately wants to change. To reiterate if leaving college helps her then of course I back that 100% but wondered what other kids may have done who had made similar decisions

I would let her leave college if she wants to. Perhaps look at a level 3 apprenticehip instead. If she decides later in life, she wants to go to uni, there will be access courses or something. It's not that she's not capable of A lvls but it sounds like she is suffering from academia burnout. Maybe a different way of learning will suit her better.

Moving college away from the drug friends might help break the pattern?

I don't think it's too late to start Y12 on another course, not Alevels. I'd want her to be at a different college if she was in with the wrong crowd. If you're struggling to get her in now she's not going to leave with great exam results anyway, however bright she is.

Is there anything she'd actually like to do op? Maybe she'd enjoy something vocational rather than academic? Does she have any ideas?

Is she on course to get her A level grades? If not dropping out might be better to focus on her mh and addiction but getting back in next year may prove tricky funding-wise,

My nephew repeated Y12 when he didn't get on with the course he was on. It's certainly possible.

A levels are incredibly difficult. My DD has had her issues with them but is staying the course. It's a huge jump from GCSEs.

Honestly OP I think you let her or even encourage her to step away from college for now. A Levels are hard, they take a huge amount of effort and work, they cause a lot of stress. The more pressing problem is the drugs and taking a step back from what sounds like her biggest current stressor (A Levels) will give her time to focus on her recovery without that constant stress holding her back. Once she has put that behind her she will be in a much better position to go back and restart study. Good luck x

Maybe she could look at apprenticeships college isn't for everyone. What does she like doing/what job does she think she might like ?

Been there, drug addiction eventually ramped up became huge issue alcohol to , so pleased to hear you are getting some help
my DD is now 21 and drug free , has at last got a great job etc
I so feel your pain , at times I thought I would fall completely off the edge myself though the same stuff
It’s really hard to support your kids through their stuff. You can’t tell them what to do because at that age they push back against it my stance was mouth shut door open my DD knew she was screwing up she was ashamed but for her. The root of her going completely off the rails was anxiety and the result of a breakdown in the family plus Covid all just too much..
mine bailed on uni , honestly just to much pressure to young ,
stay strong,

Definitely look at an apprenticeship. With the right employer she can do really well.

My DD like yours did well at her GCSE's .... was one of the top in her year. Went to college and absolutely hated it. She was so unhappy that her attendance dropped to 30%. I said that I would support her if she wanted to leave but she had to get an apprenticeship as I wasn't having her sitting at home all day doing nothing. That girl of mine walked out of college and straight into an apprenticeship. She's now been doing her job properly for 7 years and is well known and respected in her field (she's a tattooist). Was honestly the best thing for her to do. College just doesn't suit even the most academic of kids. I'm sure your DD will find her way no matter what she decides to do and she's lucky she has a mum like you who will support her 💐💐

My Dc dropped out in year 12 and restarted again on a BTEC. We had a quiet 2 years and they are now at a great uni

My dad hated college and left after her first year, my condition was she found herself an apprenticeship or trainee position first which she did, and it's the best thing she could have done. Uni isn't for everyone so if that's not on the cards getting ahead start on the job market is probably better than one more year of dragging herself and you through college. My dad was sleeping all day, or hanging out with a similar crowd to what it sounds yours is. Now she's up early even on off days and isn't hanging with that crowd, even her room os tidier, ad the added benefit that she's earning money so we were happy with the decision (so far so good anyway). Good luck OP!

Meant to say DD not dad 🤦‍♀️