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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Encouraging DD to smarten up a bit

4 replies

Thingamebobwotsit · 05/09/2024 18:08

Advice needed. I have always really admired my DDs independence and she has generally had quite a quirky sense of style which I have encouraged. However we have hit puberty and her "don't care" tom boy attitude has now shifted into "don't give a monkeys" about how she is dressing/looking on a daily basis. Managing her personal hygiene has gone downhill and frequently she goes out of the house looks like she is living out of a shopping trolley on the street (I jest, it is not quite that bad yet).

She is 13 and the personal hygiene bit is improving, but she still refuses to tidy herself up a bit more generally. I am not talking about asking a lot here, but caring about whether your shoes are clean or caked in mud when going to someone's house, or wearing a clean hoodie as opposed to one with tomato ketchup down the front, or making sure she has rinsed her face properly after using soap so she hasn't got marks on her face.

Anyway, as she is getting older we now have the combined issue of her caring even less and her school "mates" commenting, and consequently she has come home this week and complained as she can't understand it.

Any top tips on how to handle this? Do I let her work it out for herself or do I need to gently encourage more? I have been quite hands off as I get a lot of pushback from, and I am aware some of this is a body confidence thing as puberty settles, but I don't know where to begin as I wasn't like it and neither was my DH!

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Tulip8 · 05/09/2024 18:11

I would delve in to why she doesn't care.... I have a 14 year old daughter and this is something I would be worried about. Maybe her mental health is fragile?

sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/09/2024 23:48

I was that person for a while.

I'd be worried about her mental health - in my case it was a mixture of anxiety, depression and undiagnosed autism (and associated sensory issues around showers and clothes).

StressedQueen · 05/09/2024 23:51

I agree that I would be really worried about why she does not care. Most people, even if they are more of a tomboy type, are still clean and hygienic. Going to someone's house with stained clothes and not washing your face could mean something deeper.

How often is she showering?? And does she wash her hands and comb her hairi regularly?

Thingamebobwotsit · 06/09/2024 13:39

So I don't think it is an MH issue but I will check / keep an eye on it. Not aware of any sensory issues but will monitor this too to see if there is a pattern.

We had a chat about it last night as it came up naturally in conversation. Turns out she honestly didn't see what the big fuss was as it didn't matter when she was at primary school. Which led to a long conversation about growing up and needing to look after ourselves a bit more, and higher expectations at secondary school around being presentable and smart.

It's not like we haven't had similar conversations in the past but the penny seemed to drop a bit more last night and she upped her game this morning so let's see if it continues.

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