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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How did you persuade your teen to accept mental health support?

5 replies

Trumpetoftheswan2 · 28/08/2024 08:35

Long story short, 17 year old DD has some sort of PTSD/anxiety stemming from traumatic bullying and moving schools when she was 14.

I can see how much it affects her around friendships, new people, transitions and so on. It seems to be affecting her more over time - it's almost like a part of her stopped developing when she was 14 and she is no more independent now than she was then iyswim.

I really think that she needs some psychological/therapeutic intervention eg CBT or eye movement therapy to reduce the impact of her experiences on her current life. Every time I approach the issue, she shuts it down straight away.

I can understand that the bullying/being forced out of her old school was incredibly distressing and that she doesn't want to think/talk about it.

I can also see how much effect not addressing it has on her and that Y 13 and leaving school is going to be immensely difficult for her to navigate.

Any advice for persuading an older teen to even consider psychological intervention/counselling?

OP posts:
Anisty · 29/08/2024 01:04

I haven't I'm afraid but can empathise as my DD (16 about to turn 17) was fast tracked to CAMHS after taking an overdose last year. She refused to engage with the service at all (which i have to say was poor with only 3 appts given; others cancelled by CAMHS at the last minute (that really annoyed her and me too as we'd literally be en route to appt and then get a text cancelling)

All stress in dds case stemmed from school. Luckily she was able to leave in May this year and she has largely returned to normal.

I think my dd might be autistic spectrum (it is in our family) and i am going to get a private asst (which she has agreed to)

I think last year she had autistic burnout but it was very frightening as, in the weeks after the OD, she was staring ahead and there was no light in her eyes at all. I thought she was in a catatonic state at one point.

Has your DD got plans for the future and is she happy with them?

Could she come out of education just now and out of the pressure? This is what helped my dd.

She really thought she had to go to uni! This did not come from me or her dad. Schools apply so much pressure these days onto brighter kids.

I think our teens shut down when the stress is too much and haven't got the maturity to try to engage with therapy. To engage with therapy, i think (and i'm no expert on this) that you need to be able to confront your own behaviours and thoughts - and that can be painful and difficult.

And it takes maturity to be able to look at yourself and talk about yourself.

So - as you say she acts younger, maybe the way forward is just to reduce pressure, give space and try to connect and spend time in a very non confrontational way.

One thing we did with dd was take her to a climbing centre. Just as a one off. I had read that when you do something like that, all your mind can focus on is the climbing so it is a break from worries just for an hour or so. She loved that!

Walking the dogs in the countryside.

Going to a cafe

Maybe go out on a boating lake or something. Dont talk about school or anything. Just enjoy being together.

Do easy stuff though. I thought baking together would be enjoyable for my dd but it was stressful as she was in such poor mental health, she could not succeed at it. It was just too overwhelming a task for her.

Hope my post helps in some way - even to know you're not alone

TeenToTwenties · 29/08/2024 01:24

I wanted one of mine (young adult) to get counselling for issue A but for various reasons didn't think I could suggest it.

I did think she might be receptive to issue B so suggested that instead and she agreed. I found someone who had expertise in A and over time counselling did move into A (which I think is underlying issue). If that makes sense?

Grabyourpassportandmyhand · 29/08/2024 01:27

TeenToTwenties · 29/08/2024 01:24

I wanted one of mine (young adult) to get counselling for issue A but for various reasons didn't think I could suggest it.

I did think she might be receptive to issue B so suggested that instead and she agreed. I found someone who had expertise in A and over time counselling did move into A (which I think is underlying issue). If that makes sense?

That is excellent. Thank you. My DC isn't receptive to counselling but I think that I will try this route.

Trumpetoftheswan2 · 29/08/2024 09:47

Thanks. Yes, it does make sense. DD just shuts down all discussion whatever the issue.

I know that I need to leave her to work things out for herself and make her own decisions, but it's hard. I had serious mental health problems at that age and although I've had a lot of therapy, still find it very hard to keep this separate.

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