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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Never finishes

11 replies

Sossidge8 · 27/08/2024 02:10

My 14yr old daughter starts club's, actives etc and always gives up. She never completes anything. The amount of money it has cost me on uniforms, equipment, sign up fees etc is mad. She wants to give up the latest one again, doesn't give me a reason just says she doesn't want to go back. I don't want to force her to stay but I also want her to actually finish something for a change!. She's very quiet, doesn't have many friends. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/08/2024 07:22

Let her leave, but then stop wasting your money. If she wants to join something else the money comes out of her pocket.

llamajohn · 27/08/2024 07:24

Well, stop paying for her then.
If she wants to join the next club, let her pay for it 🤷‍♀️

Littletreefrog · 27/08/2024 07:28

Don't sign her up for anything else. She's 14 if she wants to do something else she sorts it out, goes on the bus and pays for it herself.

Tootjaskoot · 27/08/2024 07:32

Sounds like she needs some support to be able to stay in the clubs - it could be that when she says she wants to leave she really means that she is anxious about some aspect of it and doesn’t know how to overcome it herself. The positive is that she wants to join these activities - are there issues with confidence? Or for example getting to and from / being dropped off? Are others in the groups at a higher level etc? I would try and gently get to the bottom of the reasons with her, and put some support in place for her, try to mitigate whatever is making her anxious. As regards the equipment and clothing etc, buy stuff second hand or borrow until she’s sure about it. I’m guessing most clubs have stuff to lend out maybe? If ours say they want to do drop an activity we usually say that they need to stick an activity out for the rest of the term and then they can stop if they still want to. Most times they choose to carry on. But if something is clearly making them really miserable, then there’s little benefit in forcing them to carry on. Could you sell equipment etc she’s no longer using?

Lincoln24 · 27/08/2024 07:35

What do you think she's looking for in joining these clubs - friends, belonging, something she feels she's talented at? If she's quiet and doesn't have many friends I wonder if she's lacking confidence and when she finds she's not particularly good at something she just gives up quickly. What do you think she's good at, could you guide her to something you think she could enjoy and stick at longer?

Catopia · 27/08/2024 07:39

The old adage is you can quit, but only on a good day. It's not ok to quit because of a bad week or couple of weeks or because it's not going well. Need to get to the the root cause - is she really not enjoying it or is it low confidence, is it impatience (progress in any hobby takes time and consistency to improve after initial fast improvements when first start something), is it the people (and if it's the people, would continuing the hobby in a different group help?).

NowImNotDoingIt · 27/08/2024 08:28

How long after does she quit?

DD was a bit of a "quitter ". The catalyst usually was the coach noticing she's actually good and pushing for more , like actually joining a club, going for a belt grade, trying a competition or show etc. The deal always you do not have to do any of these things (but the shine was gone ,plus she was embarrassed she /we said no) and try to finish up whatever it was paid for. Normally everything was booked/paid for half termly so it only meant a few more sessions. Never really invested in any uniforms or proper equipment, except for football boots.

Lindy2 · 27/08/2024 08:40

Does a 14 year old need to be doing clubs?

I think at that age some will still be doing some structured activities (mine do) but plenty don't.

She's old enough to be doing other socialising and organising her own leisure activities. I'm assuming if she's in England she's going into year 10 so will probably soon have a bit more GCSE work.

I'd step back from structured clubs that need upfront payment and uniforms. Perhaps if she still wants to try something like a more relaxed youth club would be less of a long term commitment.

Drippycandle · 27/08/2024 08:55

Honestly to some extent I would praise this attitude. There are lots of mums of teens pulling their hair out because their kids won’t give anything a go, and the teen years are years of experimentation anyway.
You say she’s short of friends so perhaps she’s trying to ‘find her tribe’ and the only way she’ll do this is by casting her net far and wide. The worst case scenario is that she doesn’t want to try anything new.
i release how frustrating (and expensive) this is as a parent, but if she’s quite quiet it must take some confidence to constantly put herself out there in groups where she’s meeting new people.
In a year or so she’ll probably have a part time job and a heavy gcse workload so this will naturally diminish in any case.
If she has no staying power yet, perhaps steer her towards short workshops or ‘drop in’ classes, things that don’t require such a commitment.

Original poster
Sossidge8 · 27/08/2024 10:31

Thank you for reading and replying. I agree. I am going to sit with her tonight and have a good chat about it and her feelings etc. Thank you again x

OP posts:
Original poster
Sossidge8 · 27/08/2024 10:32

Thanks for replying. You're very right, GCSEs soon and I think she just wants to find her place. Going to have a sit down after work and chat about it x

OP posts:
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