Hi, I have a 14yo daughter who has gradually become very selfish, only doing what she wants, when she wants. I've always worked hard professionally and at home, as I wanted to show her the value of putting in an effort from an early age. Now she's older I ask her to keep a tidy room, and help out with a couple of small chores. She feels she should be paid for anything she does around the house that doesn't directly benefit her.
I'm aware this is normal behaviour and I expect to be challenged from time to time but my main issue is that she will only do anything on her own terms, when she wants to do it. If I ask her to do something like tidy her room up, she will simply not do it. It waits until I ask again and then a third time at which point we fall out.
Like many teenagers, she lives her life 90% online. I take her phone at 10:30pm but that still isn't late enough for her liking. It sucks up all of her time and attention and she's not interested in spending family time together at all.
I'm often alone managing this on a day to day basis, but when her Step Dad and Step Brothers are around, the issues between us can impact on everyone else.
She has said on two recent family trips that she doesn't want to be around us and would prefer to spend time alone, which is very upsetting to hear.
We have a UK family holiday booked for the end of August (my husband and I, my daughter and her three step brothers). I'm considering offering her the option to stay at home with her father to avoid ruining the holiday for the rest of the family. It would be heartbreaking not to have her there but it's starting to feel like a constant battle that shouldn't happen when we're supposed to be having fun.
Has anyone been through this, had similar thoughts and does anyone have any first hand advice on what I can do to help her re-engage with family life?
Thanks.