Curfew for a 13 year old

[PrettyPleaseXo]

My DS is turning 13 in a few days and as it is summer spending a lot of time out of the house with his friends and with his girlfriend. They are spending time at the beach and at the park. His curfew is 8.30pm. Do you think this is a sensible curfew? He is pushing for it to by 9pm which I think is way too late and just for clarification it will not be this late when it is winter and it gets darker earlier or when he goes back to school.

What curfew do you have for your 13 year olds?

At 13, unless in a friend's house, I would say before dark. In the holiday I'd say 9.40pm as long as not dark and getting a lift home.

That should say 9.30pm!

No way would my 13 year old be on the beach unsupervised

Teens hanging round in the park is just asking for trouble. I would say inside by 6, either at home, or at someone else's house, or at an activity

As no school and not dark I think 9pm or even 9.30pm is reasonable. Assuming sensible bunch and not likely to be accidentally bothering anyone or attract trouble from other teens.

Thank you all. Just to clarify, while they are at the park or the beach we live in a seaside town and there is nothing for them to do apart from be at the park or beach and the weather is nice enough for them to be able to do so. They are not the sort to be bothering others.

OP we are in a seaside town too, DD is a good trustworthy kid and last year was able to stay out until about 9.30pm on weeknights with friends, but I asked her to come back by 9pm on Fri&Sat nights as it gets a bit more lairy here on the weekends.

For those of us that live by the beach it's no different to teens going to the park.

Most are water confident, know to swim by the lifeguards etc but largely they just sit on the sand eating chips and chatting or making tik toks just like elsewhere, possibly going to the arcades if they've got some spare cash. Most don't even bother going in the sea.

OP DD stick her general location in our WhatsApp if she changes location, has to tell me her dinner plans and otherwise home before it's dark in the summer. Not an issue in the winter as she and her friends just hibernate at each others houses and I'll pick her up if it's dark.

In the holidays - home before it gets dark.

I was brought up by the sea. In those days it was accepted that a certain number of children would drown. These days we have fewer children and more investment in each one.

Unsupervised teens at the sea side is asking for trouble. Unsupervised teens hanging around together in parks is asking for trouble. Obviously children have to grow up, and take risks and assess things for themselves, but allowing a 13 year old to do these things is crazy. You know some will drown Some will fight, some will get injured, some will get criminal records, some will get addicted to drugs. 13/14/15 year olds have the worst judgement than at any other time in their lives after the age of about 3.

If you allow a 13 year old to do these things, there will be trouble. I would consider it to be neglect.

They can get together at people's houses, in gardens, if they have them, at activities, or they can organise their own activities, such as hire a 5-a-side football pitch for a couple of hours, or go swimming in a pool, etc.

Hanging around in beaches and parks is totally inappropriate. If this is really going to happen, then it is strictly a day tome activity only, and ends by 6.

Drowning aside, what are these things that you think will happen to unsupervised teens hanging out in parks or on the beach, that wouldn't happen in their own home, garden or while they are getting to and from their organised activity?
Surely it's the "unsupervised" bit that's crucial, and not the location?
(or are you assuming that all teens have a parent at home all summer?)

And why is before 6, so much better than after 6?

Jeez not all beaches are dangerous andnot all teens make stupid decisions, no one has drowned at our beach for at least 30 years, it's lifeguard patrolled has no rip tides etc etc. just a sandy place to sit, with food, drink and public toilets available.

My daughter and 4 of her friends are literally there today, they've taken picnic blankets, picnics, loads of sunscreen they applied before they left. DD was a competitive swimmer and done a junior beach lifeguard course and is aware of any issues in fact she's a far more useful person to have with you than I am.

Yes large groups of teens in the evening can make poor decisions but I can't say I've ever seen any in the sea on an evening walk. The eejits that cause havoc in the winter and like to bike around with no helmets or lights and all dressed in black clearly don't like the sand.

Putting aside @mytuppennyworth paranoia, I tend to say 8:30/9:00 if he is with friends. When he's alone, I like him home earlier as we have had a few incidents with rowdy gangs of boys around here who do like to target lone teenagers in the evening.

Overall I am kind of gobsmacked that there are parents who have issues with their 13 year olds being at the park or beach with friends at any time.

Well of all the things I thought might have happened today being told I'm neglecting my child was not one of them 😂
Just for clarification, my son can swim but does not go in the water past waist height because quite frankly I've scared the shit out of him about drowning to make sure that he's not one of these that will jump of the pier. I am very aware that he may do different when not with me, however he is a teenager and they are going to push boundaries

Yeah I'm not sure what the issue with the beach is?!

We live near a river, a canal and several reservoirs and the kids from 10-11 upwards hang out on and around them all constantly...

Inside by 6?! On beautiful summer evenings ?!

That is just tragic. No wonder kids and unhealthy and depressed.

Why am I paranoid? Fatal drownings in open water occur at a rate of more than one a day in the UK. And boys are 4x more likely to die in such circumstances than girls. And they are also more than twice as likely to be in an incident that leaves them with permanent brain damage than in a fatal incident.

So shall we say that equate to a young man every day dead or permanently disabled due to misjudging that they are safe in water when they are not.

So that is one mum today who has lost her son, and one yesterday, and one the day before etc etc etc.

I am a secondary teacher and regularly left to mop up the after affects of teens hanging around in the park in gangs. Knife wounds and electronic tagging being a common one, the typical scenario being local drug dealer or money launderer insinuates himself into group, recruits one or more from group to help with his "distribution" for his "business", young boy acquiesces at first then changed his mind when he realises what he is getting into - a stab in the thigh is the normal deterrent metered out for such unreliability, and the police record comes as an added extra, and we are suddenly supporting a student who can't walk properly, who can't lift his trousers up above his ankle, who will no longer play sport and sits alone in the corner instead.

Other outcomes are alcohol, shop lifting, police records, time off for court appearances, explaining to parents that no, they can't get special consideration in their GCSEs because they were in court on the day of the exam, fighting, convictions for assault, joint enterprise, lost university opportunities, lost employment opportunities, drug use, particularly cannabis, which crashes educational outcomes, and lowers IQ for life, road accidents, the list just goes on and on and on

I see it in multiple children every year.

No, don't allow your teens to hang around in parks in the evening. Why would they even want to? Because they thing they can get away with stuff there that they can't get away with near to home, or in someone's garden.

Yes, it is neglect. There are places to go and things to do. After 6 pm, organised activity or inside. Its just being an adequate parent.

Well exactly. My children are a bit older now, but at this sort of age it was not unknown for them to go off on a cycle ride to a park with friends, taking food with them, hang out in the park all day chatting and come home maybe around 7pm. Then they'd have dinner and be off out again until it got dark.
I used to think it was great they were outside being active so much, now I realise that they must have been up to no good and I am a dreadfully neglectful parent.

Inside, or in a garden, or at an organised activity. Not hanging round in the park.

I wonder if some of the comments are down to people living in particular areas?

Our local park, on a summer's evening will be full of dog walkers, joggers, cyclists, people playing football and basketball, families picknicking and friends walking and talking with coffee. A group of teens sitting on a rug and chatting are no more likely to get up to nefarious activity than if they were sat at home.

On the other hand, there are plenty of "organised activities" that I'd be much less keen for them to go to due to the sort of people that hang around outside.

I think some posters should be aware that their experiences are not the same as others, before wholesale casting aspersions on others' parenting.

@mytuppennyworth - on a sunny evening what is wrong with a playground/ park? Our local one is usually busy with families until later than that.

I recently walked through my local park on a gorgeous evening - and thought how sad it was that about 7 or 8 pm - it was busy - but only with dog walkers - not a child in sight. I thought how tragic our modern life is - kids put into bed on the handful of beautiful evenings

In spain where my family live - they will just move outdoors from about 5pm and stay out til 10 ish - kidss/ teens/ adults. nobody would think of being in on a sunny night.

We live in a culture where children and young people are hugely repressed - they have lost the freedoms previous generations had. They are more sedentary (and unhealthier) than previous generations as well.

We need to start looking at how to get children - particulary older kids and teenagers - out as often as possible.

9pm sounds reasonable for 13yo during the summer holidays, OP.

My son is 13 and has to be in at 8 at the moment but that's because they are at the park or local common ground and after that time it changes
Older teenagers turn up drinking/drugs etc and i don't want him around that.
He could stay later if at someone's house but they never seem to do that as they are so active they want to be out on bikes. Once in he's straight on the PlayStation with them until 11pm

That is completely different, teens are not hanging around on their own in Spain, are they - and the reason families go in in the UK is because of the teen gangs that often take over playgrounds in the evening.

And the parents of those drinking, drug taking, threatening teens are on here saying their children are sitting chatting harmlessly in the park....