No idea how to handle this

[Namechange09090]

I've name changed for this.

I'm away from home just now looking after my elderly mum after an operation. My DS(15) is at his dad's until later today and my DD(19) is at home.

She called me last night very distressed as she had been looking for something in her brother's room and found a pair of her own pants in a drawer of his desk (not an underwear drawer so not put there by accident). They were either unwashed or otherwise soiled (sorry but you get the idea).

No-one is surprised that he's masturbating but I have no idea how to approach the fact he's used his sister's underwear. My first thought was remove the underwear (as she has already done) and just leave it. He will know he's been found out and hopefully not do it again. Get a lock for her door and no longer use a washing basket. But that seems to be just brushing it under the carpet and I just got a text from Dd saying she's finding it hard to deal with.

Now, DS is also autistic, he hardly talks to me or DD at all when he's here. He's a very awkward boy and I have no idea how to tackle this with him. Has anyone got any experience of this or helpful suggestions?

No experience in this, but I think you just need to sit DS down and say he must not take other peoples clothes/underwear under any circumstances, without going into the other parts of this.

I think you really need to talk to him about it and about morality not being something to take lightly. The longer anything continues the more it will damage him.

You really can't sweep this under the rug, he needs to understand what an incredible violation of his sister this is. The poor girl, she must feel horrible.

It's going to be a really, really awkward and uncomfortable conversation that you need to have. I wouldn't water it down either with "we don't take other people's clothes" skirting around what the actual problem is, he needs to understand that continuation of this sort of behaviour in a few years could get him in far more trouble than a telling off from mum. Plain simple language and no pussyfooting.

Thanks so much for this. Will discuss properly with DD when I get home and then talk to DS. X

I'd also get DD a lock for her room.