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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My 16yr old is so rude, I just don’t know what to do

8 replies

Hayleyg4 · 04/08/2024 00:27

Help! I have 4 children and my 16yr old is just so rude (he’s my second born). The others aren’t, 20, 15 and 8 so I just don’t know how to deal with him. He’s always been difficult, attitude, kicks off, disrespectful and rude and I’ve dealt with it, probably too leniently, by grounding him, taking his Xbox, phone etc but it’s not got any better over the years. He doesn’t see when he’s wrong, it’s always everyone else, he breaks everything - punches doors so 4 have been broken, his desk, bedroom unit, tv, the printer and now today his sisters chest of drawers! Which has started another argument because he didn’t tell me until I noticed and asked him and he didn’t even care. He was rude to me twice last week so already we’re not on the best terms, it’s his birthday on Tuesday, I was going to buy him a car but decided a while back that until his attitude improves I’m not and I’ve stuck to. But he’s going to boardmasters on Wednesday and I was going to take him, stay over until Thursday and then come home and we go back for the weekend on Friday to bring him home on Monday. So it’s going to be long (it’s a 4 hour drive each way) but I was willing to do it. Now I’ve told him I’m not because of his attitude to me and the fact he breaks things and just doesn’t care. His friends have already apparently all sorted lifts so can’t go with them. I feel awful, does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with him? I know he’s more than likely being a teenager but I can’t stand the rudeness and it’s been going on for years. It’s how he talks to me more than anything, not what he’s saying (although some of the things he says are horrible). Just to add, outside of the house he’s lovely to other people, he’s very polite and he has really nice friends.

OP posts:
VotesForWomen · 04/08/2024 00:38

YANBU for refusing the lift to boardmasters.

GrumpyPanda · 04/08/2024 00:47

Don't understand why you stress the rudeness so much when his violence sounds even more concerning.

Definitely no lift- he can take a series of buses if need be.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/08/2024 00:48

Is he ND?

What happens if you ease up on all punishments?

cupcaske123 · 04/08/2024 00:48

Regarding him breaking things get him to pay for it or fix it. Sell his Xbox or if you give him money, stop until it's paid off. It would be better if he got a part time job.

Don't do anything for him, let him do his own washing and cooking. Can his dad talk to him or his older sibling about his attitude? Don't buy him anything until his attitude improves. Use consequences like shutting down the WIFI, lack of lifts, lack of treats until he starts to behave.

Mamabear999 · 04/08/2024 00:50

Well done you. You are being a first class mother doing what you are doing. If he is treating you like shit you are not rewarding his crappy behaviour.

klienental · 04/08/2024 00:51

Well he's been a prick so you've refused a lift. Could he earn his lift back by talking to you decently?

He's at that random age where he is not a kid but not quite an adult, throw in hormones and being a middle child and boom you end up with him being a butthead.

Would he listen to his older sibling if you had a quiet word? Or would that cause more drama?

Tell him he needs to meet you halfway. Your asking for him to not talk to you like crap and not damage things.

Get a punch bag and say next time he's willing to break something then hit the punch bag and next time he feels he wants to talk to you like crap he can go for walk outside the house and failing that and he does say something horrible then just walk away from him and give him the silent treatment. Obviously talking to him is not working so time for some silent treatment as that will probably shock him. And before the posters come and say that's abusive. It's not abusive when you have tried and tried and tried and nothing is getting through to someone you need to protect yourself

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/08/2024 00:53

Does he not know there is a train station in Newquay ?
Did you buy your eldest a cat at 17 ?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/08/2024 01:09

Can you give us an example?

l had 3 easy and one difficult child. I swore she was being awkward and argumentative on purpose.

lt was actually all about overwhelm and anxiety.

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