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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

16 super miserable after relocating any ideas?

17 replies

LoveRules · 02/08/2024 10:19

My lovely bright teen was really unhappy at school a year ago.

Around the same time my partner and I started talking about buying a house together instead of living an hour away from each other.

She was due to sit GCSEs this July and agreed a fresh start at a new sixty form would be far preferable to staying at the small grammar school she'd outgrown.

So... we found a house last Autumn and went through the arse of selling two houses and moving in. We moved a month ago. My partner is an incredible step dad persona to my daughter and has three kids of his own who are all as bright and quirky as she is.

At the beginning of the year she started hanging out with nice lads from the boys grammar school where we lived and her and her mates went on wholesome all day hikes with them and just generally enjoyed ad-hoc socials with our central house being the hub.

I knew the move would therefore hit her hard but am so sad to see her sobbing day in day out at the loss of her lovely life.
And no idea what to do.

I've encouraged her to apply for a summer job which she is doing and will get her on an intensive driving lesson course next year when she turns 17.

Looking for ideas of how to help her before she slides into a pit of depression and misery. Poor thing she's so furious with us. The rest of us are happy and by contrast her officially disabled and depressed older sister is so happy to be in a household where she has my partner and his kids (half the week with us) to hang out with after 5 years of herself languishing in bed with no contact with the outside world.

I just want everyone to be happy and enjoying their best lives.

OP posts:
RappersNeedChapstick · 03/08/2024 20:23

It's such a difficult time to move her but it's done now.

What are her plans? Does she know anybody from the new college or Sixth Form? Has she any idea of what she wants to do after?

Timeisnevertimeatall · 03/08/2024 20:26

Oh bless her, I'm not surprised she's unhappy. Does her dad live near your old home - could she move in with him?

DelphiniumBlue · 03/08/2024 20:48

A month is no time. She'll make new friends once she starts at the new 6th form, by October she'll be fine.
In the meantime, maybe she could have some friends to come and stay for a bit? It doesn't sound as if you've moved far, are meet-ups out of the question on a day to day basis?

waterrat · 03/08/2024 20:59

I moved my kids and saw the tears and anguish
It's painful to see but they got over it.

Sixth form is a huge shift for most young people and generally a way to begin again and make new friends

CN she stay in touch with old friends while she settles?

Sheri99 · 03/08/2024 23:04

Having four kids and having been in the military have experienced all sorts of drama when my kids (at all ages) had yet another move. What she is doing is normal and will be temporary, trust me. Give it time and give her physical work to do to keep her mind occupied.

SeasideTime · 03/08/2024 23:11

Ask her what she wants? Obviously a move at this age was going to be fairly awful for her. It sounds like you've underestimated that plus moving in with someone new (yes I'm sure she really loves them but it's still hard)

How far away have you moved?

sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/08/2024 07:03

Is living in with her dad an option? Or could she possibly stay at her old school but get the bus instead - or have you moved her too far away for that?

W0tnow · 07/08/2024 09:39

Do nothing for a year. Tell her you’ll revisit the subject then. I’n my experience, a year makes a world of difference.

VividQuoter · 07/08/2024 09:46

I think by the sound of it your new partner and his kids are quite amazing and generous human beings and all of you seem to make it work. I would try to make her see that having larger and happy family is quite great support anyway, even if you have left friends circle.

Friends can change or they can move but having a large happy family to always be there and do things with ( even when friends are not around ) is a very large blessing

Beamur · 07/08/2024 09:51

She'll be ok. But may feel sad until she's found new friends and is enjoying life again.
Can't she hang out with these friends from her old area sometimes? Have a sleepover with someone? Still do hikes sometimes. An hour away is nothing really. My DD goes to a 6th form with a huge catchment. Some of her friends are about 90 minutes away so they meet up in the middle or the town the college is in..

Gardendiary · 07/08/2024 09:57

That’s a hell of a lot of change. The poor thing is probably overwhelmed. However, this is the worst time for it, she is on school holiday in a place where she knows no-one and therefore has nothing to do but wallow in it. I think she will be better when she actually starts 6th Form and is able to meet people her own age and has something to focus on.

Coffeebreakneeds · 07/08/2024 10:06

It's tough, my DS started a new school for 6th form, but it has turned out to be the best thing ever and they all live in different directions, easily an hour apart from each other. Encourage her to still meet up with her old friends. Can she jump on a train, meet up and go on hikes, stay over, have a group of friends to stay at your new house/camp in the garden and get them to explore your area together. When she starts 6th form she will meet a whole group of new people, she certainly wont be the only new one starting. Is she into any sports? Can she join a club/team locally? My DS has a girlfriend who lives 45 mins away and they see each other regularly, they just have to try a bit harder than if they were living close by. Good luck as it's hard to see your children upset, but it sounds like the move has on the whole been positive. This rough time will get easier for her, its' still very early days.

shesacomplicatedlady · 07/08/2024 10:12

I'm sure once she starts sixth form it will all be ok but it's probably quite lonely if she doesn't know anyone in the area yet. Can she get back to the old area by bus/train to meet up with them for now.

myflightiscancelled · 07/08/2024 10:36

How far away is she fro her friends? Surely you can facilitate her meeting up a few times a week?

SirChenjins · 07/08/2024 10:43

How far did you move her from her friends? I’m sure she’ll make friends at sixth form but in the meantime I think it’s incumbent upon you to enable her to see her friends, either by driving her there or having them to stay. You may be happy but she isn’t (at the moment).

LoveRules · 07/08/2024 15:00

Thanks so much all. She was a lot brighter after a big sob (prompted by me telling her off for getting white paint on so much of her furniture as she painted her new room).

She's gone on the train to sleepover with old friends and has been invited on holiday with one of them plus her dad has invited her to travel to Germany with him.

I think many of you are rights it will all work out in the long run and the start of new 6th form will bring business and new relationships so just about biding time.

She's so different to me. I would have gone to volunteer anywhere/somewhere or adventured to places on my own to explore or started making things. She's a brilliant academic but not great at doing stuff by herself or being creative. She's got a creative adventurous older sister who she's always tagged along with but she is enjoying hanging with the extended blended step family youngsters which my youngest isn't interested.

Thanks again all!

OP posts:
LoveRules · 07/08/2024 15:06

She's an hour by car and as I work full time a drop off there isn't really achievable much of the time plus she doesn't want to go for constant sleepovers really just grieving the loss of the summer she never had there with our house being a handy drop-in base.

Luckily the train journey is straightforward and now she's done it with a pal she's happy to do it solo.

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