iPhone Scrolling at Night

[Dad247]

Hi everyone

I used this forum way back when we were expecting what was at that time, our first DD, now we have 3!

Well first DD is now 14 and has an iPhone.

We have really done our best, to much failure and success in a way, to control its usage, but with DD now heading into 3rd year, it is getting harder to control.

At the moment, we are in 'summer holidays' mode with the phone. I've parental control over it from my phone and I can lock down her phone using the Screen Time function and also restrict the time on certain apps from my phone such as TikTok and Snap. So for the summer, her phone unlocks at 8:30am and locks back down at 11:30pm. No app restrictions.

Come school months, so starting back in September, the times move, in so far as the phone unlocks from 7:30am (as she needs to get to bus to school at that time and for safety she needs a phone) and locks back down at an earlier times of 9:30pm/10pm. Apps such as TikTok and Snap have a collective 3 hour usage weekdays, with the allowance that extra time can be requested via the iPhone feature at the weekends if study and homework is done. This during school months. WhatsApp is unlimited as we feel this is a communication tool and as we live on a busy road and not in a housing development close to her friends, we feel that she should be allowed communicate with her friends unrestricted.

How does all that sound for a 14yo? Balanced, too harsh, too loose!

Anyways, what I'd love are people's views of a current scenario with our DD at the moment, heading to her bedroom at 8pm when she comes in, and just basically spending the night until 11pm in bed or laying on her bed, in the dark, just scrolling on her phone. Just scrolling, these bloody mindless reels etc.

Like there are other rooms in the house, with TVs, where she can have her own space and watch TV etc, but instead she chooses or we have allowed her to just enter this habit of heading up and looking at the small screen for hours on end. It can't be cognitively healthy? Right? Social skills even with us, connection, 'living' in the home etc.

Are we fighting a loosing battle or do we need to address this?

Op I would turn the phone off earlier..... then she might engage a bit more. I have the same problem with my 16 year old 😳😳

It's easily done, I mean, you and I are doing it right now.

I think there are a lot of smartphone addicted people in the world. Am interested in the responses you might get.

Have exactly same problem. Snapchat doesn’t work with screen time so that’s always meaning I’m trying to be step ahead as she is in that constantly. DD is 16 (just) constantly gets around screen time and I have to figure out how to get it back. Ended up in huge fight tonight as she was on phone at midnight talking to friend yet screen time in holidays is 11. But they get round it. Tonight same thing at 11.15 so took phone off her which then caused biggest meltdown I’ve seen since she was a toddler.
sometimes I think I should just unlock it all and let her get in with it. Have no sleep and no life with family just constant phone and friends on phone. She thinks I’m too controlling and she should be allowed to police herself yet her behaviour on not respecting rules (she can ask for more time) and tantrum tonight shows she can’t. There is no clear path through this when screen time isn’t as effective as it should be and we know phones are addictive.

@Womaninred Sorry to hear about this.

We had the same problem a couple of years ago. I would set specific usage times to certain social media apps and when I would review the usage time reports every now and again, the time on the apps was about allocated time!

Transpired DD saw me use the screen time passcode one day and was using the passcode to override the time restriction. What she didn't realise was I could see time reports showing her historic usage.

Is your and your DD phones iPhones?

Yes but it’s not that- it’s all the ways you can cheat system. Notifications can still be opened, clock can be changed, and you need to do lot more to stop Snapchat. Kids just Google how to get round screen time. 😕

No phone in bedroom. Try to implement that rule here.... Find her lying in my bed watching it.

I also have a 14 year old. During school term the phone locks at 9pm and unlocks at 7am. She can ask for a few extra minutes at bedtime if she needs to check something. In the holidays it locks at 10pm and unlocks at 7am.

We also have limits on app usage which are very strict during weekdays and less strict on weekends and holidays.

I think screens until 11.30pm seems a bit late, (but I have a 19yo who needs her sleep.)

Do you monitor her messages on Snapchat? Based on the number of unsolicited images I receive without even accepting the request, then have to manually remove the conversation after rejecting it. You need to check what she is being sent on Snapchat.