Sex toys in my son's bag

[Whatijustfound]

NC for this- not sure why as I've never started a thread (am a long time commenter!). My son is 16, nearly 17, no relationships before. I've just found two large penis butt toys, two bottles of lube and a couple of similar toys in the bag he takes between my house and his dad's. I'm very open-minded and am not cross about it- but it kind of freaked me out. When he came home from his friend's I wanted to talk to him. I just blurted out "I'm really sorry but I looked in your bag. I promise you I won't say anything to anyone, it's your business and I love you whatever". I asked if he thought he might be gay and he said he thought not. I just wondered what people's thoughts might be. Any similar experiences? My son is pretty emotionally intelligent. He just calmly said "I'd rather not talk about it" and we carried on like nothing had happened.

What is a penis butt toy? Are you sure they were gay sex toys you saw?

I don't really think there's anything else you can do. It sounds as though your son reacted maturely and calmly to your questioning and the ball is now in his court if he wants to talk to you.

You shouldn't have looked and definitely shouldn't have said anything,not having a go at you OP. He's experimenting lots of teenagers do. Bleach your mind 😁

I assume he's had a safe sex talk before, but you could always bring it back up from that angle - i.e. I don't need to know details but I do want to remind you to use condoms, not do anything that might damage your body etc. He might well be experimenting himself - I bought my first sex toys around that age (thank you, fake ID and unobservant Ann Summers staff) and it was purely for my own sake, not anyone else's.

Otherwise, I think just remind him again another day that you're there to talk to if he wants, and I think that's all you can do really!

Seems like he's more mature than you are ...

Lots of heterosexual men like anal play, or maybe his partner; and lube is never a bad thing

Thank you all for your replies. He knew I was cleaning out his room to make way for a desk, so I was making piles of stuff like school books and the bag I looked in was what I presume he had some school books in too. I realise there's nothing more I can say about it and I'm pretty sure he won't bring anything up. I just want him to be safe (hygienically). I think if they had been general plugs and not penis- shaped ones, I wouldn't have asked him if he were gay (and I'm not bothered if he is).

There's never been a safe sex talk (I've tried!). I think he's pretty clued up with the theory, is switched on. I'm not going to say anything to his dad (or anyone) about it- it's his business.

Heterosexual men use butt plugs you know!!
Yabu to discuss it with your ds. Poor lad.

You spelled "I invaded my son's personal property for no reason other than being nosey" wrong.

This. He's an adult. Allow him his privacy.

pretty much says it all.... mind your own business

The boy is past the age of consent; you are being nosy.

I take all your comments on board.

That's ridiculous - she's explained she was tidying his room

Any similar experiences?

I would caution anyone else on this thread against relating their 'similar experiences', for obvious reasons.

However, if we're giving the OP the benefit of the doubt - you just need to accept that this is your son's own private business and move on from it. If he's gay and wants to tell you, he will do so. But a parent shouldn't be asking their son anything further about what happens to float their boat sexually. It's private. At any age.

At 16 what on earth is wrong with his hand? It does seem a bit too much, too soon.

If I accidentally saw theses things in my sons bag. I would not have even mention it. I would assume its something he wants to keep private that's personal to him. I doubt very much he would want to talk to him mum about butt plugs.

As for the gay part sex toys does not =equal gay ... but if your son was gay . I feel its wrong to ask that . He would come to you and tell you when and if he's ready.

He’s not an adult, he’s 16. That is still a child and this feels a lot for a child. Sorry OP I think you have had some horrible comments on here. I would be equally concerned but there is little you can do currently.

You shouldn't have said anything, it's his business and he's old enough to have a private sex life.
I think you've probably embarrassed him by mentioning it, and in the nicest possible way it's really none of your business.
I'd just apologise to him for asking any questions and say it doesn't need to be spoken about again.
I understand you just wanted to be open and give him an opportunity to talk, but it's an unnecessary chat. Best to apologise and move on...

The law says sex at 16 is fine. There are no specifications he can't use butt plugs. He isn't a dc. I left home a week after I was 17. I wasn't a dc. Maybe accept he is pretty much a grown up.

I would not have said anything. It's up to him what he does with his body and he has a right to privacy. I guess he feels pretty embarrassed or uncomfortable now. It's normal to experiment at that age but not something most want their mums to know about.

What on earth made you think that telling him you found them was a good idea?! You have embarrassed your poor son for absolutely no reason.