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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

What should I do next ...

7 replies

BusyBee2005 · 29/07/2024 14:21

Firstly apologies that this is fairly long winded, but felt it was needed for context.

DS is 17 & in Y12 at sixth form, unfortunately he didnt do as well as hoped at GCSE so wasnt able to sit the A Level course he originally chose and so is doing a similar course. This is where the problems started...

Since starting sixth form, his zest for life and his very strong opinions on things seem to have dwindled, he goes to college but dispite always being fairly well behaved is now frequently being removed from class / losing privileges and we have an email / call home most weeks either for missing coursework or behaviour related issues. He loved school prior to this and still has largely the teachers he used to get on well with.

Along side school issues, he really ramped up his disrespect at home around the same time as starting college and getting a part time evening job. He went from being this lovely lad to a monster over night. I tried to be relaxed about the changes thinking alot happened for him in a fairly short space of time. However we are now 10 / 11 months on and he is awful; I feel scared and intimidated in my own home and try to avoid interaction as much as possible.

Anyway, last week - we got into a huge heated discussion about why / what has changed to have made him change so much because both school and I are sick to death of his poor choices. This ended up with him going out with mates when he was told he wasnt allowed but then lying about their whereabouts. I text my disappointment and asked for where they had actually gone and then got on with my evening (I have 3 other children), he returned home and when I asked him to think next time, he flew off the handle stating no one elses parents care about the school behaviour stuff and hes sick of living here. He then left at 4am the following morning; after me trying to stop him but was pushed out the way ... he went round the country travelling "because I can & you cant stop me"

Last night he returned for the first time since thursday. He doesnt want to be here, and if Im honest im so drained of emotions, im struggling too, but where is the best place to get support for either of us / both of us! Im ashamed to say I cant stand him at present, for 10 months almost daily he has screamed / shouted / disrespected me & his siblings and nothing I do is simply good enough.

We spoke to the out of hours team at our local council last night but obviously he had returned home so no one was interested, Ive tried the young people's department today but was told they cant help but werent able to offer any where that might be able to help.
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OP posts:
Orangesandlemons77 · 29/07/2024 14:46

Who is he hanging about with?

BusyBee2005 · 29/07/2024 14:55

The same few friends hes had for the last few years who all seem generally quite nice.

As far as I know from what hes said hes been on his own all weekend.

OP posts:
Malahide · 29/07/2024 17:24

I’d try and get him a MH assessment via the GP OP. Something isn’t right

RappersNeedChapstick · 30/07/2024 06:51

Could it be drugs OP? A sudden change like that isn't usual.

socks1107 · 30/07/2024 22:46

My eldest was a bit like this in year 12.
I tried to make time for just her each week, helped with organising school work and doing the odd bit of washing and I just listened.
She came out of it in six months and is an absolute pleasure. We set new boundaries that reflected the young adult she now was but respected the family without controlling her

cupcaske123 · 30/07/2024 23:18

You could try phoning Family Lives for advice and support, they have a good helpline.

Lighteningstrikes · 30/07/2024 23:39

Do you think/ know if he's taking any drugs?
Going off at 4am sounds like he could possibly need a fix, and being on drugs could account for his awful behaviour.

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