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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Cousin in desperate need for some advise!

9 replies

Cousininneed · 21/07/2024 21:37

My much younger cousin (11 years old) is dropped off at my grandmothers home for his summer holidays every year. He is from another country which means this is a 3 month period of her “looking after him”. The kindest words to describe the kid would be selfish and disrespectful.
He makes my grandmothers life a living hell for 3 months and has given her endless amount of stress.
Some examples include screaming for a massage till he falls asleep every night (she has severe arthritis) some night she will be putting herself in exrutiating pain massaging him for hours till silly times in hope for a few hours of sleep herself. Going on hunger strike till she serves him every meal in bed (she is in her mid 70s). Calling her vile names and being physical in some cases when he doesn’t get his way. I could go on and on!
I have tried speaking with my auntie to stop sending him to her but she works 9-5 and cannot afford childcare.
My grandmother is the most caring woman who would do anything for her family so suggesting that he should stop coming to her is out of the question.
I come over when I can to help with him but he has the least respect for me than anyone in the world so I am not much help. My grandmother will give into him because she doesn’t want his moods to escalate. It brakes my heart and I really need some advice!
The whole family know of the situation but it doesn’t seem like anyone cares.
The kid has been to therapy seen countless mental health specialists and is on adhd medication but nothing seems to help.

OP posts:
coronafiona · 21/07/2024 21:40

She needs to stop looking after him. It soo just continue otherwise. If she can't say it herself maybe you can talk to the parents.

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/07/2024 21:44

So they spend 3 months looking after the 11 yr old. Why for so long?

Quitelikeit · 21/07/2024 21:45

Can he not stay home alone at that age?

or can you pay for his childcare

Ellerby83 · 21/07/2024 21:47

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/07/2024 21:44

So they spend 3 months looking after the 11 yr old. Why for so long?

Most schools in other countries have much longer summer holidays than the UK

MissMoneyFairy · 03/07/2025 13:49

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

MissMoneyFairy · 03/07/2025 13:50

Sorry wrong thread

Sassybooklover · 03/07/2025 14:02

Unfortunately, nothing will change unless your Grandmother refuses to have him stay with her. At 11 years old, he should be able to stay on his own whilst his Mum works. I'm guessing that he's not able to do this due to his behaviour? In which case his Mum is very much aware of how volatile he can be, but is ignoring her own relatives situation, because by doing so, she'd have to acknowledge that he shouldn't be staying with her. There's no boundaries in place, and the child is allowed to treat people as he wishes, because there's no consequences to his behaviour. Sadly, all you can do if offer your grandmother as much support as you can. Ultimately, the situation can only end of your grandmother holds her ground and tells her daughter she's no longer looking after her grandson, and why.

Alwaystired2023 · 03/07/2025 14:04

how possible would it be for him to stay with another family member? Appreciate his mom needs him to stay somewhere but could you say he can come to the UK but needs to stay with your family as grandma not up to it healthwise, and then you just do not put up with his awful behaviour?

pinkdelight · 03/07/2025 14:06

This thread is a year old and seems to have been resurrected by mistake. Ignore!

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