Can’t get teenager out of bed and dressed

[Teenie22]

Hi, I’m sure this will probably have been asked before!

Is it a fairly standard and normal thing for a teenager (female 15) to barely get out of bed and not get dressed on a daily basis during the school hols?

She’s very independent during school time (up at crack of dawn, ready, washed and fed by herself without any prompting) but on weekends and holidays I can’t get her awake, out of bed or dressed without constantly going on at her over and over again.

I’m wfh and I’m up and down the stairs over and over again trying to get her to move. She says she’ll go out with friends but then doesn’t organise anything.

There are no issues with illness, mental health, friends or going to bed super late.

Is this every other parent’s experience of a teen?

Why does she need to be up? If she's up for school I'd let her relax in the hols and weekend

Teens need a lot of sleep, I would leave her to it during the holidays.

Is she on her phone

Surely one of the joys of holidays is being able to do what you want when you want. Not having to follow any schedule.

teenage bones, get a lot denser, and until their muscles catch up they are extremely tired.

Why do you have to get her up? Leave her be?

Sounds like she's living the dream, 6 weeks of no work, no responsibilities and plentiful lie-ins. Why are you trying to ruin that for her? It won't be long until she's grown up and working or has DC, and has to get up every day like the rest of us. Let her sleep fgs.

What does she need to get up and dressed for if she just wants to relax and stay at home. She might be on her phone, computer or tv late.,

This has really made me miss being a 15 year old.

It's a long time since I was a teen and I still enjoy a lie-in!

Yes it is normal for teens. My 20 something dd works shifts and mainly does afternoon or early evening shifts (her choice). Up till the small hours and sleeps all morning.

Older teen only gets up early on days she starts work at 9.00.

I would be OK with it up to about midday. Then leave her a list of some chores she needs to do in the afternoon..empty dishwasher/ hang out clothes etc. How her the list before bed so she knows the story. Don't call her or remind her just leave the list. Then ignore her for the day. Stop wasting energy on her.

Did your DM ruin your lie-ins when you were a teen? Did you have to work all hours as a teen due to family issues? If so, I totally salute you and I genuinely understand how your DD lying abed til all hours must grate but enjoy the luxury that your DD can lie in when perhaps you couldn't.

Her hours sound normal to me. If you are content with her and she is up to scratch otherwise, why push? Is there a specific thing you expect/need her to do? I'll bet she'd factor it in and do it diligently if there really was a need.

Back in the day, my own DM used to try to impose her schedule on me. It just made me resentful.

My older teen DD has finished lessons for the year. She works shifts at the local until 11pm plus. Her academics are ok and after this first week of hols I'll be pushing her to work on the summer assignments but she's quite organised so will probably make a timetable for herself.

This is an issue where pushing your DD can make you seem pointlessly hard and mean.

You’ve pretty much hit the nail on the head.

I struggle with perspective here, probably due to my own experiences, hence the question. I hate to feel she’s wasting precious time when she could be doing something interesting or out having fun (and also know growth, rest and development is important) but know that I struggle to relax and feel I always have to be on the go.

If it’s normal for others to leave their teens to sleep for the entire summer if they want, that’s good to know! I try not to moan to her about it and there’s nothing she needs to be doing (although I could be tougher on the chores list) but I guess I just need to calm down and let her be!

Leave her be fgs... let her enjoy her free time whilst she is young. If she is otherwise reliable during term time, why are you nagging?

My teenager becomes nocturnal during the holidays … she’s a gamer, and all the fun seem to happen in someone else’s timezone 😂

Have a listen to this podcast episode op, I was a bit worried about dd sleeping in til lunchtime every day last week and found it helpful

www.teenagersuntangled.com/95-sleeping-in-until-late-during-the-holidays-tips-for-coping-with-teens-and-tweens-whore-waking/

I think unless you're concerned about her mental health / depression then it's just pretty typical teen behaviour. Tbf they do also have biological changes that make them need more sleep, they produce melatonin later in the evening which has a knock on effect on waking up later. It's something to do with their circadian rhythm changing; making them feel awake later and still have more melatonin than us in the mornings til later (sorry I'm no good at explaining but Google will find all the science if anyone finds it interesting too)

Perfectly normal. Leave her be.

Going against the grain no I don't think it's normal for teens to stay home and not socialise at all for the entire summer.
Mine like a lie in like all teens but then they're out with friends doing stuff most days, golf, gym, cycling, swimming etc. I'd be a bit worried if mine became a recluse at that age. Everybody needs fresh air and exercise regardless of age.

My mum never forced me out of bed at that age! It comes across as controlling. Let her sleep if she has nothing else on.

Mine sleeps all days some days, other days sge gets up and goes out with her friends. It’s her Summer, I just leaver her to it. Most of my friends teenagers are the same except for one whose Mum makes her get up at 9 am everyday including weekends which I think is cruel.

Yeah I’d let her lie in but it would worry me if she’s never leaving the house or meeting up with anyone. Everyone needs some kind of activity / excercise/ sunlight.

Could you come to an arrangement so that you aren't up and down bugging her the whole time - which is stressful for both of you

I think she sounds great if she is getting up without being asked for school. In return how about you give her til 2pm? And make a massive effort to leave her alone IF she then agrees that at 2 she will get up and make plans??

She needs the lie in but - also it is good to get fresh air and be social.