Unwise contraception choice

[duvet]

DD 18 (ASD/ADHD - bit naïve) has told me she had sex with a guy she added on SM she meet him once then DTD but he pulled out, I'm going to get her MAP this morning but I also want to prevent this happening again. This is not the first time thankfully the last person used a condom, but previous guy said he couldn't use one!
She has hormone contraception but doesn't consistently use it, this is partly because after it she would be quite upset, which leads to her telling me what happened and she has said she wont be do it again! That although she wanted to do it she also felt sick inside.
Even though I've said you never know in the heat of the moment etc etc
I've always had open conversations growing up with them about safe sex and consent, I have also talked about sex being best in a stable relationship - but added that that is my opinion, not my judgement of others. I know she feels lonely and the dopamine hit of sex is a big driver but it's the low down after that's hard for her & me. How can I at least get her to be safe??

Get the implant or injection? Or mirena coil?

she’s more than a “bit naive”

she is very vulnerable op

She refuses to get the implant @Notastalker and yes that's what I think @InvestinITMN she's vunerable .... but I'm not sure what I can do - I've filled in a form with Integrated Autism Service but I'm not sure they will help. When she was at college she had several meeting where they kept telling her activities where not safe!

It's like a form of self harm - she wants attention she says, I'm there for her but want to do more, but it's so hard when she's 18.

how does she spend her days? in work?

Sadly no, not for want of trying, shes had two jobs since and been dismissed both times after a couple of weeks .... she comes across confident ... but it all falls apart! She seems to have got worse since she turned 18 - 'I can do what I want now', however she does want a job as she wants money.
She's agreed to work in a charity shop, I will try & help her get that sorted when I'm off next week.

Can you make her an appointment with the practice nurse to discuss options? I'm sure her GP practice will be aware of her adhd diagnosis and can help you and your daughter navigate the best contraceptive for her. There are lots of longer term options to choose from

I've taken her once already but maybe I need to go again. If anyone knows of a website that might be good. Have looked at some but they are not plain enough, black & white - if you see what I mean!

OP. This is so hard for you. I have a teenager daughter with asd and possibly adhd who sounds very much like your daughter. She is slightly younger.

She also will have sex like that. Recently she agreed to go on the injection but has said she will only have the injection when she feels like it and not when it is due. She lacks the understanding you need to have it every three months. It is very frustrating for adults involved.

She also like your daughter is very much 'I will do what I want when I want', with the added 'no matter the consequences or who I trample on to get it.' I know what you mean about the attention seeking behaviour.

I wanted to say you are not alone. I think it is important for all people in her life like parents, other family and any support workers to be telling her the same messages on keeping safe etc over and over.

Have you got any support? Has she got a SW? If not it might be worth you calling ASC to see if she qualifies for one. My dd is 17 and has a youth one but we have been told she will get an adult social care SW due to her vulnerabilities. You can also request a carer's assessment from ASC for yourself for support.

I was the same when younger! The dopamine hit/loneliness is v relatable, also the intolerance to hormonal. First, need to get her an STD test! Not just pregnancy that's a worry. Non hormonal option - the copper coil or the mirena coil which has low hormonal dose compared to others. Lots of side effects tho. I think you're right to focus on building her self worth through work - hobbies too? I feel I acted like this because I didn't have any hobbies or talents that made me feel good about myself, so had v low self worth.

Thank you @Sixpence39 yes I will try but she didnt like the feel of the hormone patch - I think I'm going to have to get tougher with her!
Thank you @Violet17 that helps to know and the suggestions - her sister is good at saying same too. she definitely needs some help and she has said that herself - Sorry what is ASC.

Both neurodiverse dc here have mirena coils. They last 8 years which could be a good sales pitch to her.

Thank you @Sixpence39 yes I will try but she didnt like the feel of the hormone patch - I think I'm going to have to get tougher with her!
Thank you @Violet17 that helps to know and the suggestions - her sister is good at saying same too. she definitely needs some help and she has said that herself - Sorry what is ASC.

@duvet
Adult Social Care

@Violet17 I have now been and had her referred to vulnerable services team, so hopefully SW sorted soon. Since talking with them though about the issues and her online activities and them agree that she is at risk, I'm now contemplating blocking Snapchat on the home router (if that's possible) but unsure if that is the right thing to do, DD has talked with me many times about how she wants help with the issue but keeps doing it cos it gives her a buzz however she has always said don't get rid of SNap, I mean I cant take her phone off her anyway. But I am thinking it's like her drug and if I can limit it in the home - like you would with weed for example then that might be a good thing to do? We have the wifi off at night, which she has says she is glad of quietly! But not sure what the right thing to do is here?

@duvet
I am not sure you can block Snap like that. You have been very proactive and supportive. We also cant protect our young people from everything especially from 16 onwards. We can support them and offer advice. Sometimes they learn from bad choices and sometimes they dont. My DD also seems to get a thrill from meeting unknown boys off Snap.
I think it is a good idea however to drip feed the same message over and over and for other influential adults in her life to do the same so you all say the same message about how to keep safe.

Yeah good point @Violet17 it has been good that she is hearing it from other sources apart from her (you dont know anything 🙄😄) parents!!

The coil is good but you need to tell her she has to insist on condoms as well, if the guy refuses she kicks him out the door.

My DD doesn't just add she sends pics to any male. 😔

get her the implant and try and drive home to use condoms too.
and that there are hardly any men that "can't" use condoms, they just don't like to, and to not trust them if they say that.
if they have a latex allergy, you can get latex free ones.

one lad I knew in my teens who insisted he couldn't use condoms due to a latex allergy had hepatitis. didn't stop him having unprotected sex with teenage girls.