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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Can a 11 year old and a just turned 13 year old be left alone together?

43 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 12/04/2008 09:49

As I need to do training for work.

They are both very sensible boys, who get on really well together. But I don't have anyone who can mind them

OP posts:

tigermoth · 12/04/2008 20:43

frogs, what bad luck. Hope your leg isn't too painful.

Whenver I leave my sons, at the back of my mind I worry about what would happen if I was accidently delayed.

I also worry that if I had to tell a nurse or policeman that my sons were alone at home, this would not go down well. This thread is reassuring. Actually I am slightly surprised that the majority of people do think it's ok to leave a 13 year old in charge of a younger sibling for a short while. I thought by doing this I was going against the majority view.

cory · 13/04/2008 22:11

I can't imagine that a nurse or a policeman would react badly to a 13year-old being left alone at home. We are not talking babies here, we are talking someone who will be eligible to vote and drive a car in 5 years time, and who may well have left home by then.

The important thing is training. Make sure they know exactly how to deal with a serious of possible emergencies: banged heads or bleeding wounds (ring 999), fire (get out first! then ring 999), mummy does not come home as expected (ring mobile and/or assigned adult).

tigermoth · 13/04/2008 22:26

I am just not sure if a nurse/ policeman was told a 13 year old was in charge of younger children what the standard reaction would be.

foofi · 13/04/2008 22:30

That age-old question....

I personally leave children younger than that, although usually for much shorter periods of time. However, I think that was a good point about them fighting with each other. They also need to be well aware what they should do in event of a fire etc.

unknownrebelbang · 13/04/2008 22:49

I know a policeman who leaves his 13 year old and 11 year old OR 9 year old (never both) occaasionally .

I would leave them yes, depending on their personalities (we've just started leaving our eldest with either of his brother's for an hour or so here and there, but DS2's personality if very different from DS1).

Strategies are important though - phone numbers, neighbours they could call on if they felt unnverved by something, etc etc.

Poor Frogs - something like that happening would be my biggest concern tbh.

brightwell · 14/04/2008 07:45

I'm a nurse and I regularly leave my dc 13 & 10 home alone. Usually for work purposes but I've even left them so I can go out for a few hours in the evening. You know your own dc. I'm always contactable and I leave a list of do's & don'ts.

Beetroot · 14/04/2008 07:50

yes

seeker · 14/04/2008 07:56

I leave my 12 and 7 year olds alone at home for up to 2 hours ish. Really don't see a problem with it. They humour me by promising not to use the kettle! They really enjoy it.

I leave my 12 year old alone for about 30 minutes every Tuesday night while I get her brother from football. She LOVES it - and gets a real kick from getting the tea on the table for when we get home.

frogs · 14/04/2008 10:42

Well I had to tell a policeman just exactly that (ie. that a 13yo and 8yo were home alone together) as I lay there with my head on the kerb blacking out gently. They didn't twitch, and there has been no follow-up, despite my nasty visions of SS turning up.

tigermoth · 15/04/2008 09:30

That's all very interesting as FWIW, the views here seem in direct contradiction to the views I get in real life.

My dh and I have a local pub just round the corner from our home. dh is friends with a group of people who are teachers or ex-teachers. They all have grown up children. I get the clear impression that they think ds1 is too young to look after ds2 and that I would be a bit irresponsible if I left them both at home to go round the corner for a drink. I if dh and I were out together, they would ask who was babysitting.

When I have talked to them about when they think it would be ok to leave ds1 in charge of ds2, they say they didn't start leaving their own children alone in the house looking after younger siblings till the youngest was around the age of 14/15 (so I have 6 years to wait as my ds2 is just 8!). In fact, one of them said she would never consider asking her older child to babysit her siblings, even when her oldest was over 18, as she didn't feel it was fair for her dd to have this responsibility.

claricebeansmum · 15/04/2008 09:34

In response to OP - if you think they are sensible and get on then I can see no problem. Have a quick chat through on what to do in an emergency and leave with a couple of contact numbers.

I would definitely do this. I leave DD10 & DS11 for an hour or so.

tigermoth · 15/04/2008 09:38

Re-reading my message, I also mean that real life situations as described here, like Frogs' example, seem in contratiction to the real life views I have encountered from local friends.

frogs · 15/04/2008 09:48

Tm, I don't really get the logic that it's OK to pay someone else's 15yo to look after your own small children, but not OK to expect your own to do it, after negotiation of an appropriate reward.

I would let dd1 (13) babysit the younger two (8 and 4) in the evening (after the 4yo was asleep) if we were just popping round the corner for a drink or for dinner, and could be back in ten minutes if she called us. I wouldn't leave her in sole charge if we were going further afield, though, as I don't think her judgement is sufficiently mature to cope with all eventualities. For example, I went to the corner shop one evening before dh got back, and came back a mere 5 mins later to find her freaking out because she'd turned the taps on to run a bath and couldn't turn it off again. It hadn't occurred to her to take the plug out...

dizzydance · 15/04/2008 20:09

Found this thread really interesting. My dss are 13 and 14 and alone they are sensible and I would easily trust them. Together though they bicker constantly. They are so close in age its not as if one is looking after the other. I do leave them though, but always have a mobile on me.

essjayo · 16/04/2008 17:39

Have to agree with tigermoth about reaction she gets in real life. I left DD 13 in charge of DS 11 to go to a friend's party about 10 min drive from home (next door neighbour also alerted in case of emergencies) and ALL my friends thought I was reckless to leave them. I can't understand how we can expect our children to be mature enough at 16 to decide whether they want to have sex, get married or join the army if we don't give them some responsibility at an earlier age. It's not like they are stupid at 15 and suddenly sensible at 16 - or are they??

Original poster

AMAZINWOMAN · 18/04/2008 17:50

Thanks everybody for replying.

I have decided to leave them ,as I think it will be better for them at home than being sent to the library etc for a few hours

They are both mature, and have just passed a first aid course. They get on well together too. Although they can cook, I will leave snacks out though! i don't want my worrying mind to go into overtime!

OP posts:

tigermoth · 19/04/2008 10:09

I think you've made the right decision, amazinwoman.

Frogs, I agree it was illogical (and IMO out of touch with reality) of my teacher friend to state that she had never left her 18 year old in charge of her younger two sisters, due to it being an unfair responsibility.

IMO She could afford have this principle because she had a lot of family backup (parents, aunts and ex husband all living nearby) who did lots of childcare for her. She never had to pay a teenager to babysit her children and just did not see that other parents like me don't have this luxury. I have to admit, I was silently seething at her blinkered and smug viewpoint!

seimum · 19/04/2008 15:12

We stopped paying for babysitters when my eldest was 14 (& her siblings were 11 and 7).
One of our usual babysitters was unavailable & her mother suggested we use her (the sitter's ) younger sister - who was in the same school year as my daughter!
We still used to get my mum to babysit if we were going somewhere more than about 30mins drive away - but for 2hrs in the daytime it's not a problem.
Since they went to secondary school, my daughters have looked after themselves at home when they have 'training days' that do not coincide with primary school holidays - from 9 to 3.

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