Hello
Having quite a few issues with DS15 and could really do with some advice! He's had a tough couple of years with lack of friends and is really unhappy and is taking it out on us at home. Some recent developments have led me to think he could have Aspergers (sorry not even sure if that term is used now) but I'm really not sure what to do (if anything). It may be that he is just very socially awkward?
NO teacher has ever mentioned that he might have issues firstly. Certainly in primary there was nothing to indicate any problems. He was a happy, funny child, plenty of friends, enjoyed acting (did a few TV adverts etc), very clever, very engaging.
The transition to high school was fine to begin with but then he had a few issues with his friends - it seemed to us that he couldn't handle 'banter'. His friend group dwindled, and finally his best friend dropped him - and then of course Covid hit.
We thought his issues stemmed around him being so clever and not being on a level with his peers - struggling to cope with kids messing around in class and being daft, that sort of thing. For context a few of his teachers have said he is Oxbridge material, and he really wants to go down that route - he is excelling in all subjects.
But now after a couple of years of him being very lonely we're beginning to wonder if he's a little autistic.
He attends 2 drama clubs outside of school, plays guitar, does kickboxing, volunteers in a charity shop (reluctantly). He is a good communicator, gives eye contact, is funny, understands humour. He gets incredible feedback from school, his teachers love him, he's very vocal in class. He has a lovely teacher at school who looks out for him (after I'd voiced some concerns) and he now attends a lunchtime club for the kids who are struggling socially.
BUT he is very black and white, he loves rules and hates anyone who doesn't adhere to them, he is very 'stiff' when he walks / moves - it's like he can't relax, even at home. He carries a blanket and a bear around with him a lot. Lately he has been telling us he hates himself and that of course is making us very worried. He is AWFUL to us at home, flies off the handle at the smallest thing, is very rude. Dinner times are miserable, he always brings a very negative energy to the table - there's just no joy there. He sees the worst in every situation.
We found a 'confidence coach' who we hoped would help him socially and he did have a 3 hour session with him, so we were tentatively feeling positive. Unfortunately the day before his next session (an hour long this time) he had a massive meltdown, refused to go and said the coach was just 'compounding his misery'.
If anybody has any advice I'd really appreciate it!