15yr old daughter relationship worry

[ETphonehome77]

My 15 yr year old daughter has been in a relationship with a boy in her year for 8 months now. It’s her first boyfriend so I assumed it would fizzle out after a few months but I’m concerned that it’s too serious at such a young age. Am I being overly worried? Any advice would be gratefully received!

Is there anything else about the relationship that’s giving you cause for concern?

I got together with my first boyfriend when I was 15, we stayed together for nearly three years and eventually split up when I went away to university. He was my first love ❤️ fond memories!

Is it that you don’t want her starting a sexual relationship - is that your concern?

What you concerned about?

Actually in my ds2's year, year 10, there are few relationships. But those that are have lasted all year, and seem quite solid.

I’ve done research and written about young relationships, and what I found was that some kids are ready earlier than others. The key concern should be whether there is any power imbalance, and that their first experience is positive.

Keep a curious mindset, rather than any judgement. You want her to be telling you as much as possible, and turning to you for advice. Make sure that she understands your values, the law, and the key issues such as contraception, STD’s, consent, sexting etc. the WHO judges someone to be ready for a sexual relationship if they are prepared to use contraception every time.

I know it can feel too early for us, but it’s far better to provide a safe space for her to talk about what’s happening than to feel judged and to turn away.

@Rainallnight I just feel that the relationship seems intense and worry that she sees him too much. When she’s not seeing him, he’s constantly messaging her on Snapchat.

@NoSquirrels yes, that does concern me and I have spoken to her about contraception etc. I’m more concerned that so much of her time seems to be taken up with seeing him and feels it seems too intense for a 15yr old

@vodkaredbullgirl more to do with how much they see eachother and seems intense for a 15yr old.

@teenagersuntangled that’s helpful, thank you. She doesn’t talk to me about the relationship at all. I’ve briefly spoken to her about contraception etc but that was some time ago.

Ah, now that’s very interesting. Your worries about the intensity are understandable. I think the important thing is to support her in saying you are happy she has a boy from who seems to care for her, but that she has a responsibility to her future self to find balance in her life. Talk from a position of empathy, trying to hold a mirror up to her. Ask her how happy she is with the amount of time she is spending doing other things. Tell her that you can see her feelings are real and deep, but that you would be neglecting her if you also didn’t explain that she is vulnerable at her age. It’s much harder to be balanced and she is missing out on other things that it’s very important to do.
If you would like her to do more of other things then you can restrict the time on her phone, and make sure it’s out of her bedroom at night.
Have you spent much time with him? It would be good for you to know him so that you can assess who’s controlling the intensity.