Worried DS 16 is bored

[Shinypalace]

Worried about DS 16 he spends so much time in his room, bored. At least he is learning guitar. Our home IS boring, his sister has moved out and it’s just me, watching tv and DH in bed.
he doesn’t really want to go anywhere with us and his mates aren’t around that much.
he doesn’t seem interested in any sports, clubs etc.
maybe if I go to karate, 😁😁😁the gym he’ll come too?
am also concerned my levels of anxiety about this. I’m permanently thinking of him

He’s old enough to entertain himself if he needs entertainment, concentrate on making your own life more entertaining.

I sympathise OP I feel the same about my DS. He has friends but they seem incapable of arranging meet ups in person and seem to holiday consecutively so they’re never around at the same time. I worry a lot.

DD has just done GCSE's and has so far got a job, taken a course to get a climbing qualification and learned to knit.

They have all been instigated by her but I have helped facilitate (help with CV, liaising with climbing instructor re dates). They are not something I'm doing with her.

Separately we have played cards in the evening and today shopped and packed everything needed for a camping trip she's going on next week with her friends.

My number 1 would be to encourage him to go and get a job tbh

Very familiar and hard to crack, especially if he's just had a hard GCSE year. In retrospect I wish we'd somehow insisted on some work even voluntary, as it gets even harder to winkle them out later.

Thanks guys.
portias I do need to, I feel stuck and no longer sure what I am.
inthemosquito exactly! They seem to only do stuff if everyone is there, and even then it’s just mooching round.
sunmer how did she get interested in climbing or knitting?
aramix thanks, he has actually mentioned a Saturday job, I think I’ll have to help him somehow, without irritating him, which I do all the time nowadays.

@Shinypalace - she's climbed for years every Saturday but this was a course to be qualified as an indoor climbing assistant. She was a bit 'meh' about it but went and had a great time and sees it could be useful for PT jobs in future.

Re knitting, she made a list of things she wanted to do over the long summer (she is a master procrastinator but hates it if she doesn't achieve anything!). Crochet ended in tears 🥴 but knitting was ok 😂.

I have to say the job has been great as money becomes very motivating once they've earned a bit. She was going to go climbing again today but was offered an extra work shift today and has taken that. I don't give her regular pocket money so she has a huge incentive!

Getting the job was a little harder as I said she should do her cv and then go round local businesses. Apparently 'that's not how it works these days..... Muiuuum' and it's all online. She ended up getting it by a bit of word of mouth and then had to go in with her cv and meet them 😂😂

Oh thanks sumnersazz!
I’ll get Ds to make a list, that’s a great idea.
I somehow need him to realize it’s up to him to research stuff and make it happen.
He seems to think amazing things will be happening with his mates - but none of them seem to be able to organize much apart from the occasional mooch about.
i think part of the problem is that he’s never been one for clubs etc unless his mates go, which of course they don’t.
and yes, I think you’ve helped me realize he needs a little help with a cv, I’ll do that today.
But what on earth do you put on a first CV??!!
Motherhood is Not Easy!

DD gets super frustrated by her mates as they are all the same! She's organised camping but still two haven't paid (I'm assured they are coming and their parents know but 🤷‍♀️). She has one friend who is pretty good at sticking to arrangements so goes and meets her in town by bus.

Re CV, she just put school, GCSE's studied, skills, outside interests and experience - she did some cake baking and serving as volunteering for DofE and helped out with tea/coffee at rugby when younger so nothing much but something!

Re climbing - she actually does it 1:1 as she's never really been a club person. However recently she's been going at weekends with a group of Home Ed parents and kids who she's met through her instructor and is really enjoying it - I think she likes the wider age group and that they are all very serious about it. Now she's off she was able to go and meet up with them on Friday too which is their regular session.

Also on her list is bread making and croissant making!

Yes He should definitely get a job. DS (15) is similar as he doesn’t go to the local school and we moved here at the end of primary school so he doesn’t have a group to just hang about with. He has friends who are the teenagers of our friends but they’re girls and hang about with their girl mates. He’s working all weekend so he’s been very occupied and then he’ll see his girl friends at the football later. I appreciate it’s easy for him to get a job though as we’re rural and kids round here get jobs through friends of their parents. In fact DS was poached from his previous job by his current employer 😂.

He's got 2 choices in life.
He can be a passenger, or he can be a driver.

summersazz your DD sounds amazingly organized!
how nice to meet home ed. Group, it’s all about finding your tribe isn’t it.
youve just reminded me Ds can be persuaded to bake very occasionally I’ll see if he’d be into yeast stuff. I asked if he’d like to go on a weeks cooking course and he just rolled his eyes and said, why when there’s books and you tube. He has a point. Was actually relieved - £50for half a day to learn how to make scones! My granny made them because they were the cheapest thing you could make, with the last drop of off milk!
Thanks idratherbe I’ll push the job thing. I think that would give him confidence.
and yes, cocoa couldn’t agree more!

P.s summersazz I wanted to say thank you for the CV tips, nightmare whatever age you are!
☕️

I was bored at that age - I got myself a Saturday job and also volunteered with guides.

He may be happy being bored. My home was quite dysfunctional so wanted to be out, and needed the money.

My dd was the same at 16, and I also worried about this. She still is now but to a lesser extent.