School pick ups?

[Hellodarknessmyfriend]

I have one son at secondary. He's just turned 14 and lacking in confidence.
I'm returning to ft work from September as my youngest starts school. She will go locally so my mum will collect her as she lives just around the corner from her school.
Son's school is around 25 min drive from our house and he is not at all confident at getting in buses (at least two with changeover in town).
What do fellow working parents do in similar situations?
Thanks all!

Most secondary aged kids make their own way home and don't get picked up. It might be a bit embarrassing for them at that age in any case. Can you practise the bus route with him over the summer holiday until he's confident? I'm sure at 14 he could do it, unless there are SEN that you haven't mentioned. And yes, I understand that he isn't confident at the moment, but this would be a good opportunity to help him build his confidence if you put the right scaffolding in place over the summer period.

Yes, I'd expect him to get the bus(es). An important part of the teen years is learning how to navigate public transport, I think.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I think it is mostly the fact it is two buses and he worries about this. But needs must I guess.
I blame myself for having to work I suppose. I feel like a bit of a crap mum, especially re my little one 😞

He will never become confident in what he doesn’t learn. Practice the route with him over the summer. By the time school comes round again he will be absolutely fine to go it alone. Socially it is far better for them to get public transport home, walk with friends to the bus etc. It will be a good change.

@Malahide Totally agree. But my guess is daddy will end up collecting him so I will have to travel another half hour after work to get him from there! I don't agree with this but my ex does what he likes.

How does your DS feel? Surely at 14 he wants a bit of independence?

@Malahide Tbh he's lazy so of the opinion if dad can pick him up every day at 3.30pm then why not?!!!

Goodness, just ditch the guilt. There is nothing remotely crap about a mum going out to work to provide for her children. You need to change your mindset and stop beating yourself up. Your kids will be absolutely fine, because you aren't a crap mum and you will therefore make sure that they are fine. It might even do them good!

Can't your ex drop him back?

Do the bus route with him plenty of times now so he's used to it.

If his dad collects from school, his dad can bring him to yours.

Then daddy either drops him back at yours, or he gets a bus back to yours. Don't feel guilty about working. Do feel guilty at having raised a 14 year old to not have the ability to use public transport. That's really poor.

Your question was what do most working families do. And the answer is that the teen would take the buses.

I took 2 from age 11. Ds takes 1 since age 11. There will probably be other kids on the bus with him.

Why is his secondary school so far away?

My DS was / is like this. He's so so anxious in everything.

He catches two buses across the city. He was obsessed with timetables and checking maps at first, and still catches the bus before he needs to just in case he misses ... but he's coped fine. (Except the day he forgot to get off and didn't dare stop at an unknown stop so waited to do the whole cycle again 😂.)

He's Y10 now and comes home on all kinds of routes now, according to which mate he's hung out with. He knows the buses better than me.

You are asking what most working families do ?

We take it into account when selecting which school will be best for them, and then, in the Summer before Year 7, get them to practice getting the bus(es) if they need to get bus(es) to school.

So we do that with them when they are 11 so by the time they are 14 they don't think anything of it, as we built their confidence up when they were younger, and they will have been doing the trip for 3 years already.

He's about to go into year 10, OP. He needs to start doing this independently!
Practice with him over summer so that's he's prepared when he goes back to school. There is no reason at all for you to keep collecting him nor to feel guilty about the fact that you don't.

@NewName24 He lives with father just slightly more than in my care and daddy says no buses. Unfortunately what daddy says goes. Father chose school nearer to his house and I had no say in this as court enforced. I absolutely agree that he should be getting his own way to school. Ex-husband has labelled me as "abusive" for even suggesting this. It is a "mother's duty" to put their children before their work and I am failing to do so etc etc.
Ultimately I think what will happen is ex will collect on days son is due to be with me and then I will have to drive all the way to ex's to collect him.

@titchy He is with his dad majority. What dad says goes.

@Mumof1andacat Ex-husband chose it. Agreed by court.

Right, so you are asking the wrong question.

If you wanted help with all the shit you are dealing with, with your ex, then that would have been sensible to put in the op

@NewName24 I don't think anybody can help with that. I guess all I can do is have the confidence to know it's absolutely reasonable for me to ask son to catch two buses, despite what ex thinks! Thanks all.
Not that it will happen but at least I know it's not me.