How do you meal plan for household with teens/YAs?

[Argharghargharghargh]

How do you meal plan for variable numbers of people/times/preferences?

Things will change again when they go back to college and school in September, but right now I am baffled as how to organise meals and food shopping this summer with both kids at home after exams, but also with their busy social/work lives and randomn plans.

I can't work out how much to cook or even what to cook and how to shop for this atm. Some nights all four of us are in, sometimes three, sometimes 2, sometimes just me. Sometimes they are back later, sometimes rushing out and need to eat early. I am finding it really hard to meal plan. If I cook from frozen, I can't reheat. If I make too much some goes to waste. We end up with random left overs that no one wants, or not enough for everyone. Also sometimes they bring friends back and we need food for 5 or 6. 16 year old still needs to be reminded to eat properly and regularly and doesn't really cook for themselves. 20 year old is self-sufficient, but it feels wasteful (and expensive) to be cooking two or more different meals in the same kitchen. Asking them to say what their weekly plans look like is pointless as it changes on the hour! DH will cook for everyone as usual and then hoover up what's left, but that isn't great for his health!

We have just about nailed lunch now, as everyone pretty much does their own thing, but I can't quite cope with that for dinner time. I don't know why I am so confused, but routine has entirely fallen apart this summer, and I am not quite at the point of everyone just doing what suits them when it suits them. I would like to say dinner is at 7, if you are here you are welcome and there will be enough food (do I cook for four every time?), but if not - then what? 16 yr old already spends far too much on takeaway and crap food if out.

Maybe it's glaringly obvious to everyone else? Also we don't have a microwave - I suspect this may be the real problem, but I really don't want one. I am sure people will say the 16 year needs to learn to cook and I agree, but knowing how and actually doing it are different things and a third round of ingredients, washing up and shopping doesn't seem sensible

Flexible meal suggestions most welcome, but any insight on how you manage this would be really helpful. This is making my brain hurt and the eternal conversation about who is in and who is out is driving me mad. I used to be good at this stuff!

When I was a late teen my mum used to ask me in the morning if I would be home for dinner and if I was she would include me. I suppose the difference is she lived around the corner from a Lidl so popped in most days rather than doing a big weekly shop.

If I wasn't going to be home I had to eat my own food somewhere else or make toast when I got home. Your post has reminded me about all this, it used to stress her out a lot too! I never could understand why but now I do.

Usually I cook for all of us and then if someone isn’t home they have their portion the next day and I cook less then. Or they have it for lunch, or it goes in the freezer (and then we have freezer surprise day where everyone has something different).

If ds is particularly last minute in letting me know, I like to get revenge by cooking something really good the next night while he eats his dinner from the day before 😉

I think you should post this on AIBU as there is tons of traffic on there.

My biggest suggestion would be to bite the bullet and get a microwave. Is there a reason why you don’t want one?

Once you do that, you could make a list of meal ideas that are easy to make in a microwave- jacket potatoes take 10 minutes to cook on the highest heat and then they could add whatever toppings they want such as cheese, baked beans, tuna mayo etc.

Another thing to get is a panini or toasted sandwich maker- they can choose whatever fillings they want like ham, beef, smoked salmon, cheese, tomato etc

You could cook a big batch of spaghetti bolognaise or chicken curry and then put it into small Tupperware containers and freeze them. That way, they can just boil some pasta or rice, bake a potato or toast some bread.

You could make a bunch of overnight oats with nuts and fruit and they can grab one throughout the week.

You could buy or make a bunch of sandwich fillings.

You could increase their pocket money allowance on the condition that they learn to cook 5 meals from scratch and cook at home three times a week thus outsourcing this task to them.

Good luck!

We have had this situation for years (they are 18 and 20 now but it started being a problem as soon as they got old enough for their activities to stretch into the evening and DH and I started going to the gym etc because they could be left alone).

Lunches we have all done our own from whatever is available since they were about 10.

Dinner - I buy enough for a couple of main meals a week in the main shop making sure it has a good shelf life. Then every night as I leave work I ring whoever will be at home and check in who will be around to eat and we plan from there, I stop and pick things up if necessary, we also have a well stocked freezer. Anyone who isn't having the main meal caters for themself and that's as likely to be me as anyone else. We have accepted that our food bills are higher than they could be to accommodate all this flexibility, I like to be able to go out on the spur of the moment just as much as the rest of them.

We manage all this without a microwave, ours got shoved in the garden shed when the kitchen was renovated and never came back out as it was rarely used for anything except reheating cups of tea.

I had periods when the only solution was to stock the fridge / freezer with ready meals. And just get a microwave and be done with it. Then they can just pick something, nuke it, and eat it.

It solved the awful food wastage issue (that did my head in) and the wasted effort cooking meals that no-one turned up to eat.

The upside was that I had a lot more time to do my own thing. Less moaning from teenagers. And zero waste.

You can reheat most leftovers either in a pan or in the oven, or some leftovers can just be eaten cold anyway, in terms of people not being around to eat them at a meal time. But microwaves are handy to have!

I think it just boils down to communication - so if everyone knows in the morning what the evening meal will be, and when, it's up to them if they are there to eat it or not. They can say yes I'll be there to eat it, no I won't be around don't cook for me, or I won't be there at seven but I'll heat it up later. If they say they'll be there and then don't turn up, then it either gets left for them, or put in the fridge/freezer for another time. Someone else can eat it for lunch or it can be taken out of the freezer and used for another not-around-at-dinner-time person in the future!

I remember being befuddled by the same thing at this stage. The teens were in and out so much and didn’t communicate well.

At the same time they were growing fast and were hungry and I didn’t want them eating junk.

It was never perfect but I got through it by sticking to my weekly meal plan.

Sun - Sunday lunch or dinner with all the trimmings Everyone present.
Mon - easy leftovers, bubble and squeak or cottage or shepherds pie, or cold cuts with salad or veg
Tues and Thurs - veggie pasta or rice dishes or chick pea or lentil casserole with plenty of integral veg; pre-prepared and left in bowls in fridge for people to help themselves and microwave.
Wed- tray bake chicken or sausages with veg if everyone present, if not, slow cooker mince veg for fajitas, chilli etc.

Fri- fish in form of pie or microwaveable packets, or breaded in air fryer, with mash or air fryer chips, frozen peas.
Sat- fakeaway from Hairy Bikers book cooked by teens themselves but day got moved every so often.

The main thing I changed was that I moved obligatory Sun lunch to Monday night at some point but the idea is, to have at least one, ideally two, meals minimum a week where everyone present. And it makes sense if that is your Sunday lunch equivalent, even if it is on another day. And then say a good meal on Wednesday or Thurs and then you know they are fed well twice a week minimum.

The other thing was that we didn’t give money for takeaways very readily until the bowls of food in fridge were eaten.

And to help with that, I baked once a week on Thursday and made healthy(ish) cakes and snacks. Made soups in winter.

There were lots of times it all went to pot of course but that was roughly the plan.

Holidays are hard because the food just disappears. And the ££££ are disappears too. I have never known food be so expensive as it is now.

I have seasonal bowls of fresh fruit, restocked. And things like cheese and ham, salad and wraps. Eggs. Noodles. Baking spuds.

I only buy water, tea, coffee and milk. No fizzy drinks or cordials. Stopped buying crisps or chocolate bc of budget. If they want that stuff it comes out of their own allowance.

I have two big metal tins; one with the baking in, and one with biscuits in. The dc know that if they eat everything in both tins during the first two days, then it’s not replenished until next week when I do my big Thursday shop and my baking.

Ultimately op, you can drive yourself spare trying to fit in with everyone else. If you are mainly doing cooking and shopping I think you need a system that works for you. I think it benefits everyone if you take a fairly militant approach because they then get with the plan

But only aim for consistency 80% of the time or you will go insane with it all! Especially when it’s a hot summer and you don’t feel like cooking.

Barbecues and big composed salads are fine. My teens eat them if we serve them with tuna or sometimes I roast a gammon ham for cold and then put chips in air fryer.

Glad it's not just me! Lots of good ideas for rethinking how I do this, I just need to get my head round it a bit better and get some clearer comminication/commitments.

@Vizella - I am too scared of AIBU - I suspect I will get hammered because I haven't taught them to cook properly, I have set any rules/have too many rules and any number of other reasons! But yes I need to think about easy meals they can do/want to do.

Right, so I need a proper meal with scalable options, left-overs value and batch cooking/freezer potential, plus some easy hit ready meals. Argh, suddenly the days of nuggets and beige food seem oddly alluring.

*a proper meal PLAN

Slow cooker? Fling it all in in the morning, it’s ready for anyone eating a bit earlier and still fine for anyone eating later. Chilli, bolognaise, curry, stew, casseroles, fajitas etc.

Anyone that’s in at normal dinner time can get whatever else is made to go along with it. Anyone eating out with can cook some pasta, grab some crusty bread etc.

Freeze the leftovers in individual portions that can be taken out in the morning to defrost on days that you know how many will be there? Any surprise additions on those days get a frozen pizza or the likes 😊

I have older teens 17 and 18

I will cook something they can help themselves to abd heat up when they get in

If they don't want that they cook their own food ie pasta or bacon and eggs

If I'm around and feeling generous I'll rustle something up they want despite not wanting the main dish I've cooked

We are in and out at various times

Mine had to figure out how to cook first themselves with some help from me because I'd often be so exhausted when I got home from my long shifts I'd just crawl into bed

I know what you mean, in that case, steer clear lol.

Also, remember that what you are undertaking is a huge task. You can’t transform your 16 year old into an independent cook instantly. Start small and implement one or two changes a week until you get to the point where it’s effortless and effective for everyone.

Earlier today I made a chicken and vegetable soup and everyone can help themselves to that along with my homemade bread whenever they want

I think so long as they can fry quick and easy food like eggs, bacon, burger, steak or grab something to stick in the oven then that's fairly easy really

We only really used the microwave for storage until we had teenagers!

I do loads of meal prep type things, there's a host of ideas online. They get used for lunches, dinners and sometimes extra meals for DC if they're still hungry after work or training.

The freezer is stocked with bagels, crumpets and muffins as well as things like garlic bread and potato wedges which can be used to make meals go a bit further if we have impromptu guests.

Also have a cut off time each day for letting you know if they require dinner or not.

Mine are 13, 15 and 17 so not quite at the age of not turning up for meals/eating elsewhere without me knowing but often someone is out at an activity or asleep!

They all have a designated night each week to cook the family meal and DH and I take turns on the other nights. We cook one meal for us and then if people eat later they heat it up in the microwave. Leftover get frozen for random lunches or potluck evenings.
There is always a veriety of items in the freexer/cupboard if people dont like the offered meal or if me and DH are out and its a 'everyone cook for themselves' night.

Lots of good ideas here - thank you. -it's v helpful to think it through with others - I can't believe I am still thinking about how best to feed them 20 years later!

I think we are more likely to buy an airfryer than a slow cooker @Inyourwildestdreams but v small kitchen and not much counter space and so many "solution" gadgets gathering dust on top of the cupboards. The early teen "hollow legs" was solved for a while by the waffle maker, but it's been in retirement for a while now.

Right this my list of actions (we are doing a lot of this. - I just need to be more regular about it):

1. Agree who is in for supper in am. Cut off time at 1pm
2. Sort out easy self-cook meals for teen - frozen gyoza, pizza, fish portions, wedges etc
3. Teach/encourage teen to cook/heat up a couple of things
4. Buy in more bits for 20 year old
5. Buy in more back up stuff - garlic bread, bagels etc
6. Batch cook and freeze portions of bolognase, taco mince, lasagna, dhal, veg curry, butter chicken, lamb hotpot etc
7. Prep veg and bits for ramen/stir fry
8. Teach teen to prep veg and bits for ramen/stir fry
9. Stop hoping they will learn to whip up a quick,healthy pasta sauce and buy pesto/ragu.

Last question I find the "single portion" glass freezer to oven dishes quite large for one person. Can any one recommend ones that are more reasonably sized?

Actual last question - when do you do all your batch cooking and prep?!

Thanks @Chinchillalove653 a really comprehensive and useful reply. In term time our meals and arrangements are very much as you describe and I hold tight to as many family meals together as we can manage in a week, but as you say holidays are just so much more messy and we seem to be running an ad hoc restaurant service with extra butlering duties atm, and it's all gone to pot a bit. This thread is helping me get it back in order. - in my head anyway!

Honestly I do not batch cook individual portions. They let me know in the morning if they are in for a meal or not. If not then there is always pasta, noodles, pizza, eggs etc and they are expected to cook for themselves when they get in. They have got very good at saying now!

Everyone is made a dinner and then if they're not here it gets played up, covered up and then reheated later in the microwave.

There isn't much that can't be warmed up in the microwave.

There is always bread, eggs, beans, cheese, noodles, fruit, freezer food in. So no one will starve and food rarely gets wasted.

I wouldn't be able to do this without a microwave - but I do lots of batch cooking. So once every few weeks I'll do a huge bolognese (five large packs of mince) half will remain as bolognese and the other half incorporated into a lasagne. I usually get at least eight portions of each to freeze. I also batch cook curries (Korma, Tikka Masala, Chinese chicken curry etc), some of the Pinch of Nom recipes (pizza pasta and cheesy fajita orzo are particular favourites) and pie fillings.

Then (because my kids always seem to want something different), the 'menu' goes up on the fridge door, they choose what they want and I just cook the rice/pasta or get the pastry out of the freezer for the pie maker.

Like pp I find a slow cooker useful, I cook a large batch of white chilli for example. Everyone takes when hungry, leftovers get frozen for another day.

Pittas, eggs, hummus, ramen available if needed.

Some grumbling if I cook something and no one ends up eating it but me.