Dramatic daughter and immature husband

[appdk]

Hey everyone,
I'm reaching out to this amazing community for some advice and support. I’m dealing with a tough situation at home and could use some guidance. Here's what's going on:
My daughter is 15 years old and, unfortunately, my husband and I have very different approaches to parenting. He believes in giving her complete freedom, which means:

• She doesn’t do any household chores.
• We can’t question her about her shopping habits.
• She has 24/7 access to the internet.

Recently, her behavior has become more concerning:

• She spends weekends out of the house, leaving early in the morning and returning around 10-11 PM.
• She sleeps until noon and doesn’t take care of her baby brother.
• She often complains, demands to shop, and sometimes even resorts to hitting her head against the wall when things don’t go her way.

Despite my efforts to talk to my husband about setting some boundaries and rules, he dismisses the idea and even insults me in front of her. This lack of discipline and structure is really taking a toll on me. I’m exhausted from taking care of our son and managing the household alone, and it feels like my daughter has no respect or emotional connection with me. I’m looking for strategies or solutions to cope with this situation. How can I encourage my husband to see the importance of discipline? How can I connect better with my daughter and establish some healthy boundaries without causing more conflict? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! Dipali

Where does she get the money to shop?
Does she demand it from you?
Does she get pocket money and could you set aside money for chores done etc.
Regarding waking up late and not wanting to spend time with family, sadly that's common.
Regarding being out of the house, would she agree to a curfew and letting you know where she is and having location turned on?

I see your biggest issue as the difference in parenting styles between you and your husband.
U need to talk it through with him and then jointly agree boundaries with your daughter.
At this age, boundaries have to be negotiated and agreed rather than imposed.

Issues aside - taking care of her baby brother is absolutely not her responsibility. That falls down to you and your DH, not a teenager.

She's not responsible for the child you chose to have. Your other points are fair, but why should she be raising a child she didn't have. If she's disrespectful then that should be addressed. How much money does she have access to? Who gives it to her?

Going out all day is what teenagers do, and she absolutely should not be expected to take care of her baby brother so I'm not even sure why that's a point.

The tantrums and demands though are concerning and a fair point - your husband's lenience is doing her no favours there.

If she wants shopping money, she should earn it by doing household chores. Any demands for money need to be met with a firm and united front (which means Captain Passive needs to get on board with actually parenting your child, not expecting her to raise herself). Your husband should also be picking up at least some of the child rearing and home keeping tasks, that shouldn't all be on your shoulders.

Could you and your husband perhaps attend some sort of family counselling together so you can hash out these issues and come to an agreement on how you want to parent her through this tricky time?

It’s your husband’s job and your job to look after your baby so YABVU on that point but I’d be very concerned about the rest of it. I think your husband’s “relaxed” parenting is making her very vulnerable and jeopardising her future.

She has no responsibility to look after her baby brother.

Your partner is creating divisions so you do all the work.

The looking after the baby is irrelevant, that's your baby so your responsibility.

What's the age gap between them?

Going out is what teenagers do but there's does need to be boundaries and your dh is doing her no favours.
Where does she get money from

She shouldn't be caring for baby but she should be doing chores and have some boundaries. Your dh is the problem here