Your Teenager Bad Choices and Actions

[AndOnAndOn1000]

What did you do that you really regret?

Did it affect your parents health/MH?

Were you/your parents able to salvage your relationship?

Are you OK and happy now and did you learn from your mistakes and come through it unscathed?

Being an utter dick towards my mother between the ages of 13-16.

I had a very sudden and dramatic epiphany after I had my first child at 24.

My mother died of ovarian cancer when I was 28.

I am very grateful that I had those 4 years to apologise for my teenage dickish-ness and appreciate her for the marvellous woman she was.

When I was a teenager I desperately didn’t want to grow up to be like my ma.

I’m now 6 years away from the age she was when she died, and I wish I were more like her, better able to fill up the enormous gap she left behind.

(please remind me of this when my DD hits the teenage years in 6 months time!)

Thank you for sharing that and sorry for your sad loss at such a young age.

I'm in my 50's with a 17 year old DS who has pulled some really stupid strokes (under statement) over the last 2 years, and I really hope our relationship can recover.

I was a very strong headed teenager. I didn't cause too much worry, compared with some, but i certainly wasn't perfect either.

It's only now after all this time that I can sympathise with my own DM.

I didn’t behave particularly badly - certainly nothing my mum found out about, lol. Just the usual drinking too much at parties maybe. My mum was smart though, she gave us boundaries but was very laid back so there was little to rebel against so none of us did. Some of the stories on here freak me out, lol.

I wasn’t that bad either, my parents come down on me like a ton of bricks though. I’m almost 40 and our relationship has never recovered, I’ve not even spoken to them in years. And for all their discipline and punishments, it never stopped me from doing anything they didn’t want me to. I use your parents style now of letting mine crack on. I’ll advise them and pick up the pieces, and they know I’ll always be there for them, but I’m not even going to try to begin to control their decisions, imo you only learn from your own mistakes. I’m not tearing our relationships apart trying to control them. It seems to be going well so far…

Yes by her standards. Boys and drinking. No drugs, nothing really bad, still went to school, still got good grades.
Yes , according to her she was traumatised. Guess what? So was I due to sexual assaults and her shitty parenting hence the drinking and the boys.

I regret it because I just caused myself more harm in various ways.

We have a relationship but it's very superficial and driven by FOG on my side rather than love and support.

I was wild and out of control....drinking frim 13 ...raving and drugs from 15....boys boys boys on my mind....

The only part I regret was being so obsessed with male attention. I wish I'd had a bit more guidance in thinking about that....and being told how to have boundaries.

My parents broke up ib my early teens and sadly were not focused on me properly ...they were depressed and in crisis.

My mum had a terrible time with me ! I didn't really grow up until my early 20s. But im a normal parent myself now ...

I do think the teen times can be horrendous ...my mum and I laugh about it now

Im reading this and crying because im having a horrible time with my youngest dd14.

we have as a family have had an horrendous 3 years as a family and it’s taken a huge toll on her mental health, she’s doing things out of character, her personality is changing and she’s refusing to eat, hanging around with the wrong people and I’m lost.

She won’t engage with professionals, won’t talk to me and is rude and abusive to me and I’m exhausted and struggling with grief myself.

shes hurting and I can’t fix her.

I was disowned by entire family aged sixteen (and kicked out) for having the temerity of falling pregnant and keeping my daughter. I gave birth two weeks after my last exam, got straight As, my own house, full time job and a great nursery. I had never been around babies or young children, but did it all on my own before the internet was available for tips.

Last laugh - we were (are) a loving little family unit and DD became an incredibly successful professional in a very lucrative career, shame on my family and also the small town I was from, that almost joyfully tarred me as a black sheep. I never looked back.

@Purplecatshopaholic
Your DM was a wise woman.

@Babadook76
Yes, I totally agree about the control bit back-firing.

I have often thought about just 'sleeping' through my DS17 teenage years and praying he gets through it, and everything will be fine in the end and no damage done, simply because I don't know about it.

BUT he has caused us some real concern over the past year or so. Drug involvement (not dealing) but very concerning, so I can't turn a blind eye. Things are a lot better, but the worry is always there.

@ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat
I am sad for you, I can see how the lack of support creates a real disconnect.

@waterrat
It's so lucky and special that you can both laugh about it now.

@blackheartsgirl
I can really feel your pain. You can never believe that your beautiful little toddler would be someone you hardly recognise now. You're not alone. I hope things start to get better. Dont give up.

@MrsTartanTeacosy
I love your username.
That's quite an incredible story. So harsh of your parents (my DM threated me with that, but whether she would have done it, I don't know. I certainly took her very seriously at the time, and it defintely used to frighten the life out of me).

Your DD obviously has your resolve and intelligence. Do you have any contact with them now? Are they proud of their GD and do they regret how they treated you?