How to support Teen

[RatiTeen]

I have a teen who has performed well in AS (predicted) but not good enough to get into the course he would like to go. As he was planning to do specific course for over two years his predicted grades has came as shock. As a parent I was also in shock and it took me a while to process. The outcome is he may have to take a gap year now. Which is ok but I’m now so cautious that I cannot stop telling him to be careful regarding this next year’s grades. He keeps telling me that he feels that I have lost trust in him. I HAVE’T lost trust but I’m scared for him, if he doesn’t get his grades that he wants it will break his heart. That’s the reason I have become more strict with him. I see change in his habits - he’s hungry often, he gets up more while studiyoz , he’s tired a lot etc. these to me are signs of stress. Any suggestions for me so I can support my teen.

Back. Off.

He’s 17. His grades are his responsibility, not yours. By constantly bringing it up you’re being overbearing and making the situation worse.

Leave him alone. Be cheerful and confident, 'I know you can do it. Is there anything I can do to help or anything you need?' if he brings it up. Apart from that show nothing but a breezy 'Ive got your back if you need it, but I'm absolutely certain you don't attitude.

Don't be strict - he'll push back out of resentment. You can't force someone to study; they can stare at the wall in sullen determination to NOT do what you want. At 17 they need to take responsibility for their own life choices.

I've taught A level for 30 years and had teens of my own. If he doesn't get the grades he wants then you deal with it then, with a re-sit or a change of plan.

I think finding out what you can do to support and help him may be more productive than telling him you are concerned about his grades. Actions speak louder than words.

Practical solutions I can offer as a parent of someone who has had 2 children go through A levels. Make sure he has access to all the papers he has sat, so those year 12 ones and any end of topic tests. Hopefully they have gone over them in class and added the extra content to show what he should have answered to get full marks. Also both of you look over the mark schemes to see exactly what they get marks for.

There are lots of online resources including a heap of content on youtube, exam paper walk throughs etc depending on the subjects. Just make sure it it is the right exam board. He has the whole summer to chip away at this.

The way I would approach this is to tell him I know he is completely capable of getting the grades he wants and that you will help him any way you can to get there. He has time to turn this around. Some children are more resilient than others and some sail through GCSEs to come undone at A level because they have never worked at a subject or had to ask for help from teachers/peers/parents. Ds and his mates had a study group where they all supported each other in their free periods, working stuff out together, made them feel less alone. Ds walked his mate through stuff and he said it helped him cement that concept for himself.

The first 2 answers are spot on.

If he gets the grades because you nagged him into it then he’s going to struggle at university and that’s a costly gamble to take.

If he’s capable and wants it then he needs to work hard. Nobody else can do it for him like when he was younger. If he’s stressed it’s probably because of you. Don’t risk your future relationship for this. He will be heartbroken if he doesn’t get the grades but sometimes this happens in life and you should be there to help him with his plan B rather than make him feel even shitter for not achieving plan A.

You support him by dealing with you own stress and unrealistic expectations, not everyone is destined to be a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist.

At 17 he needs to find his own path and learn to motivate himself. If he doesn't get the grades he wants so what? He can retake them, take a different course, realize that he needs to put more work in and can't just coast. There are plenty of different routes into different careers now having to redo a year, and being a little older isn't necessarily a bad thing