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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

15 y/o spends a lot of hours alone - guilt :(

2 replies

Mandarina4 · 01/07/2024 08:41

My son is 15 and the summer holidays have started. Both my husband and I work for big international companies so our working schedule is pretty "American" and we come home very late (commute is horrible). The problem is that I feel very guilty when I'm in the office, I feel I'm not there for my son and that he spends too much time alone, etc... I know he is old enough to be OK but still, he is the type of kid that likes to be at home, doesn't go out with friends often and is the happiest in his room with the computer. I am the opposite, I'm a quite social being so I reject invitations for after work drinks or dinners as I feel bad for him. My husband tells me I can't give up on my life and my work just because our son is not social, that it's not my job to find him entertainment, company, etc... I'm am the type of person that worries a lot so in the past years I've been giving up a lot of things out of guilt (and lost many friends doing that).

All of you that have introverted teenagers, how do you do it? Do you carry a normal life or do you give up a lot of things out of guilt? I sometimes feel depressed as I can't have a life of my own, I know it's all my fault for feeling this way. My husband goes on business trips, business dinners, etc... and I can barely function when I'm here in the office thinking about my kid alone at home for 10 hours... I would love to be able to socialise and hang out with friends every once in a while but even if I do it, I don't enjoy. I just feel he should be out with friends and enjoying his teenage years, when I was his age I was never home!

OP posts:
waterrat · 01/07/2024 11:23

I sympathise. Although a slightly different Situation as my child is younger I can imagine this path. I have a 10 yesr old who is autistic and likes being at home a lot but im very sociable

Firstly...you need to really work out what you can change here.

Firstly there is your child's schedule

I think being home alone on a computer all summer isn't ideal for a 15 yr old but what could you really do about it ?

Would they work...or go to a camp of any kind ? Do you know any of their friends parents ?

Alternatively could you change jobs or hours for the next couple of years ?

If not...then I think I agree with your husband a bit....keep your own life as long as you are making sure you offer your child as much support as you can.

By 15 a lot if kids make their own plans...its a tough one.

Mandarina4 · 02/07/2024 15:22

waterrat · 01/07/2024 11:23

I sympathise. Although a slightly different Situation as my child is younger I can imagine this path. I have a 10 yesr old who is autistic and likes being at home a lot but im very sociable

Firstly...you need to really work out what you can change here.

Firstly there is your child's schedule

I think being home alone on a computer all summer isn't ideal for a 15 yr old but what could you really do about it ?

Would they work...or go to a camp of any kind ? Do you know any of their friends parents ?

Alternatively could you change jobs or hours for the next couple of years ?

If not...then I think I agree with your husband a bit....keep your own life as long as you are making sure you offer your child as much support as you can.

By 15 a lot if kids make their own plans...its a tough one.

Thank you for your message! It's hard, yes. We live far away from the city and all his friends live downtown and are neighbors so it doesn't help either. At 15 I was already so independent, well, they were different times but still, I was a lot more active. Everyone tells me I should let him be, as long as he is happy.

It will be fine :) Thank you!

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