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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

To feel really sad for my daughter and her sport....

31 replies

SmileLady · 29/06/2024 13:40

Hi all,

I cannot express this with anyone I know as its seems such a 1st world issue, but I feel really sorry for my daughter.

She plays a sport (team sport) at a high level. She's 14. Last season she attended every single training session, whatever the weather and played every match at her county level. However, she has just trailed for the next season and hasn't got through.

She also plays in another team at a high level, and the coach there didn't like her and would always pick weaker players. in the end, we pulled her out, and she went to a new team- which has not started yet.

She was also scouted for a top-level academy but didn't get through the trial. It's the only academy-level team trial we put her through, too. She's really upset as some of the girls from the 'High Level' Team who basically bullied her have been spamming her, telling her they're in the county team, and she didn't get through.

She is really good but always gets the 'reserved list' or just second. This is upsetting me as family when growing up, it was the same. I always felt I was always pipped to the post and never actually go to the top.

Im wondering whether this will put her off continuing in the sport. She was really upset today and crying about it.

Im not sure why I am posting here. But I just feel so upset for her.

OP posts:

Pootlemcsmootle · 10/02/2025 09:38

SmileLady · 29/06/2024 16:11

Thanks all for your comments. It's quite hard to explain what I mean by saying she is very good. I am not saying she is the best player ever in her sport, but genuinely the girls selected are the ones whose parents have the loudest voices.

Maybe her dad and I need to be a bit more vocal. I have not shared with her that I am sad about this. I have always said there are going to be better players than her. She won the player of the season in her county team this season just gone. But the high-level team she played for on a Saturday had some very loud girls and their parents who were always in the coach's ear. She joined an established team and couldn't get through the barriers, I suppose.

I have also spoken to her a lot about reframing things and looking at alternative sports. She is actually changing schools this year to a much sportier, independent one, so she will. have the opportunity to try new sports. She won a bursary based on her sports. The school coach saw her at a competition and offered her the opportunity to apply.

I want her to have fun this year.

Jesus she's really accomplished and brilliant to be scouted and get a bursary to a sporty school! You win some you lose some when it comes to sport...tell her to leave the bitching behind and see this as a new start. Noone on the planet can say your daughter isn't a talented athlete with a scouted bursary.

Can I say, maybe she's athletically gifted but that particular sport is not the exact right one for her? Cast the net wide and see. She might be really surprised at the talents she has in others sports.

LaundryPond · 10/02/2025 09:40

SmileLady · 29/06/2024 14:02

Ok, thanks. I wasn't sure what the strike-throughs meant!

I am hoping she gets through. She is very good, though, and does play better than some of the girls selected. I have told her to stay positive and enjoy her opportunities. It's hard, though.

I think she has picked up some traits from me. In my old job, I was the one stoically in the background methodically working and ensuring all targets were ,met and staff supervision completed and my co-manager was wild and going off doing all this other stuff. But she always won manager of the year, staff champion etc, as she was out there in your face. I feel like its the same for my daughter. Me and her dad never moan or make her position heard with the coaches. We just get on with stuff.

Well, then model a different way of being to her, not simmering with covert resentment because you avoid drawing attention to yourself and feel your true worth is overlooked?

CurlyTop1980 · 12/07/2025 22:39

Hi OP,

I know this is a very old thread, but I wondered how your daughter is? I have having very similar issues with him at the moment.....

zipzapzoo · 12/07/2025 22:50

Can you get her private lessons with high level coaches? If she’s good but then not selected there may be something they can sharpen up skill wise to help her get picked at the next trials

Wallywobbles · 12/07/2025 23:04

One thing to be aware of is that the kids of the PIA parents go further than they probably should because they are a PIA. So as a parent ask hard questions and be a bit difficult.

materialgworl · 13/07/2025 10:58

She may be good at the sport but not other areas. Team sports is not about the specific sport itself but other characteristics other personalities bring.

Another thing, playing at high level is sometimes just luck, not necessarily effort or skill. She can succeed and feel fulfilled without the stamp of county or national approval. Prepare her for this, lower league is just as good.

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