New partner and teenager

[Gosia8787]

Hello,

I hope you are all well.

I am writing this post as I am at my wits end with my teenager daughter. Firstly I just wanted to say that I have came out of 16 years long abusive marriage with a narcissist . Its been two years and abuser is still throwing threats at me and is nasty but at least we dont live together anymore.

My biggest problem is my daughters behaviour. She shows lack of empathy since age 10 and is now 14,5. This is getting worse. She doesnt have any feeling towards me but hatred and same towards her sister who is 5. I dont think she ever huggd her sister and showed her love. I was very affectionate with her for 10 years of her life until she started separating from me due to puberty etc.

I met a nice man 1 year ago and she is aware of it but hates the idea of me being with someone. I am not planning moving in anytime soon but she refuses to meet him. She calls him IT, she uses swear words when she talks about him like son of a b, she says she will tell him to f off when he comes over and will make his life miserable. She started saying things that I should look after the children and I its disgusting that I want to have someone. I told her everyone deserves to be happy and I do too and her response to that is that I am just bored and I shpould be happy with my children not someone else. I see him only every 2 weeks for the weekend and girls stay with dad for that time.

Recently she said that if he moves in she will burn all his things down and run out of the house screaming and saying he molested her.. Luckily I recorder whole entire conversation. this came to me as a shock as she is very hateful and doesnt have any regrets for things she is saying. I gave her 2 hours and approached her again and said to her that things she says are hurtful and cruel but she stuck to her words and said its true. she also said she will make him bad reputation with my family. I feel like I am being abused by my own daught3er after being abused by her father for 16 years. She has some narcissistic traits when I read about it as her behaviour worries me . On the other hand her father has new partner and she said she is happy to have " new mummy" .I do everything for my kids and dont neglect them but I want to be happy. she is 3,5 years away from adulthood. Do I need to wait this long before I get together with my partner as she can give me so much trouble... I am lost for hope . I am scared this abuse will only get worse. Please help.

Only a year after splitting up from a very troubled marriage and you've introduced a new man to your disturbed child?

She will have had many different kinds of emotions going on when you and your husband were together and now only after a year she is expected to join in with being 'happy families!'

She is deeply troubled and now at 14.5 is at a crucial time of development both physically and emotionally.

Hormones are now coming into play and this poor child is going to feel worse than she already does.

I think you need to ask your new partner to step away whilst you focus on your daughters wellbeing as at the moment she is heading towards an even more troubled and unhappy future which may impact on you and your other children unless she gets help now.

Professional help by way of counselling and even psychiatric support.

She doesn’t want to meet him because she’s not stupid and knows that this is the first step towards him staying at your house, moving in etc and not meeting him means that she can pretend that things will never change. Although you may think that you protected her from what went on, she will be damaged and traumatized by the abuse. By keeping things the same, she can try and control the possibility of history repeating itself with your current bf. I know that she won’t change her mind until she meets bf but as you must know, abused people have a complicated view of the abuser and past. She has no control over her father so you are the target of her complex feelings.

She can’t think about your happiness because she’s obviously not happy in herself and is in self preservation mode. That’s not narcissistic.